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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-24-2016, 12:29 AM
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so you have 3 kids who live with a mother who doesn't provide a stable home for children... home is "roach infested" ... mother doesn't provide stability for children... mother is currently bilking the system... mother is suspected to have mental health issues (not documented by a mental health professional). Mother is transient. Children have disabilities and mother is not providing adequate health support to children.

you consented to shared custody on more than one occasion?

Why? Why are you not putting your children's best interests first and foremost and seeking sole custody? I don't understand this.

How can shared custody be in children's best interests?
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Old 11-24-2016, 12:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
so you have 3 kids who live with a mother who doesn't provide a stable home for children... home is "roach infested" ... mother doesn't provide stability for children... mother is currently bilking the system... mother is suspected to have mental health issues (not documented by a mental health professional). Mother is transient. Children have disabilities and mother is not providing adequate health support to children.

you consented to shared custody on more than one occasion?

Why? Why are you not putting your children's best interests first and foremost and seeking sole custody? I don't understand this.

How can shared custody be in children's best interests?
Arabian - She had the kids full-time for most of their life. She has moved a lot however that is in the past. She couch surfed from July 2014 until Sept 1 2015 when she got her current apartment. She has not moved since although she has talked about it - talk is cheap. Therefore currently, she is considered stable in the eyes of the judge. Her previous apartment was roach infested however I have no proof of such other than the CAS worker telling me she did however the judge keeps denying my requests for CAS records stating that the roach infestation was from 2014, she doesn't live there any longer and the judge accepts that she states that she does not have a roach infestation right now. Unfortunately without proof, it is hearsay and she claims there was none. Mother is milking the system however I have been told not to concern myself with that as that "does not affect the kids", it will be something I bring up should we head to trial. I do agree to some extent that although she is milking the system, she is providing for the children and their basic needs are met. The OCL sees her milking the system as her being able to be there before and after school for the kids and me owning my business means I will have work commitments even if I say I can work around their schooling, it means nothing because she is a guarantee. My concern is now that she has stated that she wants full custody for the sole purpose of money. Her mental health issues are well documented by a psychologist however she puts on a good front and makes it seem as though she is following their recommendations and is "under care" therefore not much I can do. Her doctor has written a letter to the court stating that she is not a risk and is under control and his supervision. I have just received proof of her not giving the boys their medication as I went for a school meeting for my son when the school psychologist said the mother admitted to her not giving them their medication because they wake up too late to go to school.Prior to that all I had was my boys telling me they don't take it. I am building a case for full custody however I wanted to know if her stating that she wants full custody for money reasons will help my case for 50/50 alternatively full custody if I am able to build a strong enough case with proof. Although I agree that full custody to myself would be in the children best interest, I need to ensure I have the case to back me up or I will fail miserably and possibly loose the chance of 50/50 custody which I have a good strong case for now. My kids are almost at the age where they will be able to walk away and come live with me at will. If I fight for the next 3 years plus like I have been told it could take, My sons will be 14 and 15, more than capable of walking away. My daughter will be 11 and almost able to walk. If our court systems were fair and truly looked at the best interest of the child, we would be having a completely different conversation. Right now my strength with proof is shared custody. If and when I am able to build a solid case for full custody, I would then move to that fight.
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Old 11-24-2016, 12:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
you consented to shared custody on more than one occasion?

Why? Why are you not putting your children's best interests first and foremost and seeking sole custody? I don't understand this.

How can shared custody be in children's best interests?
He has a penis. The most he can hope for is 50%. He is just being realistic.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-24-2016, 04:36 PM
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Hope things work out for you and your children.
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Old 11-24-2016, 07:43 PM
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The money aspect is pretty irrelevant.
There is no proof about roaches, your word against hers.
Kids are not failing school - it's considered a win.
A psych has said she is fine, so she is fine.

You barely have a case for shared custody because you have to first pass the test of "Significant Change in Circumstances"

Last edited by Links17; 11-24-2016 at 07:46 PM.
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Old 11-24-2016, 08:21 PM
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You have a tough case. You made some pretty bad agreements, especially handing her full custody.

Fortunately, custody and access are two different things.

Your proof that she wants to cut your access to less than 50% just for financial reasons might just be the material change in circumstance (that Links is talking about) that the judge will need. That's a BS reason to prevent your child a 50/50 relationship with another parent. Drop your cockroach stuff, etc and focus on how a 50/50 relationship will benefit the child. Focus on her reasons for denying it ($$$$$$) and let the judge decide.
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Old 11-24-2016, 08:29 PM
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The whole thing sounds bizarre.

Two children, similar in age, who are ADHD? At 11 and 12 years of age would they not be old enough to be responsible to take their own medication? (children, many years younger, are instilled with responsibility of taking medication... asthma, etc.). At the very least, I think a thorough medical examination would be in order to better-ascertain the children's current medical status.

Another child with a school record showing "52 lates" on attendance record. Is this child doped up as well?

I don't know how welfare funding goes but perhaps it is financially beneficial for a parent to have children who are "diagnosed" with something?

At the very least, I would want a 2nd medical opinion... but then I'm suspicious by nature.
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Old 11-25-2016, 01:33 AM
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Originally Posted by freckles1234 View Post
The other parent called me a few weeks ago and stated that the reason she keeps backing out of the agreements we make for 50/50 shared parenting time (I agreed to her having legal custody with 3 pages worth of restrictions) is because of financial reasons. She is currently (for the last 11 years) on welfare and she obviously receives child tax benefit. She stated that she believes her welfare will decrease and that she will only get half the child tax benefit and she does not want to have to get a job and therefore wants to agree to her having majority of the time on paper and we make a separate agreement otherwise. THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN, I will not play those games however I do record all interactions with the other parent as she has accused me of being abusive towards her (usually in a hissy fit when I don't give in to her demands) and want to keep proof that I do not interact with her unless I have to and all interactions are polite.

Can this help me in my case? Can I use this as evidence if we ever get to the trial? She is obviously not looking at the children best interest (50/50 with regular contact with both parents) and only looking for her financial interests.
Probably not. Her motives for wanting to retain sole custody of the kids don't matter, all that matter is whether this arrangement is in the kids' best interest or not. Don't get sidetracked into trying to prove what a bad person she is - she's lazy! she doesn't want to work! she admits that she only wants the kids so she can get money! Of course you think she's a jerk, she probably thinks the same about you, and it is really not relevant. Focus on the advantages and disadvantages for the kids of the present situation as compared to a 50/50 arrangement.

There's also a pitfall if you build up too much information about what a terrible person Mom is - if I were a judge I would ask why you agreed that such a terrible person would raise your kids, as presumably you had some idea that she was lazy, dirty, irresponsible etc before you signed the agreement giving her custody. The worse you make Mom look, the worse you will end up looking because you gave her the kids (until you changed your mind and wanted them back years later). Focus on the benefits of a 50/50 parenting situation, not the awfulness of Mom.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 11-25-2016, 01:33 PM
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Links - I have already proven a material change in circumstances as the kids lived with me for a year and were living with me at the time the court proceeding started. I also have a temporary order in place which gives me a little under 50/50 and have had that in place pretty much since the court proceedings started. I have not had EOW visitation since July 2014. (Technically February 2014 for my son 12, May 2014 for my son 11 and July 2014 for my daughter) I am not worried about the material change.

LF32 - I have not brought up any of the roach stuff or anything like that as I do not have proof. If and when I have solid proof, I will do so. I am very aware of the he said/ she said and will not bring anything up without solid undeniable proof. My focus of my case is:

1. The children were living with me full-time for over a year before the other parent unilaterally decided to change the status quo.
2. I have a signed agreement (mention on consent) where she agreed to 50/50 then changed her mind.
3. Since July 2015, I have had the children every Thursday-Sunday.
4. The many benefits of having the 50/50 arrangement stay in place


Like I said, I am not worried about my 50/50 case, I was just curious if this new information could be used.

Arabian - Yes my both were both diagnosed ADHD. They take their medication on their own while in my care. The mother told the psych at the school that they don't take it while with her because they wake up too late for the bus. Again, I am not there, I do not know what goes on at her house. My daughter does not have any diagnosis however she has 52 lates. She is in grade 3 and goes to a different school than my boys and her mother has to bring her... Mother admitted to OCL that she has troubles getting up in the mornings but "she is working on it". I attend all doctors appointments and although I may not agree with everything that goes on (mom has full custody so really, I have no say) I am very involved and ask questions each and every step of the way.

Stripes - Thank you for giving me some perspective. You are absolutely right and I will take that away. Thankfully right now we are in a temporary 50/50 situation and prior to that the kids were living with me (I do have proof and mother admits it) for a year prior to the temporary situation. When they came to live with me, it was moms doing and she gave them to me before she changed her mind. I have lots of proof on the benefits the kids have had with having both of us present. I think their mom tries to be a good mom and I think that there are definitely benefits she provides that I do not but I think this thread went a little sideways and it is a good lesson for me to stop with all the negative.

Mom's legal aid lawyer already tried to fight that there was no case because there was no change in circumstance (mom went back to original order after I served the court paperwork) and the judge denied it and said there is a big change in circumstance. I just want to get out of this court thing and move on.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 11-25-2016, 01:53 PM
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The kids being diagnosed with adhd is a pretty significant material change in circumstances. I would think.


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