CP on trip, wants NCP to deliver child to daycare

[dinkyface]

My ex, who has sole custody of our daughter, is going on a business trip. So, I am taking care of our daughter for 2 extra days/nights. BUT, my ex has indicated that I should deliver our daughter to daycare by 9am for those 2 days.

Do you think she has the right to demand that our daughter be in daycare instead of spending her time with me?

The complication is that she receives fully subsidised daycare. If the issue of paying the daycare fee for absent days beyond the allowed maximum arises, we can deal with that. But she she has not as yet raised this issue.

What should I do, comply, or say no?

[#1StepMom]

We've been in your exact shoes.

The deal with subsidized child care is that the child MUST attend when not ill in order to maintain their spot and the low cost. If you take the child out for those two days, your ex may demand that you pay the full absence rate (as to not use any of the allotted sick days). But that is something that you know best. I know that my stepson's mom is a b*tch when it comes to using any of "her" subsidized sick days - as she calls it.

But, if you're able to take care of the child yourself, you should have the right to do so.

I think this is more of a money issue than a care issue.

Have you asked your ex why she is demanding you taking the child to daycare when you are fully capable of caring for her yourself?

[dinkyface]

I agree. It is probably a money issue. But until she raises it as such, we have no way to know what the max limit is, or how many absent days have been taken already, or what the fee is for extra days. So we can put the ball back in her court by saying no. I just want to be sure that we are not violating some rule, or coming across as unreasonable by saying no in the first place.

I should also say, we live very close together, so I am not having any problem with travelling distance to the daycare. It's just that it is better for her (and me!) to be with me than at daycare.

[dinkyface]

A question: Is there any risk that CP/mom could lose her subsidized spot altogether if she exceeds the absence limit? Or is the only issue the cost of the 2 extra days? In our case I'd guess she is only over limit by a few days i.e. it's not like she is absent 50% of the time or anything (as far as we know!!)

[Mess]

It is possible to lose the spot due to absences, all daycares have a waiting list and there is a huge waiting list for subsidy, and the city (usually the city provides subsidies) is very strict about enforcement. We needed documentation thicker than a phone book just to apply, and we didn't qualify.

It's in the best interest of your child that you co-operate with each other, and in her best interest that don't do anything to jepardize her daycare.

Ask your ex if it just the money, or if the number of absences will put the spot in jeapardy. If she could lose her daycare, you are hurting yourself as well as your child. You aren't really gaining anything. You are already getting the extra time with her.

The ex being a bitch, you can still the best thing for your child.

[dadtotheend]

Ask her why she is saying this. Talk to the daycare and ask if an accomodation can be made.

It is reprehensible that a child MUST go to daycare instead of being with a parent who wants to be there.

[dinkyface]

Well, turned out to be a non-issue. When I asked for her reasons, she instead just agreed I don't need to take her to daycare. So we'll never know what was going on in that head...Maybe we'll get a bill at the end of the calendar year.