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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2012, 08:29 AM
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The very short email exchange, and bizarre response go like this:

Dad (me):

"Can you send D4's skates and helmet with her, on Friday, when I come to pick her up?
I'll take her skating this weekend. Much appreciated"

Mom:

"Go fucking buy your own! im not doing you any favors anymore!"

Needless to say, I did not respond to her.

And I'd really like to know what "favours" she is referring to, as there have been done. lol. Not an advice-looking thread...simply a "vent".

And a "cheers to the weekend" outlook. lol.

I've already went and got my daughter another pair of skates and helmet, to keep at my house.
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:36 AM
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I have a similar ex...unable to put the childrens' needs first but rather to exert himself in anyway possible to cause me grief!
Ultimately not engaging in any verbal exchanges will defuse the situation. They'll have to find someone else to take out their frustrations on!!!
That's my hope anyway!!!!!
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:38 AM
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And this is exactly why I insist on us using email exchanges, for low priority communication, which she is against. She wants communication face to face. chuckle.
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:42 AM
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Email is great for tracking their responses...
I think face to face would be challenging for most.
I know that it would be for me
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:56 AM
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Email is a challenge as well, as lately, she will not read them for many days or even weeks at a time, sometimes. I get a response much later, after something has already passed, etc. I've had to use an email tracking/confirmation service with communications to her.

Which is why (I forgot to include), that I left a voicemail for her as well, lastnight, as my email had not been read yet, which was the same short message, with the additional "in case you don't see my email in time". Likely the only reason she knew I had sent her a request.

Perhaps her response this morning, is because I left her a voicemail?
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:57 AM
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Like I said..."cheers to the weekend". chuckle.
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Old 11-30-2012, 09:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Troubled in TO View Post
I have a similar ex...unable to put the childrens' needs first but rather to exert himself in anyway possible to cause me grief!
Ever look at it from the opposite position. That you create your own grief in life? Also, my recommendation is if you are getting this kind of statements and comments from anyone it may constitute "violence" and the court would consider a material change in circumstance.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Troubled in TO View Post
Ultimately not engaging in any verbal exchanges will defuse the situation. They'll have to find someone else to take out their frustrations on!!!
With the "!!!" on the end of that statement, you clearly do not like the other parent. If you are quick to project blame on the situation entirely on the other parent and proclaim it on a message board... One would have to consider your reactions to the other parent in any stressful situation or exchange. Hopefully your statements such as these don't come with "!!!" attached and in the presence of the children.

Hopefully you never put a ! at the end of a paragraph in an affidavit as well when communicating your "grief" and frustrations. Judges have a keen eye and can pick out the truly "troubled" party quite often.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Troubled in TO View Post
That's my hope anyway!!!!!
Why would you wish that someone else is the target of such conduct? Say the children? Would you hope that the parent in question's supposed giving you "grief" is targeted at the children?

I highly recommend this thread to everyone posting to this thread complaining about the communication issues with their ex-partner / other parent.

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...-mossip-13753/

And...

Quote:
remind the parties where they began; that they once loved each other and were kind to each other; and that their children were born of love. If these parents could have remembered the beginning more, and focussed on the end less, their children would not have suffered so much as a result of the end of their “story” as a couple.
To add to the Honourable Madame Justice Mossip's excellent comment... That the parents themselves would not have suffered (and continue to suffer/be "Troubled in TO", "SadAndTired", et all...) as a result of the end of their "story" as parents.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Last edited by Tayken; 11-30-2012 at 09:23 AM.
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Old 11-30-2012, 09:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Troubled in TO View Post
Email is great for tracking their responses...
I think face to face would be challenging for most.
I know that it would be for me
Always remember that your comments, statements, allegations, and words will be read by the court too. Also, if you plan to use the exchanges the court will require the entire thread of communication. It isn't a great idea to present just a small set of the communication. It is always recommended you put everything in.

Reason being, you may go to court crying foul and find yourself with all the bad things you have done before the court. There are many litigants that try to put themselves in the "best light" before the court. Project blame and try to paint the other parent as "all bad". Not a good strategy for litigation. Especially when the communications are persistent and the other parent has a full set of the copy. Gets even worse when you are communicating on Our Family Wizard and a third party and accountable to the content not being destroyed or damaged is involved...

Furthermore, jurisprudence on the matter of communication states: (my emphasis added)

Quote:
[71] The Ontario Court of Appeal’s approach to joint custody has evolved over the years. In Kruger v. Kruger[18] and Baker v. Baker[19], the court held that joint custody is an exceptional remedy that should only be granted in circumstances where the parties demonstrate co-operation and appropriate communication, and are willing to try a joint custodial arrangement. Since that time, the court has dropped the requirement of consent to a joint custody order, but has maintained that in order to grant joint custody, there must be some evidence before the court that, despite their differences, the parties are able to communicate effectively with each other.[20] The rationale for this principle is that the best interests of the child will not be advanced if the parties are unable to make important decisions regarding the child under a joint custody regime.

[72] While some measure of communication and cooperation between the parties is necessary to support a joint custody order, the court is not required to apply a standard of perfection in assessing the ability of the parents to work together. As Quinn, J. remarked in Brook v. Brook, “the cooperation needed is workable, not blissful; adequate, not perfect.”[21]

[73] A mere statement by one party that there is an inability to communicate will not be sufficient to preclude a joint custody order. The court must carefully consider the parties’ past and current parenting relationship to obtain the “big picture” respecting the parties’ ability to communicate, rather than simply relying on allegations of conflict by one or both of the parties, or a snapshot of the situation that exists at the time of trial.[22]

[74] The existence of conflict and strife between the parties from time to time will not necessarily preclude the court from making an Order for joint custody. The question to be determined is whether the conflict between the parties is impacting or likely to impact on the well-being of the children. If the evidence indicates that the parties, despite their conflict with each other, have been able to communicate, shelter the children from the conflict reasonably well, and put the children’s interests ahead of their own when necessary, an order for joint custody may be appropriate.[23] The question for the court to determine is “whether a reasonable measure of communication and cooperation is in place, and is achievable in the future, so that the best interests of the child can be ensured on an ongoing basis.”[24]

[75] Where an objective review of the historical and more recent evidence clearly indicates that there has never been an ability to cooperate or communicate effectively, or that one or both of the parties is/are unable to put the needs of child before their own, joint custody is not an appropriate order.[25] In these circumstances, hoping that communication between the parties will improve once the litigation is over does not provide a sufficient basis for making of order of joint custody.[26]

[76] In analyzing the ability of the parties to communicate, the court must delve below the surface and consider the source of the conflict. The Ontario Court of Appeal has clearly stated that one parent cannot create conflict and problems with the other parent by unreasonable conduct, impeding access, marginalizing the other parent, or by any other means and then claim sole custody on the basis of lack of cooperation and communication.[27]
V.K. v. T. S., 2011 ONSC 4305 (CanLII)
Date: 2011-09-09
Docket: DF 2217/09
URL: CanLII - 2011 ONSC 4305 (CanLII)
Citation: V.K. v. T. S., 2011 ONSC 4305 (CanLII)

So before having your negative advocate solicitor try to spout off that joint custody and equal residency won't work because of "communication" issues... Really consider the court's view, and not just your "emotional reasoning" as to what a court truly considers... The court doesn't sort out emotions. They sort out cogent and relevant evidence.

If the balance is against you on the probability of being the conflicted party and you brought the motion forward.... (Applicant) This will weigh against you even more generally.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Last edited by Tayken; 11-30-2012 at 09:40 AM.
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2012, 09:12 AM
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Hi Tayken,

In my own case, I try to contain my "communication" to her, solely in email, so that there is a record of exactly what is said, and how it was written. I write to her, like I'm writing to one of my customers (business like). :-) I'm of the strong belief, that is why she does not want email communication anymore. But it's what I'm sticking to...or trying to.

I have many, many emails from her, with responses like this. You think court would consider it "violence"? I think it's abusive, personally, towards the other co-parent, but not sure it's "violence". But you have more knowledge in this. But again, it's why I insist on email "communication".

Yeah, I keep full email threads.
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Old 11-30-2012, 09:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
Yeah, I keep full email threads.
Move it to Our Family Wizard if you can...
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