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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-16-2010, 04:49 PM
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If this is the first time something like this happened, then just let it go. It's one day or one access. If it continues with other excuses etc then make an issue of it. I don't understand the issue here.
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Old 11-16-2010, 05:02 PM
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you are looking at extraordinary circumstances. I doubt that the pick up will be with ex's father regularly, this was only because the child was sick.

You could work it so that in the event of extenuating circumstances (ie illness or bad weather, that your spouse (or preferred family member) be allowed to pick up/ drop off child on your behalf (or ex-spouse's behalf).

We have written consent at my daughter's daycare for either my mom or ex's sister to also be allowed to pick her up if they are notified first. You have to have a back-up plan, but get it written in.
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Old 11-16-2010, 05:21 PM
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TOW: This is not the first time it has happened. This was also an issue in the summer.
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Old 11-16-2010, 05:22 PM
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bill: He regularly goes to my ex's fathers (every other weekend and for weeks at a time during the summer) and it has been an issue for both transportation and access. This is why I have already made provision in my settlement offer for this but it doesn't suit all situations. And I guess it doesn't matter if she's going to do what she wants anyway...
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Old 11-16-2010, 05:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pharah View Post
TOW: This is not the first time it has happened. This was also an issue in the summer.
Same reason? Child was sick? Do you have a clause stating the if child is sick then access etc will not go forward?

2 instances still doesn't make it a big issue. I don't know how old your children are, or who they would prefer to be with when they are sick. Usually one parent or the other are more comforting during the time they are not feeling well. Not to take offense to that.

I know whenever I was sick, I didn't want anyone else other than my mother and wanted to be bed. I can't imagine having to be shipped off somewhere else to have anyone else look after me. Maybe that's just my opinion or my experience but sometimes we need to step back and remember what it was like when we were that age.
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Old 11-16-2010, 05:37 PM
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1. The first time it was for illness, in the summer it was simply the care my ex had arranged and she was ignoring the access schedule.

2. I understand my son would normally like to be with a preferred parent when he is sick, and in this case that would be me, however he is not with either parent.

3. This grandfather has and still does talk sh#t about me in front of my son and did so today to my spouse.

Last edited by Pharah; 11-16-2010 at 06:29 PM.
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Old 11-16-2010, 06:39 PM
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Unfortunately your spouse has no entitlement to access with the child. She is not party to the agreement or court order.

That said, Grandfather has no authority to deny access to you, the parent. Should you ever attend your access and he attempts to deny access, I would calmly walk to your car without making a scene and call the police as he is at worst kidnapping them or at best unlawfully withholding them. Grandfather is not party to the agreement or court order, he has no right to tell a parent when the parent can and cannot see their own children. I understand that involving the police is not an appealing idea, but Grandfather and your ex need to understand that your time with your children is not to be hampered with.

Should your ex try to deny access, I have a simple solution for that also. First, where they advise you that the child won't be going with you prior to your scheduled parenting time, you send them an email and a registered letter stating that you intend on exercising your regularly scheduled parenting time and will be at the prescribed exchange point at the prescribed time.

If you show up and they are not there. You knock, wait 2 minutes and knock again. Then walk to your car and call. If they are home, just not answering the door you calmly advise them that they are in breach of the agreement/court order and to have the children ready for exchange as soon as possible. If they don't answer the phone, you calmly leave a message on the machine stating you are here for the exchange and are wondering when the children will be ready. Then wait 30 minutes and calmly call again stating that you are now leaving and you are journalling the denial of access. Then leave, go buy a bottle of pop or pack of gum from the closest store and get the date stamped receipt.

When you get home, you email the ex requesting makeup time for the lost parenting time as soon as reasonable possible. Should they balk at that, you keep their reply.

You then, as was mentioned, rinse and repeat. Once you have a few instances (greater then 3) you take her court for contempt. You request:

1. immediate make up time;
2. a new meeting location as granddad cannot be trusted to enforce the court order;
3. a clause providing that no parent shall make, or allow others to make, disparaging comments about either parent to the children or within the vicinity of the children; and
4. costs of the action.

Should you have to take her back for contempt more then once, you start asking for change in custody as she cannot be entrusted to enforce the court order and is not effectively co-parenting in the best interests of the children.

As for your spouse doing the pickups, that is also something you could work into a contempt motion, where you find that granddad refuses to give the child to your spouse, who is acting on your behalf, that you are requesting that specific third parties be allowed to transport the children to and from each parents parenting time.

You are entitled to access notwithstanding whether or not the child is sick. You, as a parent, should be capable of looking after the needs of a sick child. Now, I will qualify that with, you should always be doing what is in the child's best interests. And if you agree to exchange your parenting time for another date due to the illness, you can do that. But you are not to be told, by anyone, when you can and cannot court ordered or agreed exercise your parenting time.
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Old 11-16-2010, 06:49 PM
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To those saying that this is ok because the child is sick, IMO that is wrong. I took my D5 when she had pink eye and other illnesses because as a parent, I should be able to look after a sick child. I also believe being a parent doesn't mean only when the child is healthy. If the child is sick, you look after the child as you would if you had never broken up.

If this was me, I would first call and ask if the child is too sick to attend my parenting time, when will I be receiving makeup time? If they say I don't get any, I would say fine and then without advising them, I would go to their house (with my digital recorder running) and calmly and politely request my child be provided to me per the court orders. I would explain that I am as capable of looking a sick child as they are and that the court orders doesn't provide for a "sick day" clause.

If the child was very sick, like too sick to travel, then it would be in their best interests to leave them where they are. But you are still entitled to makeup time.

I am not suggesting going in there playing the heavy, but going in there as a parent equally capable of looking after the needs and concerns of your children, whether in sickness or in health.
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Old 11-16-2010, 08:38 PM
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Over-react much?
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 11-16-2010, 10:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
Over-react much?
Generally, no. I especially don't believe that I am over reacting when it comes to my time as a parent......and did you actually read my posts or are you just rolling your eyes because I feel that being a parent is an in sickness and in health thing...or do you believe that only certain parents are able to care for the kid when they are sick?

Seriously, not sure what your issue is.....
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