Dad or Mom's school?

[baileybug]

My husband and I have been separated for a few years. He keeps telling me a divorce is in the works. Both he and I have moved on. He has a fiance and a new 5 year old step son that he lives with. I have a new partner that I live with. My 4 year old daughter will be attending kindergarten next year. While both families live within 15 minutes of each other, we are considered to be in two different school districts. We currently have a mutually agreed 50/50 split of time with our daughter (each of us get 2 days a week and alternate week-ends). The problem is he wants our daughter to go to his school, and I would like to see her go to my school. I'm not really sure how we can decide what's best for our daughter. Any advice on how to decide? Could the result of this decision possibly impact our future divorce or custody decisions? Thanks.

[Grace]

What is your reason for your school as opposed to his school district? She might be more comfortable/familiar going to the school her step brother goes too. Just a thought.

[baileybug]

One reason, is that he and his fiance do not communicate with us well. They often fail to inform of us important dates and information for my daughter, as well as not remembering themselves! I fear if she goes to his school, we will have to struggle to keep in the loop of things, at my daughter's expense. The school in my district has several methods of communicating with the parents via the web, take home communication booklets and email. Also our school as a high percentage of parental involvement, often hosting social nights for parents to get to know each other and the school better.

Another reason is that the school in our district has a newer methodolgy which embraces diversity in the lives of the students. Being that my situation is somewhat unique (lesbian mom), I think she would have an easier time being accepted there. Plus that methodology our school employs, has had several studies done showing how students performed better scholastically and were happier in their school environment.

[polar]

I dont believe any of those studies baileybug - they usually are not accurate.
Results depends on the child, not the school they attend.

I know your daughter is young, but have you asked her which she would prefer?

[Grace]

Baileybug,

I'd pick the school that allows the most parent involvement. Studies show that parent involvement helps your child be more successful. Sorry Polar but I think this study is true.

[ladyluck]

Studies are generally quite accurate as they take detailed statements and experiences from all involved in the school, as well as analyse results of exams etc.

[logicalvelocity]

good topic

I am sure both schools are equal as far as the quality of education the child would receive.

I realize your child is young but one thing to look at is transportation. How will your child be traveling to school.

Generally the younger kids usually travel by bus. What about when your child does get older. Are both parents going to accommodate driving the child to the out of district school when the child is with them on that particular day.

Just a suggestion, if both schools have equal merits why not just flip a coin to decide.

[baileybug]

Thanks for all your thoughts so far.

As for transportation, it's not really a problem, because we are 15 minutes away from each other...

My ex is now saying that he believes the foremost thing to consider is the impact on my daughter's life and each household. He is very much focussed on what's best for his new family, as opposed to us, who are simply focussed on my daughter.

I'm sure impact wise, it's easier for his home if both kids go to the same school, but I don't think that's the most important criteria, or what's necessarily best for my daughter.

I think that because she has a brother at the other home, she can easily meet friends in their neighbourhood through him. However, if she does not go to our school, she may feel out of sorts with the neighbourhood children around here.

I still think that what's best for her scholastically is also important.

[Decent Dad]

Perhaps you need to make two columns: School A and School B

Next list all tangible benefits of each school: English vs French Immersion, extra activities, cool programs, school grades, school rankings, age of school, school capacity, how far does the school go grade-wise (K-6, K-8), what is the middle or high school that follows, bus schedules, after school care, and so on.

Then place all intangible benefits: school with siblings, acceptance programs, drop/off pick up schedules, etc.

Maybe just seeing a list of what each school offers will help the situation.

Maybe get you and your ex to evaluate the same criteria, and then compare notes.

BTW, not receiving information from the school via another parent is very common in bitter divorces. So, with your divorce not being bitter, just that one parent operates differently from you, you can still use the same vehicle for getting information. Almost all school deal with divorces and information can be duplicated and sent to two homes.

DD

[Tim]

DecentDad has a great point - physically write down the pro's and cons of each school and of sending the child to each school.
Pro's and cons would relate both to you as parents, and to the child.