Can this even happen?

[bookgirl1209]

My boyfriend and his ex just recently..finally!..sold their matrimonial home. She's been living in it for the past 5 years while he pays all the household bills right down to the internet.

Anyway the house sold, she got an apartment with their son..and now the big discussion over child and spousal support begins.

Yesterday she told him that her part time job has been cut back to 1 day a week. Today he called to talk to his son and the phone was no longer in service. He texted her cell phone to see what was up, if the number had changed or if the new phone had just not been hooked up.

She told him that she cannot afford a phone so she was just going to have her cell phone.

so if he wants to talk to his 14 year old he has to call her cell and hope that she is home..and I suppose if she's at work or gone out, oh well. Not to mention that there is no phone line for his son to use unless she is home.

Can she do this? Isn't this interfering with his relationship with his son.

I think what she is doing is laying the groundwork so that she can get maximum child support and maximum spousal support for as long as she can even though he has supported her for 5 years and she didn't get a job until a year and half a go and even that was part time.

Oh, there is also an 18 yr old of hers from a previous relationship that my ex is being asked to pay child support for even though he's out of school and working...because she says he is not self sufficient and she is supporting him.

sigh......

[Mess]

Your boyfriend needs to talk to a lawyer.

He does not automatically have to pay any support for the 18 year old. The ex would have to prove that he was acting as a father and supporting the boy as his own all along. Is she receiving support from the biological father? This doesn't automatically negate a claim but it forms an argument.

Secondly she has to show that the 18 year old is in school, or ready to enter post secondary next term. Otherwise he is an adult and self-supporting, whether he lives with his mum or not.

Again, she has to show both of these things first, there is no automatic entitlement and your bf should not even discuss this with her.

From your numbers, it seems like they were together 9 or 10 years? We need to be clear on that.

Even if he was to owe spousal support, this would be for .5 years for each year of short to medium length marriage. So they are already apart 5 years, your post is vague on this but there is no evidence of entitlement there.

He should be paying child support for the 14 year old immediately, according to the Federal Child Support guidelines.

Despite the fact he paid for the housing for 5 years, if he wasn't paying child support she can try to claim back child support. This is a touchy situation. Your bf would of course argue that what he paid in housing costs was to support the 14 year old, this might fly or it might not, depending on the amount owed. For this reason I suggest he start paying immediately the table amount without her having to ask for it, this is the law and there is no argument there.

Regarding the phone, she can certainly cancel her landline, and it's not even a question of not affording it, if she uses the cell phone only all the time, she must feel the land line is a waste of money.

If I were your bf I would get the son a cell phone of his own.

[mcdreamy]

I see a new cell phone for the son for Christmas (he'll love you for that!)... you can add him/convert your account to a family plan for $15-20 a month. Make sure a new plan qualifies for unlimited text or bbm.

Several of my friends, who are not in the separation process, are dropping the home line. I will, as well, when I am out of this matrimonial home. Dropping a home line is not unusual these days, so I wouldn't get upset over that, I'd just make adjustments.

fwiw, I will be receiving CS for a daughter who is not a biological of my stbx. And I receive CS from the biological. However, in our 15 years together, the stbx has acted as a parent and after our separation, they will actively spend time together, that's a given. She loves him, and he loves her, as parent/child. As Mess said though, it is a fine line. You need to research the definitions of a "child of the marriage".

Was there no equalization when the house sold, as to his payments towards the mortgage/insurance/ occupancy rent?

I'd also not accept the 1 day a week work, for her. Part time? Last time I checked, Tim's is hiring full time. She needs to get another job, or an income needs to be imputed.

[bookgirl1209]

He has a lawyer.
Lawyers from both sides have acknowledged that his paying her household bills was in lieu of child supoort and spousal support until the house sold...but now they are saying that the amounst he paid were not equal to what she would have got. Oh, and I missed the part where he has taken on all joint debt as well

He did act as father for the 18 year old during the course of their 11-12 year relationship. The 18 yr old quit school at 16, fathered a child at 17 and the ex's lawyer just sent my bf's lawyer a letter saying that the 18 year old has stress/mental health issues that make him unable to be self sufficient so child support should still be paid. ( did I tell you the part about how he was running a tattoo parlor out of the matrimonial home..tattooing customer while potential buyers were having a viewing)

My concern is she's going to play the "i'm so poor" card to get awarded even more support. She did it at the last case conference telling the judge how she has to go to food banks...while we hear from the 14 year old about dinner's out at Red Lobster and Kelseys and lunches at fast food restaurants more often than not.

I find it hard to believe that she can cry poverty and cancel a land line leaving a child at home with no form of calling for help.

But that may just be me, I'd give up my own cell phone if it meant my kids were safe when I wasn't home.

[standing on the sidelines]

she is in an apartment so i am thinking that if the child needs to use the phone to call for help he can go to a neighbours. Its not like they are living out in the country with the nearest neighbours are half a mile away.

[bookgirl1209]

True..I hadn't thought of it that way.

The other thing though is that in order for him to talk to his son he HAS to go through her...and theyvery rarely can speak with out her turning it into a screamfest. so much so that he would rather not deal with her at all..but now he doesn't have a choice.

I guess we'll have to look into the cell phone for Christmas idea.

[LostFather]

Originally Posted by bookgirl1209

True..I hadn't thought of it that way.

The other thing though is that in order for him to talk to his son he HAS to go through her...and theyvery rarely can speak with out her turning it into a screamfest. so much so that he would rather not deal with her at all..but now he doesn't have a choice.

I guess we'll have to look into the cell phone for Christmas idea.

I would make sure that it is locked out only to call his numbers.

[NBDad]

My boyfriend and his ex just recently..finally!..sold their matrimonial home. She's been living in it for the past 5 years while he pays all the household bills right down to the internet.

Why in the hell would he do that? Jesus, nothing like enabling her. If he's paying for it ALL....what's the incentive for her to settle? Sounds like his lawyer sucks, or he got really really REALLY bad advice.

Were they actually "married"??? Or just common law? Child Support is a no brainer, like others have indicated he should start paying based on the table amounts and his Line 150 from his Notice of Assessment immediately. (only possible impact would be if he has SHARED custody of his son and has the boy more than 40% of the time...if he DOES, then he should pay OFFSET amounts based on the table and an imputed income to her of at least full time hours at minimum wage).

Yesterday she told him that her part time job has been cut back to 1 day a week.

She has an obligation to support herself and the children. Tim Horton's or McDonald's are ALWAYS hiring. If she is making LESS than full times hours at minimum wage, then she should be IMPUTED and income at that level for the purpose of all calculations.

She can't have an income of 0, and 1 days a week part time is NOT making attempts to support herself. He would argue that she be imputed and income and that Spousal support is NOT applicable, given she's had 5 years of de facto support to get her affairs in order.

SPOUSAL is not automatic, she must prove entitlement, and judging by what you have described, she's not entitled to it.