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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 04-04-2010, 12:53 PM
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Default CP cc'd child on email to NCP

Hi folks. It's been a while and I was doing so well keeping my head on straight and taking everything with a grain of salt but something has come up again. Sorry about the long winded nature of this post but here goes....
While chatting with the NCP, it came about that the CP had sent an email to the NCP chastising the NCP for being a poor parent by not living up to their parental obligations and support agreement. This was not the first nor would it be the last of its kind. What made this email wholly different was that the CP actually cc'd the child on it. This is the same CP who gave the 13 yr old child a copy of the divorce agreement in order to allow the child to confront the NCP on issues and matters beyond the scope of what the child should be privy. I just don't get this CP. How can this be beneficial to the child? The child believes and has stated that the relationship between the child and CP is open and transparent and they discuss everything. The CP obviously feels as though they are empowering the child by being open, and while that may be true for some things, others are supposed to be off limits aren't they?

After the NCP finally sat the child down and asked what exactly was being discussed, it turned out that most of it was how poorly the NCP was holding to their obligations and commitments, how the NCP's short comings on financial obligations were forcing the child to pay out of their own pocket (the CP is making the child pay the difference and thereby making the child very resentful towards the NCP.) The CP is far from being financially distressed, and has the means to pay the (disputed) financial differences so there should be no reason for the child to pay other than to make the child resent the NCP for having to use their own money to make up the difference.

Funny thing is though, this "transparent and open relationship" seems to one sided for the benefit of the CP. The child was not informed that the NCP is actually paying more and for a lot more than what is required, was not aware that the NCP is getting less time than is required, and that the only emails that the CP is open and transparent about are those that are beneficial to the CP. When the NCP asked if the child had ever been made privy to the emails that discussed all the positive actions of the NCP - the extra costs the NCP is covering, the surprise birthday vacation plans (that were eventually cancelled by the CP), extra trips , make up time requests (the CP neither discourages the child from not visiting nor encourages the child to visit - any missed visits are never made up), the concerns of the NCP of drawing the child into the acrimonious battles - the answer was no. Not a one. Ever.

The NCP has always gone through great lengths to avoid involving the child in any disagreements between the parents and this is what happens. The child has become an unwitting pawn, the CP the hero/martyr/victim and the NCP the bad parent. Just doesn't seem right does it?

Sidelineref
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Old 04-04-2010, 01:14 PM
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No it's not right to involve the child in adult conversations regarding his/her upbringing.

But your post is about a lot more than that isn't it? It's also about using that tactic as a gateway to your venting of your problems with the CP's other behaviours as well.

This place is beginning to get to me again. So much selfishness, so much anger and resentment, so many fools.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 04-04-2010 at 01:49 PM.
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Old 04-04-2010, 01:40 PM
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CP is not doing any favour by being so called TRANSPARENT.The child will have an adverse effect on his mind throughout life.
I feel bad for the 13 year old.Why people lack common sense.
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Old 04-04-2010, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dadtotheend View Post
No it's not right to involve the child in adult conversations regarding his/her upbringing.

But your post is about a lot more than that isn't it? It's also about using that tactic as a gateway to your venting of your problems with the CP's other behaviours as well.

This place is beginning to get to me again. So much selfishness, so much anger and resentment, so many fools.
I'm confused. How am I being selfish and foolish?
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Old 04-04-2010, 04:41 PM
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I'm not particularly talking about you, although you do take quite some good shots at the CP after asking your loaded question about cc'ing the child.

It's just mind-numbing the stories one continually hears where parents are being idiots.
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