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Acadia71 09-05-2016 12:37 AM

Benefits to 50/50 custody?
I'm about to write the separation agreement with my STBX.
She wants 60/40 custody.
I work one week on one week off so 50/50 is possible and I'd prefer that.

Could anyone tell me the benefits and drawbacks (if any) to getting 50/50 custody?

My primary concern is having 50% of the say in ALL aspects of my children's lives, I always thought this was possible even if I only have them 40% of the time.

Thanks in advance

Desperate_Dad 09-05-2016 10:56 AM

The child support guidelines are well known to be wrong and exorbitant. Having said that, shared custody mitigates the damage of the child support guidelines so that is your best route. You can still have 50/50 joint custody even if it isn't 50/50 living arrangements. You have said it is 60/40.

blinkandimgone 09-05-2016 11:13 AM

You have two different issues in your post.

1- parenting schedule, whether it is 50-50 or 60-40.

2- custody pertaining to decision making.

You can still have joint custody/decision making for all major issues concerning the kids (school, medical, religion etc) regardless of what the parenting schedule is.

What is her reason for not wanting you to have equal time with the kids? Many times it has to do with child support or the other person just wants more time with them without considering they are robbing the other parent of equal time, so she needs to give good reason -not why she wants more time with them, but why you should not have equal time with them.

stripes 09-05-2016 05:26 PM

If you want 50/50 residence and there is no reason why you shouldn't have it, just put that in the separation agreement and tell your ex you won't agree to less. You can have joint custody (equal say in decision-making) no matter what the residence arrangements are, but it's much easier for the decision-making to be truly joint if the kids are residing with both parents equally.

Acadia71 09-05-2016 05:28 PM

Makes sense now, thanks very much for the info!

Ideally I want 50/50 both but there is a chance my shift changes to more of an 8/6 rotation soon.

No matter what I want joint on decision making.

blinkandimgone 09-05-2016 07:38 PM

One of the biggest mistakes i see in family law is arranging parenting schedules around work. It is entirely your responsibility to figure out how you would manage the kids full time as if the other parent were not on the picture. Whatever you would do in that instance you should be doing now, otherwise there is no potential for equal parenting.

Acadia71 09-05-2016 07:42 PM

I work away from home in camp so I can't have the kids when I'm on shift under any circumstances.
For now anyway..

blinkandimgone 09-05-2016 08:18 PM

So if your ex was in a tragic accident and no longer around to pick up yoir slack with the kids you would do what?

Acadia71 09-05-2016 08:21 PM


Originally Posted by blinkandimgone (Post 211098)
So if your ex was in a tragic accident and no longer around to pick up yoir slack with the kids you would do what?

Probably move to my home town and have family take them while I worked??

Or just quit and figure it out I suppose.

What are you getting at exactly? What would you do? Hire a nanny or something?

blinkandimgone 09-05-2016 10:10 PM

What I'm getting at is if you plan your parenting schedule around your work, expecially if it removes the possibility of you being an equal time sharing parent then you are effectively making your ex 'The' parent and you the wallet who takes them when he 'can'.

It is absolutely acceptable to make use of childcare when necessary to accomodate your job. Most families do at some point or another.

You are setting yourself up for many years of conflict as your work schedule changes over and over, not to mention giving her the perfect excuse to consistently deny you equal time with the kids. "You can't have them because you're working." will be the reason every single time you request a change, not because she said you couldn't handle having your kids while working, like most other parents, you're telling her you can't handle having the kids while working.

I've seen it over and over, people who make their parenting schedule around work instead of the other way around spending years in court and thousands on lawyers.

I assume you work the hours you do because when you were married the marital relationship allowed you to do that. You're no longer in the marital relationship that allowed you to do that and so you choose to either change your job to accomodate your responsibilities as a parent or you change your views and expectations of being an equal parent.

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