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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 01-09-2016, 07:25 PM
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Default Can she really put child in sport on my weekend?

I will try to make this short..

Ex and I have been in disagreement over hockey for our 2 sons for 5 years now. In the beginning I voiced all my reasons and concerns why I was against it. It all started with ex insisting on rec hockey. I disagreed as I knew she would end up wanting it to go competitive. And I did not want my children to get passionate about a sport that I would not consent to. She fought me on this for 2 years and finally I compromised and said if we keep it rec only and it will not effect my weekend visits then I will agree. If this is what they like to do. However I will not be paying as it is not a extra ordinary extra curricular activity. She gets full table amout of $1800 a month.

She even emailed me in writing saying it will never be competitive and we will deal with that if the time came. Well this past year one son dropped out he did not like rec hockey but the other one she took upon herself to list him in competitive hockey against my wishes and did not tell me until after he was enrolled. I actually had to hear about it from my 8yr old son telling me mom is putting me in competitive hockey...about 2 weeks before she told me.

She told me she is not asking for costs as she just got a $2 million dollar settlement and that she talked to the hockey association and told them my son would only be able to play every other weekend and told me they were cool with it. She said it was important he still come and see me

Son started competitive hockey Oct and come end of November ex started telling me that she is going to be picking up my son on my time to take him to his games. That he is really really good and the coach doesn't want him missing out. This obviously didn't go well and I told her no. She argued and argued and argued. I had plans to take boys hunting that day so because I said no to her taking my son on my time she told me she wont allow kids to go hunting.

In the mean time ex has went to her lawyer and tells me that I can not legally keep my son away from sport if that is what he wants to do. I feel it would have never got to this point if she would not have just accepted my concerns and did not enroll him.

#1 they live 2 hours away and the kids games are all north of where they live making it even further away - we would be travelling 6 hours round trip on saturdays and I would have to wake all 4 of my children (one being a baby) at 5am to leave by 6am to be at his game by 9am - game lasts 2 hours - then turn around and drive home....all while having to drive a 4 hour round trip the next day to take the kiddos home. I only get Friday at 2 until Sunday at 4 with them EOW.

#2 i would like to take my kids hunting and ice fishing in the winter when they are with me - now I can not share that with one of my sons and I also have to give that up with the other as she is forcing me into hockey

#3 obviously it is a time restraining sport not to mention costly and something I can not afford and my job is dispatched I can not commit to taking my son to his games as i can often be dispatched the night before or even 2 hours before

#4 i dont feel it is fair that my ex can schedule my time or tell me what I can do on my time with my children

Do I have any leg to stand on here? She tells me that she is willing to pay and do all the travelling then when there is any leway from me she starts saying but it would be nice if you took him on your weekends.

I still do not consent to this. However she already has my son in it and now going against everything she said and wanting me to contribute $ and schedule my weekends around hockey ... which would be much easier to do if I could commit to taking him but I cant cause of my job and he is in central alberta hockey association and where I live we are southern....the distances i would have to drive allll weekend is just not going to be possible.

Suggestions? Will I be court ordered to take him to his hockey on my time?
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Old 01-09-2016, 10:55 PM
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I don't think she can prevent you from taking your kids hunting on your time. You do not need her consent to do what you want with your kids on your time.

Regarding hockey, I would simply not take the child and stop the discussion. Hopefully she will back off and go back to recreational hockey which is a fair compromise. I do not see a judge 'ordering' hockey. However, if your son is really into hockey he might resent you.
(I had a similar situation and this is how I dealt with it, although I must admit the ex was a little less combative plus the kid was not particularly interested in the sport, only the ex was. )
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Old 01-09-2016, 11:33 PM
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Well if I don't do as she says she will be taking this to court. Also she plans to wake up at 3 to leave her house by 4 to be at mine by 6 to have him at his game by 9 and then will bring him home by 2! I don't see that lasting very long before she starts forcing me to do all this driving. I've argued it cuts into my time with the kids but she keeps telling me it is only 2 hours and I am being unreasonable. Well I have located his hockey schedule online since she does not share that information and his games are 2-5 hours away every wkd Sat and Sunday.

Edited to add she told me that there was no longer recreational hockey and that is why she put son in competitive. While viewing the hockey schedule it clearly says on the calandra that recreational hockey is still running its usual time 1-2 on Fridays.
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Old 01-09-2016, 11:40 PM
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I thought this was relevant

CanLII Connects - Did Kids? Hockey Schedule Trump Father?s Access Rights?
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Old 01-10-2016, 12:29 AM
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What does the child want? Does he want to go hunting with you?
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Old 01-10-2016, 12:46 AM
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Default Let her take you to court

Quote:
Originally Posted by twister777 View Post
Well if I don't do as she says she will be taking this to court. Also she plans to wake up at 3 to leave her house by 4 to be at mine by 6 to have him at his game by 9 and then will bring him home by 2! I don't see that lasting very long before she starts forcing me to do all this driving. I've argued it cuts into my time with the kids but she keeps telling me it is only 2 hours and I am being unreasonable. Well I have located his hockey schedule online since she does not share that information and his games are 2-5 hours away every wkd Sat and Sunday.

Edited to add she told me that there was no longer recreational hockey and that is why she put son in competitive. While viewing the hockey schedule it clearly says on the calandra that recreational hockey is still running its usual time 1-2 on Fridays.

I'd let her take you to court and go for double-indemnity costs against her. She unilaterally changed the parenting time arrangement. Your son will likely be too tired to enjoy any meaningful activity with you.
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Old 01-10-2016, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
What does the child want? Does he want to go hunting with you?
The one is hockey wants to play hockey but is also wanting to come and do his visits with me and my side of the family. Other son wants to hunt and ice fish and my daughter likes to do gymnastics when she comes on my weekends as where she lives there is no gymnastics organizations.

So other 2 will have to give those up and be toted around from 6am until 2pm for brothers hockey.

Main point is I can not commit due to my occupation which I have been doing for 20 years and my ex wife knows that I have no set schedule and can be dispatched at any time. If I were to look for a new career to do this hockey schedule (which is absolutely absurd) I would have a significant drop in income. ~$30,000 a year. I will not do that as it will effect my life in tremendous ways and not to mention support payments would also be reduced.

I understand my son wants to play hockey. I do. Now that he is in it since she went against my concerns he has become more passionate. I don't want to take that away and cause strain between us. But the only option is he may have to just miss his visits with me during the hockey season. If he has a game closer to me and I am available to take him I will do that. But I can not commit to taking him every wkd I have with the kids.

So I will still be requesting the other 2 children come down for their visits. But even though ex said she would do all the driving and pick son up I know that will not last very long as it will be very tiring for her but this was her suggestion. She has money to burn on gas I do not!

She took kids to a hotel for New Year's Eve that costs $2700 per night and they stayed for 2 nights. So when I am struggling and she can do those things and go against my concerns over hockey being too expensive and time constraining - yes I have a problem. she doesn't work and her husband doesn't work on weekends. They see our kids every single day. While I get 4 days a month. So it is nothing to them to do this it doesn't effect their time with the other two kids either.

I am sick of fighting about this every year.
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Old 01-10-2016, 10:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I'd let her take you to court and go for double-indemnity costs against her. She unilaterally changed the parenting time arrangement. Your son will likely be too tired to enjoy any meaningful activity with you.
I agree. But she can sell ice to an Eskimo. I'm not sure I have a leg to stand on here. Son wants to play. I don't want to take that from him. But now she has pretty much taken him from me because I am going to have to suggest he doesn't come for visitation then. I work lots of weekends. But I still get to spend time with my kids Friday and Saturday evenings and Sunday all day till they go home at 4. I don't wish to say no he can't play and needs to be here but I'll be at work. It's not fair to him. But if I am home then I would like to spend my time with them how I would like.
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Old 01-10-2016, 10:56 AM
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I think you are in a bit of an impossible position. Talk to your son.

If your ex says she will drive him then let her do it. When she gets tired of it she will be the one to let your son down.

You could ask for some makeup time outside of the hockey season. And also you can call your son often getting updates on the games etc. Try and make the odd game and make it a fun night.

12year olds can understand and make decisions. Talk to your son and see how he feels about missing visits with you and his siblings. Just saying " no" will likley put a rift between you and your son and therefore ex has " won".
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Old 01-10-2016, 11:11 AM
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Do you have your son for a block of time in the Summer or during Spring break? Or do you work year-round?

Beachnana makes lots of sense.

In 4 years your son could have his drivers' license and be driving himself places. At that age (16) one can only hope that he opts to spend time with you but then there is no guarantee with teenagers.
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