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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 11-07-2017, 10:13 PM
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Default Why fathers and Shared Parenting Matters....

Many of us are fighting for 50/50 parenting...

Kate331 has the opposite problem, she has trouble getting the father of her children to be a part of her their lives and in her words, wishes she had the problem of a father fighting for shared parenting.

I discussed it with her privately about what to share with her ex about why this is important and she suggested sharing it with the open forum..

So here goes Kate331

In the latest studies such as the 2015 Swedish study published in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, results from a sample of 150,000 suggested that children fare better when they spend time living with both of their parents. “Having two parents also tends to double the number of resources a kid is exposed to, including social circles, family and material goods like money. Only having access to half of that may make children more vulnerable or stressed than having it from both parents, even though they don’t live together”. “The more interesting finding was that students who lived with both of their separated parents reported significantly fewer problems than kids who lived with only one parent.” Time magazine article:http://time.com/3836627/divorced-parents-jointcustody/

According to the latest statistics by the department of health and services:

● Sixty-three percent of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
● Ninety percent of all homeless and runaway youths are from fatherless homes.
● Eighty-five percent of children who exhibit behavioral disorders are from fatherless homes.
● Seventy-one percent of high school dropouts are from fatherless homes.
● Seventy percent of youths in State institutions are from fatherless homes.
Seventy-five percent of adolescent patients in substance abuse centers are from fatherless homes.
-truancy and poor academic performance (71 per cent of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills; children from father absent homes are more likely to play truant from school, more likely to be excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16, and less likely to attain academic and professional qualifications in adulthood)
-delinquency and youth crime, including violent crime (85 per cent of youth in prison have an absent father; fatherless children are more likely to offend and go to jail as adults)
-promiscuity and teen pregnancy (fatherless children are more likely to experience problems with sexual health, including a greater likelihood of having intercourse before the age of 16, foregoing contraception during first intercourse, becoming teenage parents, and contracting sexually transmitted infection; girls manifest an object hunger for males, and in experiencing the emotional loss of their fathers egocentrically as a rejection of them, become susceptible to exploitation by adult men)
-drug and alcohol abuse (fatherless children are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, and abuse drugs in childhood and adulthood)
-homelessness (90 per cent of runaway children have an absent father)
-exploitation and abuse (fatherless children are at greater risk of suffering physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, being five times more likely to have experienced physical abuse and emotional maltreatment, with a one hundred times higher risk of fatal abuse; a recent study reported that preschoolers not living with both of their biological parents are 40 times more likely to be sexually abused)
-physical health problems (fatherless children report significantly more psychosomatic health symptoms and illness such as acute and chronic pain, asthma, headaches, and stomach aches)
-mental health disorders (father absent children are consistently overrepresented on a wide range of mental health problems, particularly anxiety, depression and suicide)
-life chances (as adults, fatherless children are more likely to experience unemployment, have low incomes, remain on social assistance, and experience homelessness)
-future relationships (father absent children tend to enter partnerships earlier, are more likely to divorce or dissolve their cohabiting unions, and are more likely to have children outside marriage or outside any partnership)
-mortality (fatherless children are more likely to die as children, and live an average of four years less over the life span)
Given the fact that these and other social problems correlate more strongly with fatherlessness than with any other factor, surpassing race, social class and poverty
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Old 11-07-2017, 10:22 PM
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You need to do a search of the forum. LF32 has discussed these topics at length in other threads.
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Old 11-07-2017, 10:46 PM
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It is a lot more complicated than that. There can be many reasons "fatherless home" influences a child's outcomes, and many other reasons beyond "fatherless home" than influence a child's outcomes. What about thevariable "fatherless home" is the issue for suicide, drop out, drug use? Is it the break or lack of a supportive relationship? Is it the decreased money a father would bring? Is it abuse from that father the child expereinced earlier? Fatherless homes is 1 variable. There are many other variables which also influence drug use, dropping out of school, etc. Poverty, mental health, addiction in a parent, difficulty in school. Poverty of course is a big one. Poverty means you are less likely to do well in school, have poorer physical and mental health, transportation problems to access health and other social services, poorer nutrition, the list goes on and on. Poverty and fatherless homes are also linked. So to say this 1 variable "fatherless homes" influences all of these social problems is to simplify it considerably. No doubt it does influence them, but it is 1 of many issues.
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Old 11-07-2017, 11:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denbigh View Post
It is a lot more complicated than that. There can be many reasons "fatherless home" influences a child's outcomes, and many other reasons beyond "fatherless home" than influence a child's outcomes. What about thevariable "fatherless home" is the issue for suicide, drop out, drug use? Is it the break or lack of a supportive relationship? Is it the decreased money a father would bring? Is it abuse from that father the child expereinced earlier? Fatherless homes is 1 variable. There are many other variables which also influence drug use, dropping out of school, etc. Poverty, mental health, addiction in a parent, difficulty in school. Poverty of course is a big one. Poverty means you are less likely to do well in school, have poorer physical and mental health, transportation problems to access health and other social services, poorer nutrition, the list goes on and on. Poverty and fatherless homes are also linked. So to say this 1 variable "fatherless homes" influences all of these social problems is to simplify it considerably. No doubt it does influence them, but it is 1 of many issues.
these are statistics. These correlate more highly with fatherlessness than with poverty, race etc. The correlation is extremely high. Look at the african american communities in places like Chicago where there is 72 to 80 homelessness and then look at the number of crimes, murder, poverty, children having children. Conversely, look at communities such as religious communities, jewish communities, several asian communities where there is a focus on keeping families together and then look at the resulting economic success, educational attainment and low crime rates.

There are only three things one has to do to be assured 90% to not end up in poverty.. finish high school, one year of work, not have children out of wedlock..
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Old 11-07-2017, 11:14 PM
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Thanks Doctor Martin for the info. I couldn't agree more that 50/50 should be default. And children in Fatherless homes are disadvantaged. Have you ever thought that your up against a system, that is full of "Deadbeat" Dads? (Sorry to use that term for all the wonderful Dads here) but I believe it needs to be addressed before "the system" can move forward. Just my 2 cents
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Old 11-07-2017, 11:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
You need to do a search of the forum. LF32 has discussed these topics at length in other threads.
I will search through his stuff.
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Old 11-07-2017, 11:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
You need to do a search of the forum. LF32 has discussed these topics at length in other threads.
I wish LF32 was still here. After reading his post, I think he would understand my situation. I do hope he is not here, because he is blissfully happy with his family!
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Old 11-08-2017, 12:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
Thanks Doctor Martin for the info. I couldn't agree more that 50/50 should be default. And children in Fatherless homes are disadvantaged. Have you ever thought that your up against a system, that is full of "Deadbeat" Dads? (Sorry to use that term for all the wonderful Dads here) but I believe it needs to be addressed before "the system" can move forward. Just my 2 cents
I think our culture well addresses dead beat dads... in the media etc. But I don't think you hear the other side.. the women who pick horrible fathers. For examples, lets say you go and get pregnant by a guy who is a bum on the street, is it really fair to call him a dead beat dad after the fact? Or was it the mother's poor choice in who to have a child with? I am saying both are bad. But in our culture currently single moms are held up as heros. In some cases they are, but there are also a lot of women out there who make really poor choices in the men they decide to have children with. And its treating them like children not to give them moral agency as well.

I think our society should encourage people to make better choices in who they have kids with and then if possible keep families together.
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Old 11-08-2017, 12:42 AM
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I think right now, I need to deal with my own problems and consequences for the best interest of mine and my fathers children, and deal with my own poor choices before I am ready to conquer others parents problems. Your "what ifs" are thoughts for more senior members who have "been there" imo. I havent even reached the court system yet.

Did the Mother of your child make a poor choice? If society should encourage people to make better choices, where did u go wrong?
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Old 11-08-2017, 01:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
I think right now, I need to deal with my own problems and consequences for the best interest of mine and my fathers children, and deal with my own poor choices before I am ready to conquer others parents problems. Your "what ifs" are thoughts for more senior members who have "been there" imo. I havent even reached the court system yet.

Did the Mother of your child make a poor choice? If society should encourage people to make better choices, where did u go wrong?
Yes but not because I'm a bad father, I'm a great father.. but because she got pregnant on purpose to try and keep me .. I had always wanted to get married and be very selective before starting a family.. This is someone i never would have chosen to have a child with.. Yes i had sex with her.. but she lied about birth control and then about having an abortion.. Im still responsible for my actions but my point is that had a planned things out I would never have had a child outside of marriage and I wanted till late 30's and was still unmarried and had never been because I was waiting for the right person to have children with.

I spent years dating recreationally .. had i had it to do over again i would have been pursuing a relationship much more seriously early on.. but even then it took me a long time to start valuing the right things..

In any case at least i had the basics in my head that id never have children until i got married to someone I was sure about and spent a good amount of time married before having children... at least that was the plan..

The poor decision my ex made was trying to bypass the system.. I think a lot of people who can't have relationships let alone proper marriages think they can be good parents.. and i kind of look at it like learn to walk before you run.. but its a lot easier to have a child than it is to be a parent.. and I think people look for shortcuts in todays society.. So they rush to jump steps when they haven't even worked out their own emotional issues.
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