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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 08-13-2011, 12:11 AM
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Default Discussing adult issues in front of children

Background. Ex moved 2 hours away from home town with 5 year old daughter, cutting access to myself in half. This issue is not something to be discussed in the current problem I am having please. So since doing so our daughter has been having alot more washroom accidents in her underwear. Last Wednesday my ex brought our daughter to see me which is court ordered. I guess when I was driving her back to where my ex was parked she had a poop accident that I did not notice. Today when my ex came to bring our daughter to me she looked noticably peeved off. Then when our daughter came to me when she let her out of the car, she called our daughter back for a hug which is sorta out of the normal but I figured thats good as it shows that she cares. Then when she was holding our daughter my ex proceeded to rake me over the coals about the fact that our daughter pooped herself in my care, which happened in the car and I had been asking her every 15 minutes if we should go to a washroom. I told my ex about 5 times to please email me about the issue, and that it was an adult conversation that we need to discuss at another time. She said that because I did this to our daughter and made her upset, that our daughter needed to be there to hear it. My ex told me that she had to change our daughter in a parking lot with people watching, and that she cried the whole drive home. Then before my ex put our daughter down she whispered to her for about 30 seconds something secret. When I finally had our daughter and put her in the car she told me that she was only upset that she had to get changed in public. I reassured her that she did nothing wrong and that I will never ever be upset with an accident. I also explained that mommy and me love her very much. At this point our daughter told me that she needed her underwear changed because she had pooped again, so I brought her to the nearest tim hortons and changed her privatly. I was just so upset by my ex. I am so upset by these actions but I am trying my best to encourage positive vibes towards my ex in front of our daughter, no matter how hard it is. Our daughter also feels that it was her fault that mommy was yelling at me. I tried to reassure her that she did nothing wrong at all. Any advice would be great please. Advice on how to handle our daughter when she is upset, and how I could have handled the situation better in front of her mom as I know this will happen again. Also should I email my ex and say how inappropriate I found it to discuss these things in front of our daughter? Thank you.
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Old 08-15-2011, 02:10 PM
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So I emailed my ex about this issue. Started off on a positive note about something she did that I appreaciated (calling when she was going to be a few minutes late). Then talked about the issues about our daughter having a problem with washroom accidents. My ex went on to blame me for everything and about it being because I neglect her and do all sorts of bad stuff and so on and so forth, also saying that our daughter is aware of some of the ways I neglect her. I always make sure to do scheduled washroom breaks, but sometimes so much is going on in a kids life that they regress, or it could be medical. My ex is not willing to look into anything. Even though our daughter says she has accidents at both houses my ex firmly denies it.
Then she went on to explain that I do not feed our daughter correctly on Wednesday as crackers and cheese is not a proper dinner. I guess she never asked her what she ate before the crackers and cheese dessert, as she would have found out that it was a healthy sandwich (since I only have her for less than an hour and a half Wednesdays it is more of a lunch meal as it has to give us play and washroom time). Our daughter rarely will eat much with me on Wednesdays as 30 minutes before my ex drops our daughter off she gives her a donut and a large chocolate milk from tim hortons.
Also she cannot make it for another Wednesday this coming Wednesday, so now since moving we are 4 times where I got to see our daughter and 4 times she has cancelled.
This all comes from the woman who put in her affidavit about me leaving our daugher sunday mornings for a hour and our daughter is upset about it, while partly correct, I take her to church and she is in sunday school and has made lots of friends and it is to the point where Sunday mornings she is up super early and waking me up to make sure we get there early to see her friends. I am not religious but I know that its a great place for our daughter to meet people. My ex is a piece of work. Sometimes I need to vent and thank you for your patience with me.
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