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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 06:49 PM
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Default Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Wife and I separated in June, she moved out a couple weeks ago.
We have a 2.5 y.o also. We have no separation agreement or lawyers at the moment. As things were going working.
However,Since then she has limited me to 3 days a week, 5-9 on weekdays and all day Saturday. And no overnights.(she pulls the breastfeeding card even though I have a freezer full of pumped milk.
and that I'm not trustworthy enough)
I have reluctantly obliged to this, because stupid me wants to keep things on civil terms, as we are friends and I can visit anytime I want (which I do).
This weekend things got heated, she absolutely can't stand my parents and thinks they are manipulative and disrespectful towards her. My daughter hasn't seen them since beginning of June, even though they are 20 minutes away. As every attempt has ended in a huge fight..
I told her Saturday that I was taking her to see them for a couple hours and she went off.
So this is my dilemma:
She said unless I signed a letter stating that after Saturday I couldn't take my daughter to see them unless we all sit down and basically agree to her terms.
I'd be limited to supervised visits..and what not...
I was scared and confused, signed the stupid thing.. now I'm regretting doing this as I'm not sure how much weight this holds..
We don't mind sitting down and talking, and working things out.. I just feel she is really overstepping her bounderies and using our daughter as a way to get what she wants.
What are my options here!?

*And to be clear I'm a straight laced guy, no run ins with the law, don't do drugs,drink the odd beer, never cheated .. yes, I've made mistakes in my marriage.. we all have!
**I'll also add she had an interesting upbringing, in that her parents cut ties with her moms side completely, for reasons I won't go into but they were very much warranted
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Old 09-12-2017, 10:47 AM
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Hire a lawyer now.

You are being played like a fiddle.

You have equal rights to parent your child until a court orders otherwise.
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Old 09-12-2017, 10:53 AM
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You are no longer friends......fight now (lawyer) for what is fair (50%-50%).
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Old 09-12-2017, 10:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunner13 View Post
Wife and I separated in June, she moved out a couple weeks ago.
Assuming no access arrangements were settled between you and the other parent. This is a bad idea.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunner13 View Post
We have a 2.5 y.o also. We have no separation agreement or lawyers at the moment. As things were going working.

However, since then she has limited me to 3 days a week, 5-9 on weekdays and all day Saturday. And no overnights.(she pulls the breastfeeding card even though I have a freezer full of pumped milk. and that I'm not trustworthy enough)
To quote the Honourable Mr. Justice Quinn in Fletcher v. Fletcher, 2003 CanLII 2121 (ON SC):

Quote:
The petitioner will have breastfed for two years beyond the minimum recommended. This child is not an appendage of the petitioner. The child will very shortly have to leave the petitioner for day care, junior kindergarten and other outside relationships. It is important for the child’s good that she learn to adapt outside of the petitioner’s constant attention. The petitioner should therefore end breastfeeding over the next four months and the child should then experience overnight access with the respondent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunner13 View Post
I have reluctantly obliged to this, because stupid me wants to keep things on civil terms, as we are friends and I can visit anytime I want (which I do).
Really? Doesn't sound like you have much access at all to me. You are lying to yourself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunner13 View Post
This weekend things got heated, she absolutely can't stand my parents and thinks they are manipulative and disrespectful towards her. My daughter hasn't seen them since beginning of June, even though they are 20 minutes away. As every attempt has ended in a huge fight..
Unless your parents are a credible danger to the children she doesn't get a say in the matter. So sad too bad. You are not obligated to even tell here were you go with the child. Stop telling her!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunner13 View Post
I told her Saturday that I was taking her to see them for a couple hours and she went off.
STOP. You are under no obligation to do this. Unless your parents are a danger and CAS would intervene ignore her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunner13 View Post
So this is my dilemma:

She said unless I signed a letter stating that after Saturday I couldn't take my daughter to see them unless we all sit down and basically agree to her terms.
Depends on what was written. Its a letter and not a speration agreement. You didn't seek legal counsel. Go get a lawyer NOW.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunner13 View Post
I'd be limited to supervised visits..and what not...
Why? Are you a danger to the child? Why do parents do this to themselves? Unless CAS is going to take your child away then you have every right to parent your child equally!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunner13 View Post
I was scared and confused, signed the stupid thing.. now I'm regretting doing this as I'm not sure how much weight this holds..
Go to a lawyer right now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunner13 View Post
We don't mind sitting down and talking, and working things out.. I just feel she is really overstepping her bounderies and using our daughter as a way to get what she wants.
What are my options here!?
HIRE A LAWYER TO ADVISE YOU FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!!!

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #5 (permalink)  
Old 09-12-2017, 12:15 PM
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Tayken, this was the sort of thing I was talking about in the other threads.

When parents separate and there are small children involved, fathers especially are considered nothing short of cavemen who can't change diapers, feed, or basically anything.

A self-fulfilling prophecy is created (They begin to believe when they're ex's say) due to these gender stereotypes.

This father should have been seeing the kids 50/50 after separation, but it sounds like he was made to feel he had no rights as I was and many other fathers are.

To the OP..yes you did shoot yourself in the foot, with a bloody grenade launcher. Supervised access would be a joke for you.

Retain counsel quickly and get this turned around fast!
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Old 09-12-2017, 01:21 PM
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Thank you very much for all the information appreciate it!
I'm looking into a lawyer right now. I found this site Sunday after all the crap went down, and never realized how much I'm being left in played like a fool in all this..
This forum has been a real eye opener
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Old 09-12-2017, 01:25 PM
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You are their father. You've been there. You have no criminal records nor any addictions. Your ability parent has not been compromised and you're not jut entering your child's life for the first time.

Your ex is a shady gatekeeper running around trying to limit access and trying to get you to sign ridiculous stuff.

Next thing you know she'll try and take her kids to the Dr and get a diagnosis for PTSD. Believe me...it happens.

Get this moving my friend...fast. Nothing short of 50/50. She doesn't get to call the shots .. a judge will, and you sound like a good dad.
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Old 09-12-2017, 02:19 PM
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You haven't shot yourself in the foot yet. You do have to act though. You need to start creating a paper trail. You are actually in great danger of permanently losing your children.

Sample email:

"Dear ex,

We have always agreed that our children would be best served by spending roughly equal amounts of time with each of us. Below I have attached three proposed schedules, which do you feel would be the best for our children?

If I don't hear from you by Oct 1, I will assume that you are going with schedule #1, and I will pick up the kid at 10am on Monday October 2nd from your place"

You include 3 schedules of 50%: Week about, 5522, 223

She obviously spazzes. If she calls you ignore the call. You need to get this in writing. When you show up on October 2nd, she likely won't be around.

Email #2:

"Dear Ex,

You were not available on October 2nd. I rang your doorbell at 10am, 11am, and noon. Please indicate a time that I can pick up kid. We also need to schedule some make up time. If I don't hear from you, I assume that [makeup time] is acceptable."

then...

Email #3:

"Dear Ex,

Your refusal to propose an equitable schedule is not in the best interests of our children. Please let me know when I can pick up the children. I will take my makeup time immediately, on top of the regular access. If this is not acceptable, then please provide with the address of your lawyer so that we can schedule a trial as soon as possible.

If I do not hear from you by October 11th, I will instruct my lawyer to begin an application for custody. Hopefully we can avoid that step and remain focused on the best interests of our child."

Then you actually get a lawyer, and you start the process, because gatekeeping moms rarely give up their power willingly.

Also, be prepared to start paying child support immediately. It sucks, but you are going to have to fund her lawyer and your lawyer at the same time. That's your fault for letting it get this far. However, if you act now, it won't get too much worse.
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  #9 (permalink)  
Old 09-12-2017, 02:22 PM
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^^^ excellent advice to follow.

To help you with the schedule 2-2-5-5 2-2-3-3 you can read this thread:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...plained-13702/
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  #10 (permalink)  
Old 09-12-2017, 05:37 PM
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I have been making CS payments based off a website that uses your yearly income. so I send her $112/week.

Out of curiosity, why would I potentially be on the hook for her lawyer?
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