after school care

[hockeydad]

I am in a shared parenting arrangement (week on week off) with the kids going to their mom's after school during my week as she is home. If a child is 14 years old and responsible I am suggesting that they now do not need to go to her place during my week but can go to my place for the 1.5 hours til I get home with obvious house rules in place etc. She is refusing this change so can I just tell that it is up to the kid to decide as long as we are informed and that she cannot force the after school parenting plan to continue. It was orginally done just between us. Not sure why the resistance.

[LotusLand47]

A 14 year old can babysit. How old are the other kids? What does the agreement read?

[wretchedotis]

Not that I suggest you use this tactic - but a 14 year old can run away from home. The police can't really do much about it if they do. So it would make sense that the same thing stands for where the child chooses to spend his after school time.

I don't believe a judge would make a ruling as she wants. The child would have alot of influence on what would happen.

[blinkandimgone]

What you choose to do during your time is your choice. Fourteen is old enough to babysit legally, perhaps put her through a babysitting course just for good measure and hopefully have mom ease up.

If the agreement was simply verbal between the two of you then it's unenforcable. Just make the change and let her know the children will be in your home after school during their access week with you.

[dinkyface]

Ask her what her concerns are so that you can do something to address them.

[Canan]

I am very new here and cannot speak to any legal stuff as I don't really know that part of it.

I started babysitting young kids (up to 3 of them) at 13 so at 14 your child definitely can be home alone.

You mentioned that your child stays with his or her mom after school when it's your week and that she is home. Perhaps that is why she does not want to change the plan? She would like that extra 1.5 hours with him or her? Did she explain why she is resisting?
Would she be open to trying your suggestion of different after school care for a couple of months to see how it suits the three of you? Perhaps if it turns out to be a disaster you could go back to the way it was before.

Good luck with everything and I hope it all works out for you!

[sjandme]

I would ask myself what really is best for my child - to continue this routine or change it?

The idea to present this as a "let's see how this works" basis is a good one.

Maybe also consider offering something to your spouse ... to accept the change.... e.g. establish that your child will call mom when she or he arrives at your place.

Also, if 14 year old is old enough.... maybe your 14 year old might want to flip back and forth - from heading to mom's place or to your place - day to day even - regardless of which parent's week it is. (Every week is your kid's week.)

What will happen in the 1.5 hours that didn't happen before? What won't happen that did before? Remember to filter this through the question what is best for my child.

Finally, there is a wide range of maturity at 14 - which is ok. Just don't evaluate each 14 year old exactly the same .....

Good parenting.... a lot of work .... especially if you are in our situation!

All the best.

[billm]

Ummm, not getting this one - how far apart are the houses, what are the kids ages??

If mom is home and mom wants them to come to her house, why the hell not?? Sounds like it would be good for mom and for the kids to see her everyday after school (like it would be if we could all just manage to stay together!!).

It does not seem to have anything to do with you, so why do you want to change it?

I try not to think of "my time" and "her time", but both parents 24x7. Why would you try to assert "your time" when your not even around??