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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2010, 11:44 AM
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Originally Posted by lumpy View Post
I would do all of the documenting that HammerDad suggests (except I wouldn't call the police on Grandpa).
I probably wouldn't call the cops the first time, and possibly not the second. But the instant that this becomes repetitive, you have to do something to protect your rights to parent.
  #32 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2010, 12:09 PM
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So the first time this happened was during the summer and now the second time with an illness? Seems a little over-reacting right now. Your ex is still keeping you up to date as to what is going on via email so it does not seem like she is just maliciously trying to keep your son from you. If this becomes a continuous pattern then it would be worth speaking to a lawyer about but for now your better off to just take a breath and wait for your boy to feel better.
  #33 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2010, 12:45 PM
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Again, this is

WWWWAAAYYY OOOVVVEEERRR TTHHEEE TTTOOOPPP!

Let's everyone fight about what the court order says, which family member gets to take the kid to the doctor and pick him up, who gets to care for him when sick.

Get a f'n grip, show some maturity and parent the kid ya schoolyard yahoos. Silly wabbits, tricks are for kids.
  #34 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2010, 12:47 PM
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dadtotheend: If it was simply a matter of maturity, we won't never have ended up in court in the first place.
  #35 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2010, 12:49 PM
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Originally Posted by dadtotheend View Post
and parent the kid ya schoolyard yahoos.
That is exactly what some of us are trying to, but some here don't believe we should because the child has a cold/flu.....
  #36 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2010, 01:02 PM
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I just don't see the big deal in the child not going with you for a night or two because he is sick. It has been his mother and her family who have been caring for him during the illness it just makes more sense for him to stay put til he is better. It's not an attack on you being competent in caring for him or not it's more a matter of keeping him in a solid care routine. Would be different if he was coming to stay with you for a week or two but for one night/day just seems better for your son to stay where he was. Again it had nothing to do with you I'd say the same if the child had of gotten ill while staying with you. I know that when I was a kid and sick being bounced around wouldn't of made me feel any better.
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Old 11-17-2010, 01:14 PM
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Originally Posted by mama2bee View Post
I know that when I was a kid and sick being bounced around wouldn't of made me feel any better.
I think Grandpa made the problem here. When Grandpa and Step-parent were at the doctor with the child the child should have gone home with Step-parent. No more bouncing around than going home with grandpa after the appointment. Simple.
  #38 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2010, 07:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2bee View Post
I just don't see the big deal in the child not going with you for a night or two because he is sick. It has been his mother and her family who have been caring for him during the illness it just makes more sense for him to stay put til he is better. It's not an attack on you being competent in caring for him or not it's more a matter of keeping him in a solid care routine. Would be different if he was coming to stay with you for a week or two but for one night/day just seems better for your son to stay where he was. Again it had nothing to do with you I'd say the same if the child had of gotten ill while staying with you. I know that when I was a kid and sick being bounced around wouldn't of made me feel any better.
My ex and I have equal parenting, the children regularly go to the other's house when sick unless they are actively vomiting. We are each capable of taking care of the children when sick and always have been. The only question over which home the children are at when sick is based on which of us has an easier time taking the day off to stay with them. Sometimes it is me, sometimes it is her, depending on our work schedules. We've been doing this just fine for 3 years and somehow the children have never suffered for it. So I can't conceive of how other children are somehow suffering if they change houses. Perhaps if it was a 2 hour car drive...

In the OP's situation, if the child were sick with him, would the mom agree that the child shouldn't be moved and spend an extra week until the fever etc broke? Perhaps she would but what I tend to see with parents who have custody and make an issue of "the child shouldn't be moved!" is that they wouldn't agree if the shoe was on the other foot. Then it's "But she will be so much more comfortable at home with me!" But every set of parents has different dynamic. I do think that caring for a sick child is part of parenting, it is part of the relationship we have with our kids, it is part of how they see us as caregivers, it is part of a loving relationship. Take one parent out of that equation and you end up with a pretty asymetrical relationship. If one parent ends up blocking the other out of that level of caregiving, that is an intentional asymetry.

I agree that if the custodial parent feels some need to keep the child, they should proactive about offering generous makeup time, it shouldn't be up the access parent to beg for it. Like it or not, the custodial parent is already in control, and able promote a lot different relationship with the child. IMHO they should be busting their ass to make it as easy as possible for the access parent to build and maintain a close relationship with the child.
  #39 (permalink)  
Old 11-18-2010, 10:17 AM
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The only reason this is an issue is because my ex lacks a local support system for our son, has no additional time to take from work and refuses to ask for help. We have on many occasions been able to work together to care of my son when he is sick, most of the time he come to me for that care because it's easier for me to get time from work or work from home.

I know that my son would have preferred being home, where he not only would have had access to me, but to his mother but instead he was left with his grandfather. This is what I have a problem with.
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Old 11-18-2010, 03:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pharah View Post
The only reason this is an issue is because my ex lacks a local support system for our son, has no additional time to take from work and refuses to ask for help. We have on many occasions been able to work together to care of my son when he is sick, most of the time he come to me for that care because it's easier for me to get time from work or work from home.

I know that my son would have preferred being home, where he not only would have had access to me, but to his mother but instead he was left with his grandfather. This is what I have a problem with.
You keep mentioning that your ex has "no local support system" for herself and the child, as if that is a hindrance to her parenting abilities.. and yet, she clearly has a very invloved Father (Grandpa), whom you are trying to exclude, because you don't like each other very much....

How can she maintain her "support system", if you deliberately try to have clauses written into your agreement, wherein Grandpa can't transport, or spend excessive time with the child???

I agree with DTTE... your pettiness is effecting your judgement.... and listening to fire-crackers like HammerDad isn't going to help you...

You are facing many, many YEARS where you will be dealing with your ex and her extended family, and vice versa.... Learn to pick your battles...
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