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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-29-2006, 10:43 AM
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Default Access 4x3 and 1 week on/off challenges.

We seem to have an issue with access schedules and would like some opinions out there.

Heres some background.

1. Kids ages range from 4 to 9.
2. They go to a before and after daycare for 10 months of the year.
3. They go to a french speaking school and homework is in french. Monday to Thursday is mainly a 'school' routine days.
4. Friday to Sunday is a 'leisure' routine days
5. My spouse has two months off in the summer.
6. I work through the summer can can take off 2 weeks.
7. Typically we send them to daycamp for two weeks at the end of summer when she begins to go to work.
8. Going for Shared custody - 50/50.

Our goals -

1. Basically my spouse is wanting alternate weekends to allow both of us to enjoy 'leisure' time with the kids - year round.
2. With kids so young, we thought about a 4/3 day rotation but are having trouble working the alternate weekends into the equation to allow both spouses to have leisure time with kids.
3. To work towards a 1 week on/off schedule as kids get older.
4. To figure out how to schedule access during summer months - June 15 to Aug 15 while she is off during that period and I can take close to 2 weeks off in that period - leaving a month of trying to work out access with one parent off the other working -- possibly having daycamp or daycare during that period???

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Hubby
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:13 PM
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There are many ways to do this. You're limited only by what will work well for the children.

Here's one sample schedule:

One party will parent the children from Friday after school (or 5:00 p.m. if there is no school) to Monday morning before school. The other party will parent the children from Monday before school to Wednesday after school (or 5:00 p.m. if there is no school). The first party will parent the children from Wednesday after school (or 5:00 p.m. if there is no school) until Friday after school (or 5:00 p.m. if there is no school). The week will then repeat reversing which party has which block of parenting time.

Here's another one:

The child shall reside with the Wife starting every Sunday morning, Monday and Tuesday overnight and with the Husband every Wednesday morning, Thursday and Friday overnight. The parties shall share Saturdays and therefore the drop-off alternates between Saturday morning and Sunday morning depending upon which parent has Saturday in any given week.

Regarding summer vacation, given the children's ages, 2 x one week periods with each parent would be appropriate. During the rest of the summer, the regular schedule would be followed.
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:38 PM
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Thanks Jeff ... this was driving me nuts!

Hubby
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Old 03-29-2006, 07:38 PM
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hubby,

It is good to see that you and your spouse are working together so that both parents are to sustain vital role to the children.
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Old 04-01-2006, 07:54 AM
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My advice: go week on/week off. 4 and 9 is NOT too young. These nutty broken up schedules serve no one except the parents. It drives kids nuts (as well as schools, daycare, friends, etc). The kids will not know whether they are coming or going. Just when they settled in, they move.

Also, think about all the continuity for homeworks, books, school stuff, lessons, etc.

Today you have them. Next 2 days your ex has them. The next 3 days you have them. The next 2 days your ex has them. The next day you have them. The next 4 days the ex has them. Yikes all mighty.

But if you cannot convince the ex you can go:

- week on/week off (7/7)
- m/tu ex, w/th you, alternate f/s/s (2/5)
- m/tu ex, w/th you, f/s/s ex, m/tu you, w/t ex, f/s/s you (2/2/3)

Good luck.
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Old 04-01-2006, 10:29 PM
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I'm going to have to agree with DecentDad . Hubby, I dont think your kids are too young to go one week on/one week off. If you break up the schedule too much, they will never really "settle into" the household routines.

Keep it simple for the kids sake and not always wondering which house their are suppose to be at. The kids are also going through a difficult period/transition in their lives.
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Old 04-02-2006, 12:47 AM
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Good point ... I'm just wonder being an anglophone how I fair doing french homework with em?!

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Old 04-02-2006, 12:51 AM
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Tutor's are a Section 7 expense.
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Old 04-03-2006, 08:05 PM
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O I am soooo glad I read your post.

My ex and I split 17 years ago, and it's been a ball. I have full custody but he wanted to stay involved with the kids. And he did.

AND SO SHOULD YOU

And I'll tell you something, even though I have full custody of the kids - I don't think he really knows that and I wasn't about to inform him so he "thinks" we have split custody. Anyway, he lives about 50-kms from me, but I let the kids go to school in an area that was good for both of us... ha ha ha walking distance from his new digs....and he picked up the kids in the morning at my work and dropped them off there after work. He kept them overnight night two nights a week and had them every other weekend. Now the kids are old enough, they float back on forth whenever they want.

THIS IS NOT A GAME.....

So don't treat it as such, if you are going to be there, you have to be there, and you have to be there (I'm not really repeating myself). You have to be able to be flexy with your ex...(oh an bite the inside of your mouth alot...), when your ex asks you "would you mind trading weekends" - trade - sometimes I think that having "split" (lol) custody would be easier.... but it's not.... it takes alot of hard work... sometimes you might even think... jeeze maybe I should have stayed married.... but in the end you will both reap the benefits.

Good Luck....(and sometimes I think it's really sad that in today's day and age that more people aren't like us eh.... (sorry guy's not poking any fingers))
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Old 04-04-2006, 12:58 PM
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I agree with the week on, week off schedule. My kids are 7 and 5 and they are fine with it. We've been doing it for about 1.5 years after 6 months the other way. I call them every night at their Mom's, even if for a few minutes and that contact seems to help the separation.

I found the 2-day, 3-day schedules hard to remember, manage and plan around. The weekly schedule is repeats and is predictable over the medium term. It is also predictable for the kids. My older daughter hated the other schedule types because she couldn't always remember it.

I think that the transitions can be a challenge for the kids. For us, the transitions happen on Mondays. I drop the kids off at daycare and their mom picks them up after the school day. The "big bag" only moves once a week with the transfer items (jackets, library books, stuffed animals). The kids' mom and I don't generally cross paths so the kids don't see tension between us.

Good luck
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