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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 11-20-2012, 09:58 PM
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Default 2-2-5-5 --> 50-50 Residential Schedule Explained

Hi All,

To save many the pain and agony of massive legal bills, outragious "Section 30" "expert" advice and to assist in resolving common 50-50 residency schedule issues here is what a 2-2-5-5 access schedule looks like...

I am sure I will get hate private messages from private custody and access evaluators for this one...

Week 1:

Monday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)
Parent 2 drops off child(ren) to school/daycare; Parent 1 picks up.

Tuesday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Wednesday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)
Parent 1 drops off child(ren) to school/daycare; Parent 2 picks up.

Thursday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

Friday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)
Parent 2 drops off child(ren) to school/daycare; Parent 1 picks up.

Saturday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Sunday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Week 2:

Monday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Tuesday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Wednesday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)
Parent 1 drops off child(ren) to school/daycare; Parent 2 picks up.

Thursday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

Friday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

Saturday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

Sunday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

** Repeat to Week 1 -> Monday and continue...

Note:

(a) Equal number of overnights and weekends between Parent 1 and Parent 2.

(b) Same two weekday nights are free each week for either parent to work or do other things.

(c) Same two weekday nights children are with either parent to schedule special activities (piano lessons, swimming lessons, etc...).

(d) On the days that the children transfer residences, one parent takes the children to school/daycare and the other parent picks them up. This gives BOTH parents the opportunity to get to know the school/teachers/daycare workers and minimizing transitions with both parents present.

Special arrangements for exchanges that happen when school/daycare is closed:

Depending on the day (Monday or Wednesday) the exchange should happen at a mutually agreed upon location, and the exchange should happen at the time the children are being picked up from school/daycare (or you can choose to agree to when they are dropped off). This would be for national holidays, professional development days when there is no class or when the daycare provider is not provided. Generally, if you look at a calendar year with holidays, it only happens once or twice.

Good Luck!
Tayken

PS: I will write up the paragraphs that should go into a separation agreement / court order to this effect later in response to this thread that you can cut-and-paste into a document.

Last edited by Tayken; 11-20-2012 at 10:00 PM.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:55 PM
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Thanks for sharing!
I thought it could be helpful to share my 50/50 arrangement also, as it may be of interest to others. Background: my children are 2.5 and 5 years old.

Week 1:

Monday - Parent 1 drops off and picks up at school/daycare, overnight
Tuesday - Parent 1 drops off - Parent 2 picks up and "visits" then returns the children to Parent 1 at 6:45pm
Wed: Parent 1
Thusday: Parent 1 drops off - Parent 2 picks up at school/daycare and has overnight visit with children
Friday: Parent 2 drops off at school/daycare, Parent 1 picks up - overnight
Saturday: Parent 1
Sunday: Parent 1 until 4pm when Parent 1 drops off at Parent 2's house to begin week #2. (overnight at Parent 2)

Week #2

Monday: Parent 2
Tuesday: Parent 2 drops off, Parent 1 picks up for visit until 645pm. Returns to Parent 2 for overnight
Wed: Parent 2
Thursday: Parent 2 drops off, Parent 1 picks up for overnight visit
Friday: Parent 1 drops off, Parent 1 picks up - overnight
Saturday: Parent 2
Sunday: Parent 2 until 4pm - Parent 2 drops off children at Parent 1's house to begin week 1 (overnight).

The children are doing well in this arrangement - they get to see both parents regularly, even on the "off" weeks which is important for this age group.
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Old 11-21-2012, 01:31 PM
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folks who have this kind of schedule going on, do you think the children feel better with the whole week on week off program or if they see each parent on alternating days?. i am not looking at whats more convenient for the parents but what works best for the child psychologically.

thx
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Old 11-21-2012, 01:40 PM
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I have seen with my children, they thrive with a couple of days of consistancy with one parent. Being organzed with their school work and house chores, having some days to settle in with one home. I certainly think that alternate days would be ridiculous.

I think a week on/week off schedule is too much the other way. Unless there is a lot of contact by phone or webcam, it is too long to spend away. Even after 3 or 4 days I look at my 8 year old and see a different person, different vocabulary, different ideas. I want to be a part of those changes, and so does my ex. So I have always felt a week apart is too much.

So, just my personal experience and observations, but if the intent is to truly have equal parenting, then this means equal involvement of both parents that doesn't get interrupted by long stretches apart. Depending on age, a week can be a huge time away. For kids in their mid-teens, maybe not so much.
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Old 11-21-2012, 02:20 PM
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My sister and her ex work on a 2 night, 2 night, 3 night schedule.
EG
Monday- Mom
Tues-Mom
Wed- Dad
Thurs- Dad
Fri-Mom
Sat-Mom
Sun-Mom
Mon- Dad
Tues-Dad

and so on and so forth. Their child is 3 right now and she seems well adjusted with this schedule. They also do an evening phone call so that their daughter can say goodnight to the other parent each night. In my opinion this schedule works out great. While the child can never really settle into one house they never really unsettle from both houses.
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Old 11-21-2012, 02:37 PM
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I have a 2-2-5-5 with my children (ages 2 and 4). Honestly, I am surprised that this is not the standard arrangement. It provides consistency for activities, allows frequent contact with both parents, and produces relatively little "churn" in terms of switching for the kids.

The 4-year old already pretty much gets the schedule. It is pretty easy to follow.

The way we think of it is in terms of evenings. So, if I have Monday evening, then I also have Tuesday morning until I bring the kids to school. If I have Sunday evening, then I also have Monday morning until I bring the kids to school. If I have Thursday, then I pick up the kids on Thursday.

So, the schedule:

Mon/Tue: Father
Wed/Thu: Mother
Fri/Sat/Sun: Alternates

March break is a full week, alternating each year, but weekends as normal.

More fully fleshed out example, starting on a Monday morning after a weekend with the mother:

Monday morning: Mother gets kids ready, brings them to school/daycare
Monday afternoon: Father picks up
Tuesday morning: Father gets kids ready
Tuesday afternoon: Father picks up
Wednesday morning: Father gets kids ready
Wednesday afternoon: Mother picks up
Thursday morning: Mother gets kids ready
Thursday afternoon: Mother picks up
Friday morning: Mother gets kids ready
Friday afternoon: Father picks up
Monday morning: Father gets kids ready
Monday afternoon: Father picks up
Tuesday morning: Father gets kids ready
Tuesday afternoon: Father picks up
Wednesday morning: Father gets kids ready
Wednesday afternoon: Mother picks up
Thursday morning: Mother gets kids ready
Thursday afternoon: Mother picks up
Friday morning: Mother gets kids ready
Friday afternoon: Mother picks up
Monday morning: Mother gets kids ready

And start process again.
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Old 11-21-2012, 02:47 PM
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More of 2-2-5-5

Since I have every monday, I can schedule an activity for the children without worrying about the impact on the other parent. If it works, then it works. The other day, a parent asked if we could have a playdate on a Tuesday in December. The answer was yes, without even checking with the other parent, because I knew for sure that the children were with me on Tuesday.

Also, those 5-day stretches allow for much deeper bonding, in my opinion, then frequent back and forths. Two days is a visit, 5 days is a stay.

We do not do nightly phone contact. My children remember me and are happy to see me when they see me. They are happy during their times with the other parent as well. I would not want to interfere with my children bonding with the other parent, and I presume that the other parent feels likewise.

Another benefit is that there is extremely minimal contact between parents. Unless it is a special day (holiday) I do not see the other parent at all. In other words, this schedule can work even for highly conflicted parents. Holidays will involve contact regardless of the schedule chosen, and 2-2-5-5 pretty much removes contact during other times.

Obviously, it would have been better had there been no separation, or such a rapid introduction of the children to new partners, or threats to grab full custody, or thefts from joint accounts, etc, but given the situation, I think that the schedule is the best that it could be.
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Old 11-21-2012, 04:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fireweb13 View Post
and so on and so forth. Their child is 3 right now and she seems well adjusted with this schedule. They also do an evening phone call so that their daughter can say goodnight to the other parent each night. In my opinion this schedule works out great. While the child can never really settle into one house they never really unsettle from both houses.
The "rule of thumb" on 2-3-3 versus 2-2-5-5 is the age of the child/ren in question. (Well, from the clinical texts I read on the matter anyway...)

Children 3 and under -> 2-2-3
Children 5 and over -> 2-2-5-5

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 11-21-2012, 11:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
The "rule of thumb" on 2-3-3 versus 2-2-5-5 is the age of the child/ren in question. (Well, from the clinical texts I read on the matter anyway...)

Children 3 and under -> 2-2-3
Children 5 and over -> 2-2-5-5

Good Luck!
Tayken
Would hate to be a 4 year old lol. Does make sense though.
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Old 07-20-2013, 04:57 PM
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Default EOW to 2-2-5-5 after 23 months?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Hi All,

To save many the pain and agony of massive legal bills, outragious "Section 30" "expert" advice and to assist in resolving common 50-50 residency schedule issues here is what a 2-2-5-5 access schedule looks like...

I am sure I will get hate private messages from private custody and access evaluators for this one...

Week 1:

Monday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)
Parent 2 drops off child(ren) to school/daycare; Parent 1 picks up.

Tuesday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Wednesday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)
Parent 1 drops off child(ren) to school/daycare; Parent 2 picks up.

Thursday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

Friday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)
Parent 2 drops off child(ren) to school/daycare; Parent 1 picks up.

Saturday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Sunday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Week 2:

Monday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Tuesday:

Children with Parent 1 (overnight)

Wednesday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)
Parent 1 drops off child(ren) to school/daycare; Parent 2 picks up.

Thursday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

Friday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

Saturday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

Sunday:

Children with Parent 2 (overnight)

** Repeat to Week 1 -> Monday and continue...

Note:

(a) Equal number of overnights and weekends between Parent 1 and Parent 2.

(b) Same two weekday nights are free each week for either parent to work or do other things.

(c) Same two weekday nights children are with either parent to schedule special activities (piano lessons, swimming lessons, etc...).

(d) On the days that the children transfer residences, one parent takes the children to school/daycare and the other parent picks them up. This gives BOTH parents the opportunity to get to know the school/teachers/daycare workers and minimizing transitions with both parents present.

Special arrangements for exchanges that happen when school/daycare is closed:

Depending on the day (Monday or Wednesday) the exchange should happen at a mutually agreed upon location, and the exchange should happen at the time the children are being picked up from school/daycare (or you can choose to agree to when they are dropped off). This would be for national holidays, professional development days when there is no class or when the daycare provider is not provided. Generally, if you look at a calendar year with holidays, it only happens once or twice.

Good Luck!
Tayken

PS: I will write up the paragraphs that should go into a separation agreement / court order to this effect later in response to this thread that you can cut-and-paste into a document.

Situation:

EOW 7-7 for 23 months.
Worked well for kids d11 and s9 when mom and dad lived 3 minute walk apart, and we each saw children daily (most of first school year: mom homework after school, dad: kids breakfast, teeth cleaned, on bus: irrespective of who's parenting week)
Move: mom moved 30 mins. away. Changed everything: no daily contact between parents and children.

Comment: For reasons stated in this thread 2-2-5-5 seems in best interests of children. I will propose 2-2-5-5 to my ex. I anticipate pushback due to logistics brought on by her move 30 mins. away from habitual school area.

Question: will court acknowledge EOW status quo of 23 months as stability and the norm (status quo), or consider the 2-2-5-5 and deem it in best interests of children - irrespective of 23 months and move of parent?
Is status quo 50/50, and EOW or 2-2-5-5 is simply format to arrive at 50/50?

Appreciate insight you'd care to share
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