Wife Took 3 year old daughter

[stevennew]

About 6 months ago my wife started having an affair with an formally addicted cokehead. Yesterday I told her I was done and told her to make a decision me or him. Today on Fathersday she pick her up from our hours and took her to a family bbq. I got a txt saying she was keeping her. I have an idea where he Lives. I want my daugther back.

My Wife and I have approx $250K in debt and about 230K in assets. We have two cars woth total $10K and a house which is solely in my name. The house we live in my parents rent the top part and we live in the bottom part. We also owe my parents for a loan 70K when she sold us the house and give us the money to help us out of debt. The agreement is they live rent free until there paid back.

My wife has no income and in living at her boyfriends house and now has taken my daughter there.

I have no far changed the locks on the house and cancelled her cell phone not sure if i will be looked badly on for that.

I really do not like the fact she is driving a car in my name around town. If there anything I should do about the car?

What can I do get my daugther back the cheapested way and the fasted.

Including all the debt we owe its like $320K and we only have about $230 in assets,

Thanks

[standing on the sidelines]

first off you guys are married so debts and assets are 50/50. I take it she has one car and you have the other. There is nothing you can do about that. As for her choice in boyfriends, not the ideal man but if he has gotten help with his addiction and is on the straight and narrow now then his past is his past. You cannot change the locks as it is still her house also. The cell phone is a different matter, you can cancel that if the contract is in your name.

Even if you have an idea of where she is do not go over there. You cannot go bargeing into his house and take your daughter. He can have you charged with trespassing and probably other stuff.

See a lawyer and get the papers rolling to regain access to your daughter.

[stevennew]

Thanks for your reply

Her boyfriend is unemployed and ten years her junior. Hes 19 and they are currently living with his grandparents. He gets
disability.
The house we have is a little werid. My parents have the upstairs and we have the downstairs. There are no doors between the side door and my parents section. My Brother and his two kids Live upstairs along with my Sister and her Boyfriend. I have a rental aggrement with my Sister as required by the mortage. No money changes hands they just pay all the utilities for the house including mine.
I have a modest income of 45K per year.
My Wife was in a couple of car accidents three years ago and has gotten part of her settlement in April and had it spent by June. She got 38K for schooling and to pay her income for 2 years. Her pain and suffering is still not been settled and that could take years i hear.
Money was mostly spent on Weed as she has a bad habit but in the last month she has not been able to do as much as she was because I'm not bank rolling it anymore.
With our big debt load which I completely pay because she blew all her money on drinking and weed. Almost all of the debt is solely in my name accept for the 2K overdraft which is joint and about 5K of her own debt.
What can I appect to happen in court when it comes to the house and debts. There is ZERO equity. We owe the banks 100K more then we have in assets.



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[billm]

If you are married then ALL of the debts and assets are to be split 50/50. If she does not work you will have to pay SS and CS if she has some custody. You may have trouble with the private loans - you will need to prove the money changed hands etc (should not be that hard), also the rent free part of the pay back will complicate things perhaps, but really it should not, you simply owe them a certain amount of which your spouse is responsible for half - how you pay it back it up to you and the parents - she has already agreed of the method of payback which includes no rent....

Technically, if she give you a check for (320-230)/2= $45K, and you keep all the assets, then for example, that would work.

As for custody, you have to determine if your ex will immediatly agree to 50/50 custody, and set a specific schedule (or less custody for you if you want but 50/50 is the best for all usually).

If she wants full custody and you want 50/50 and/or she is denying you access, you MUST immediatly get an emergency court order for shared custody - but best to work this out with ex directly.

DO NOT do ANYTHING negative - words or actions - cancelling the cell phone without reasonable notice was not a good idea, locking her out of her own home was not a good idea - give her a key right away and apologize. I am not suggesting you agree to anything that is not fair, but dont sweat the small stuff and always be honourable.

Good luck to you and your family.

[kids1st]

Forget about the assets and debts for now. Go see a lawyer ASAP and be prepared to bring an emergency motion to have your daughter returned to you. If it takes you more than a day or two to bring such motion it will be assumed that you were okay with illegal removal. Unless you pose a safety threat to your daughter, she should stay at home. Also make sure you ask for reasonable access for your wife in that motion.

Good luck.

[stevennew]

thanks guys......She went to court today but did not file a motion. Later my Sister talk her into returning our daughter home. She is staying at her mothers now.