Church and joint custody

[Foredeck]

I've been separated for almost 3 years now.

The relationship between me and my ex is ok, on some days it's pretty good, but other days it's a little rocky. But, on average, I can't complain.

She never really attended church, and I used to attend once every 6 weeks or so. Our daughter was baptised in a Catholic church.

My current girlfriend is baptist, so we attend a local baptist church.

One issue she has is that it's in english, however, most attendees are french, so they speak to my daughter in french.

Also, my ex does not attend church at all anymore.

Is she capable of limiting where I bring our daughter to church? I don't plan on converting her, and, it's the same religion mostly. All the sermons are based on the same Bible and around the same topics.

Also, our daughter prefers this church, she really enjoys attending it.

[standing on the sidelines]

how old is your daughter?? To me your ex should not be making a big deal about the french aspect, heck it would be good for your daughter to learn the other official language and use it outside of school.

[Foredeck]

She's four.

She's starting to be bilingual, so it shouldnt really be an issue. And, half the people at the new church are french, so she's spoken to in french a lot.

I have no plans to convert her, or baptise her in the baptism religion.

[standing on the sidelines]

to me your ex is making a mountain out of a mole hill. what you do with your daughter on your time is your business. Its not like you are involved in a cult or something

[mcdreamy]

Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines

to me your ex is making a mountain out of a mole hill. what you do with your daughter on your time is your business. Its not like you are involved in a cult or something

Actually, leaving the catholic church for a baptist church is very much like leaving for a cult.. Just ask most practicing Catholics!

Religion is a funny thing with a lot of people. I am, and dd was, baptized Anglican, but I am a cafeteria Christian, so I pick and choose.

But i have many friends who take their religion much more seriously, and switching from or teaching other than devout cathlosism (or their specific religion) would start a huge argument, and I can understand that perspective.

Have you actually talked to your ex about the benefits of your new church? Communication can go a long way,

[ddol1]

McDreamy is right, except for one thing. If you look up the definition of cultism there are really two distinctions, accepted within society and not accepted within society but either way without a doubt even Catholicism falls withing the scope of cultism. If you go back far enough people were once persecuted for believing in what is today a fully accepted religion.

I have been exposed and atttended many different faith worship meetings both when I was young and later in life. I always looked at this as learning what my friends believed in - you can never learn too much in life! This I would suggest is just about being "scared" of the unknown and what may happen....... I have more to add but I also realize that this is not the avenue for this type of discussion - but it does point to how to deal with this.

If your ex is any way apprehensive about this situation might I suggest you kindly invite her to come hand in hand with your daughter to a few meetings. Givng your ex the opportunity to face this with a little bit of an open mind, to see how your daughter is not being cohersed in any way and your ex's fears may be elevated to a large degree. I do not think they will ever disappear completely but again you can only encourage your ex to come any time she wishes. Yes it is your time but sharing an hour here or there with your ex in a very neutral setting could be very helpful in this situation.

[Foredeck]

I have shared my view with her,.and unfortunately, if I dont agree with her request 100%, she views that as me always wanting to be right.

She is going to her lawyer on Friday to add a few points to our signed separation agreement.

I dont want to open the religious debate, but, in atlantic canada, the baptists and catholics are very similar, and the points that differ, my daughter won't be subjected to then.

My ex is french, and my new girlfriend is english. She is scared that I'm replacing her as a mother and turning our daughter into an english speaker. That is not true, my girlfriend is learning french, and I speak to my daughter in french 100% of the time.

She says that she thinks that it's important that she goes to the catholic church, but she hasn't attended church since our separation (3 years ago).

[ddol1]

ok it sounds like our "others" may have been, or make that could be sisters! Ok except for the fact that I can never be right because naturally she is Never wrong!

My family is half French as well so I do understand the division...... and we also understand the power of Language, what each has to offer and to gain another language does not make one weaker - only stronger in the end. Your daughter is lucky to have both. Just like I think I was lucky to have both when I grew up as well.

[Foredeck]

But, how can I counter without going to court. Everything I find online is that church and religion is a decision that must be made together.

I'm fine with that. I dont want to convert her, and we will continue to attend bot
h churches. Shes not open to discussion, and now her mindset is that the only solution is to go see her lawyer.

[MommaMouse]

If it's your time you should be able to take her to whatever church you attend, like you said your not converting her and when your ex has your daughter she can take her to whatever church she attends. I see no point in arguing which church, although the religions might be slightly different it's not like you are taking her to a budist temple and having her praise a different god.
However, if it's something she can't agree on I believe she will have to have it written up in your custody arraingement that you are not allowed to take her to any other church.