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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 08-26-2013, 09:48 PM
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Default Crazy Stuff in front of kids what difference does it make

So I was on vacation this last week and my ex tells my d5 - I am going to pick you up from the airport multiple times.

My d5 relays this message to me and I tell her that if her mom wants to do that (which I don't want she should email me) I also tell my D5 that the airport we left from isn't the one close to home so her mom couldn't come anyways - I hadn't told my ex which airport we were leaving from just the time/date of arrivals + messaged her upon arriving etc....

I told my D5 i prefer her not to tell this to her mom and instead tell her mom to email me instead....

Anyways one morning during the trip my D5 tells her mom that she wont be able to pick them up because it isn't the close by airport and my ex flips out and says something and starts pressing my D5.

I tell my ex Relax - stop pressuring D5, email me if you have a problem (I was in the room in my bed at the time). I didn't say it rudely or anything....

My ex starts screaming over skype at me tell D5 - "you know what your Dad is, he is a DICK , a dick - a dick is a penis your dad is a penis"

Tell him i going to get him throw in jail so he can get raped by black guys

I tell her relax and that my MOTHER is in the room and she can hear this and then she starts ranting (less profanely) about my mother.

My kids S7 and D5 were telling her to stop, my S7 I think has figured out she is crazy but my D5 is somewhat enmeshed with her and though she loves me very much subconsciously supports her mother...

So now, she said all this in front of my mother as a witness, I didn't sware or even really provoke her...

Does it matter?
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Old 08-26-2013, 09:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
My d5 relays this message to me and I tell her that if her mom wants to do that (which I don't want she should email me) I also tell my D5 that the airport we left from isn't the one close to home so her mom couldn't come anyways - I hadn't told my ex which airport we were leaving from just the time/date of arrivals + messaged her upon arriving etc....

I told my D5 i prefer her not to tell this to her mom and instead tell her mom to email me instead....
Good grief, you are a Dick. You actually put that onto a 5 year old?
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Old 08-26-2013, 09:56 PM
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Good grief, you are a Dick. You actually put that onto a 5 year old?
Pretty harsh, I'm new to this game and I try to keep my kids out of it but my D5 kept pressuring me about it...
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Old 08-26-2013, 10:01 PM
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RUN NOW from this pattern of involving D5.

What do you do when she persists about cookies???

Tell her this is stuff you arrange directly with her mom. Then ask her about the new Pinkalicious movie.

You should be able to manage this.
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Old 08-26-2013, 10:05 PM
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I did tell her that but she kept asking so I explained why,

"the airport is far and mom should email me...."

I always tell my kids this is grown up stuff but the ex keeps sending requests through them....

_____

So her screaming over skype in front of the kids and saying she is going to get me throw in jail in front of the kids is business as usual?
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Old 08-26-2013, 10:09 PM
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_____

So her screaming over skype in front of the kids and saying she is going to get me throw in jail in front of the kids is business as usual?
Cheesus Jack, you need to be more concerned about your own parenting behavior. I think your attitude and behavior is equally inappropriate.

Perhaps working on your own parenting skills and communication will benefit the entire family... 20 more years.
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Old 08-26-2013, 10:20 PM
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"Pretty harsh, I'm new to this game and I try to keep my kids out of it but my D5 kept pressuring me about it..."

Thing is, raising a child is no game and if you can't deal with D5 pressuring you now - you are going to have a lot of fun once she hits her teens.
Keep the kids out of the 'war zone' and deal with the ex as best you can.
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Old 08-26-2013, 10:29 PM
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"... and mom should email me...."
So, imagine yourself as a 5 year old hearing this ... do you think this just might force her to choose sides?

You need to give D5 the message that she is not responsible for arranging things. React neutrally and minimally when she relays a message, and indicate that you have/will talked to mom about it. Then change the subject. Don't explain.

Don't initiate any mention of Mom AT ALL when you are together.

Be positive when D5 shares some Mom-related experience with you.

Last edited by dinkyface; 08-26-2013 at 11:03 PM.
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Old 08-26-2013, 10:39 PM
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... meh not relavant

Last edited by Links17; 08-26-2013 at 10:43 PM. Reason: s
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Old 08-26-2013, 10:54 PM
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Stop telling the kids to tell their mom anything. If they have questions, tell them not to worry about it and you will discuss it with mom. Then distract them.

Yes, they will have questions, and yes, mom may ask them questions and pressure them. But they will start to understand it isn't their place to be the messengers, NEITHER of you should be using them that way, and mom will come to understand that it's a game you won't participate in when the kids don't know anything to tell her. She will have to go directly to you.

Document everything.
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