Bad talk in front of the kids....what can I do?

[Teenwolf]

Originally Posted by billiechic

There really is nothing you can do but avoid situations where you can be cornered, wear a recorder when you can (best $70 I ever spent!) and stay on the high road.

If you have a smartphone, then you can download a voice recorder app. Works like a charm and costs nothing. It also works well to not be suspect. Most people will not be suspect of your phone, but a dictaphone may be a different story. I realize that you typically conceal a dictaphone, but you can lay your phone on the table or hold it in your hand and get a much higher quality recording.

[iceberg]

"don't worry mommy, I don't believe anything Dad says, you are a good Mom".

Thats so sad that a 7 year old has to listen ill talk about her mom, its too emotional for the kids, I think your ex need to take some parenting classes. If you have that clause you need evidence too to take him to court.

@Teenwolf: most phones flash when you record with them and recorder has better quality

[Teenwolf]

Originally Posted by iceberg

@Teenwolf: most phones flash when you record with them and recorder has better quality

I can only speak for my phone and neither holds true. Long live Android

[hadenough]

I have the same useless clause. Our communication is minimal. Never face to face and only the occasional txt or email. Kids are smart and can easily see who the instigator is. You are doing the right thing by staying calm and telling him to "Stop". Ofcourse it is highly inappropriate and a sad thing: that he insists on behaving so poorly and disrespectfully. Explain calmly to the kids that you do not condone this behavior. That it is an inappropriate and unacceptable way for him to behave.

He's obviously not managing well with the break up. Your calmness and dialogue with both kids, open and honest will prevail. Whether you were on a date or not: its none of his business and simply reinforce with the kids that they are first and always your concern. Its too bad kids get exposed to this but use it as a lesson to your advantage and one that will serve them well. The message is, you can't control what other people say but you can say that it is unacceptable and not to be excused in any way or tolerated. Toleration is validation. You have a son that will learn from a strong mother that this is not the way to treat women, and a daughter who will see you as a strong role model that is showing her that this is not how men should treat women. Thank God you are no longer with him. You saved yourself, and your kids from a whole lot of heartache. My ex used to do that to me. My son saw through him and we are very close. He sees me as a strong willed person and has so much respect for me. He's 13 and I unloaded the jerk ex 5 years ago.

[billiechic]

Originally Posted by Teenwolf

If you have a smartphone, then you can download a voice recorder app. Works like a charm and costs nothing. It also works well to not be suspect. Most people will not be suspect of your phone, but a dictaphone may be a different story. I realize that you typically conceal a dictaphone, but you can lay your phone on the table or hold it in your hand and get a much higher quality recording.

I tried this when I had a Samsung, and it shut off during the most important part of the recording. Blackberry did the same thing. And yes, you can tell they are recording.

When my ex put his phone on the table during a conversation, that was an instant clue that I was likely being recorded..therefore concealment (and the ability to get a clear recording) was very important. Phones are simple not built to excel at that..thus the money on a voice recorder. I put it on meeting setting and it can easily pick up voices within 5-10 feet even when it is in my purse (with speaker facing out) or pocket.

its up to you. You likely dont need to be too worried about excellent quality, as court will probably want a transcript of the conversation as well and will not want to listen to the recording anyway. You just need to have it as evidence, and be able to transcribe the entire conversation.

[inseperationhell]

Thank you for the replies and the advice on recording...I shall make the investment.

Back to Dad today for the kids...my son cried all though the morning routine saying that he didnt want to leave Mom...begging me to stay home with him. He broke down at school during the drop off saying he wanted to be with Mom. My D11 said to me that she considered my house home...not dads. My D7 told me of some alarming situations when with dad ie they dont need to wear seatbelts in his car etc. I am seeing their social worker tomorrow. I escaped the abuse but fear I have put them in harms way...

[pokeman]

i must be in a different world

all this tech talk about recording things, honestly has anyone had a major change/decision in their favor occur due to a recording they made

my experience with recordings is that lawyers , therapists and/or anyone the old Judge is willing to listen too simply say they cant hear or make out who's on it

however, a dozen people people who have no value to the court say 'oh my god she gets away with that' ....

is this an alberta thing or are people just giving advice of making a recording cause it sounds like a sane thing to do that cant be denied - cause here it can.

[billiechic]

Recordings are used generally to protect oneself from untrue accusations.

It is difficult to have the recording used as evidence, thus the advice to also create a transcript.

it is more beneficial to have a recording to play back to your lawyer (or theirs) when these untrue accusations arise. If you can show proof that your ex is outright lying, the other lawyer may back off or withdraw the accusation.

Recordings aren"t just useful in trial, they are useful right from the beginning, hence the recommendation to use them if you feel threatened.

[beebie]

Reaction is what he is looking for....don't respond.

Rest assured that your kids know the score and tell them often in word and deed how you love them.

Make your exchanges so you never meet him...curbside pickup and dropoff? School pickup and dropoff? He prob won't indulge (as much) if you are not there.

[inseperationhell]

Thanks for the words...I am trying no contact drop offs etc.... I have heard that the kids see through all the bull. I just can't understand how a "loving and caring" parent could put their kids through crap like this, with no consequence....