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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 06-15-2015, 12:40 PM
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Default when does status quo starts? and court review daily log

The STBX has informed her lawyer that Feb 2015 is the separation date. STBX has been (and continues) not to be involved in the kids day to day life. Cooking groceries and laundry. If they are lucky 1 hour a day. Separation agreement is being drafted on basis that for the fore sable future all will reside in the same matrimonial home. (till one decides to remarry)
Lately STBX stays outside longer, 2 weekends in a row spending 1 hour with kids and the weekdays 40 minutes per day.

My goal is if the matrimonial gets sold, I buy a place she buys a place and primary residence goes for me (as I am the parent who is doing the driving the morning time, bedtime routine, weekends, recreational activities..etc). Shared custody still valid. I have been told by the STBX that she will not drive the to any activities and she will just keep them at home plus the driving to home daycare/school. I would be responsible for.

I started writting a daily log based on advices. I started that once the STBX considered that we are separated.

To my knowledge the court doesn't have time to read a log of daily activities.
So when does the satutues quo start? And if the court doesn't have the time to review the log, how do they decide on the status quo?
Thanks
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Old 06-15-2015, 01:02 PM
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Status quo starts when the children are born and the new parents settle into their parenting routine. Several natural 'break points' occur as the children age and that routine changes, such as one or both parents returning to work after parental leave, the children entering daycare or school, or if there's a move or a parental work hours change, etc. A new status quo gets established each time.A parental separation is just one more such break point, but a critical one from a family law standpoint.What role did each parent play throughout the children's lives? What role did each parent play during the relationship breakdown? How was the children's routine affected by these changes? What is the current routine? An in-house separation is a bit odd, because both parents do still see the children on a daily basis even if the workload isn't even. What does your ex do with the children if you take off for a day? That might be important to be aware of and document.The judge isn't necessarily going to read everything you document, that is correct. You just have to have it on hand IN CASE he decides to peruse it as the proof of what you are claiming.So - your claim is that you should have primary parenting time and most of the access, because this is the status quo the children are familiar with. You do the bulk of the parenting work, and the other parent does what she is able when she feels like it. You propose that you continue this routine post-separation, with you having the children during the week and getting them to school and fed and homeworked, and to activities, etc, and your ex has them every other weekend or something. Whatever you think everybody can handle. If the judge doubts that this is the current routine, you have your journal to offer as proof.If I recall correctly, your ex wants the children at least as much as you get them, for whatever reason (sexism, money/greed, punitive). But she's already said (in writing? try to get it in writing by only negotiating via email) that she does not intend to even keep up with their basic routine. If the judge asks her for proof that her proposal is the status quo, she has nothing to offer him. And you have contradictory proof to offer to refute her demands.The judge doesn't have to do much more than skim the documentation. He just needs to give it enough time to determine which stack of evidence is more compelling. It sounds like your ex won't have much!I still do not recommend long term plans to co-habitate post-separation. It will be just too emotionally stressful on you, which impacts the children. Plus, it just gives her more opportunity to abuse you. Start working on selling the house as soon as you have a court order or signed agreement.

Last edited by Rioe; 06-15-2015 at 01:07 PM. Reason: paragraphs defying me
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Old 06-15-2015, 01:17 PM
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There are 2 types of status quo - one matters officially and one doesn't.

The first one is the one that matters: This is a status quo that the parents generate themselves without any court involvement and how thye manage their affairs (AFTER the separation date). The judges will look at this and say

"Look, after seperation you guys thought it best to run your lives like so....
Since you guys chose it then I Will implement it in an order"

This is a trap, especially with SAHM because its normal to not expect the mom to get out and go to work right away and though the goal was a temporary transition the court will act like it was the way the parties decided to manage their affairs.

The other status quo is when there IS a judgement and the status quo now becomes established.

In the above 2 cases the judges can LEGALLY use those as "status quo" situations the changing of which are considered "destabilizing".

______________

The second type of status quo are "interim" and "illegal" status quos. These are situations which are generated by interim judgements or child abductions. In either of these 2 cases, when judges must decide on accessory measures they are prohibited from using those status quos as the basis of their decision because interim decision are in their nature supposed to be NON-PREJUDICIAL and ABDUCTIONS even though they established a status quo it was acquired via fraud thus the court should not endorse it..

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Its very important to not legally agree to things that you aren't comfortable living with for the rest of your life. It is better a judge orders you to do something especially on an interim basis since it has not legal prejudical value.
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Old 06-15-2015, 01:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abuseddad View Post
The STBX has informed her lawyer that Feb 2015 is the separation date. STBX has been (and continues) not to be involved in the kids day to day life. Cooking groceries and laundry. If they are lucky 1 hour a day. Separation agreement is being drafted on basis that for the fore sable future all will reside in the same matrimonial home. (till one decides to remarry)
Lately STBX stays outside longer, 2 weekends in a row spending 1 hour with kids and the weekdays 40 minutes per day.

My goal is if the matrimonial gets sold, I buy a place she buys a place and primary residence goes for me (as I am the parent who is doing the driving the morning time, bedtime routine, weekends, recreational activities..etc). Shared custody still valid. I have been told by the STBX that she will not drive the to any activities and she will just keep them at home plus the driving to home daycare/school. I would be responsible for.

I started writting a daily log based on advices. I started that once the STBX considered that we are separated.

To my knowledge the court doesn't have time to read a log of daily activities.
So when does the satutues quo start? And if the court doesn't have the time to review the log, how do they decide on the status quo?
Thanks
Why are you agreeing to shared custody if she isn't going to take the kids to activities?

Shared custody is great if both parents are invested and interested in the kids but if a parent openly says they won't take their kids to activities I consider that a lack of interest or investment.
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Old 07-06-2015, 10:46 AM
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Thanks for your responses. I have been presented with draft seperation agreement that proposes shared custody and yet I will be driving to activities. Other parent refuses to drive to activities. The agreement proposes 40 km away from current home . I see this as not in the best interest of the kids in terms of schooling.
Question I have, how difficult it is to get primary residence? It all depends I know, but something like driving to activities and that 40 km away from their current school.
This might be the issue that will cost everything when it goes to court?
Any experience on this will be greatly appreciated?
Thanks
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Old 07-06-2015, 12:44 PM
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How easy? Depends, will you be staying in the matrimonial home or in an area close to the matrimonial home? It's typically in the kids best interest to either keep them in the home or in the immediate area, school zone etc. If she wants to move 40k away then she can do that herself but then becomes responsible for the transportation to and from school, activities and pickup /dropoffs for exchanges.
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Old 07-07-2015, 07:52 AM
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I am planning to stay near the school. I can't buy her out.
If I try to get primary residences..should I start getting letters from daycares, schools...etc to show that I was the primary care giver. I have her mom to testify as well...
Thanks
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Old 07-07-2015, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abuseddad View Post
I am planning to stay near the school. I can't buy her out.
Staying by the school is the best thing you can do. Everything else you are worried about is really not as important as you think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by abuseddad View Post
If I try to get primary residences...
See. This is your problem.

Primary Residence is a term that should only be used by justices. Not by counsel or the litigants. It is an old term that really shouldn't be referenced. You should be talking about establishing a situation where the children "equally reside with both parents". Then the whole argument of "primary residence" is irrelevant.

Also, you shouldn't try to "get" anything. You setup a war of words when you try to "win" in family court. At best you may want to try to insure that the court establishes a reasonable habitual residential location / jurisdiction for the children. A good example would be a 30KM radius from the children's current school. Not one parent's particular house. Why? Because people move.

Quote:
Originally Posted by abuseddad View Post
should I start getting letters from daycares, schools...etc to show that I was the primary care giver. I have her mom to testify as well...Thanks
No. Why? Read this article which expresses the reason way better and is from a respected professional:

Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Quote:
Separated parents in high conflict have a way of dragging others into their child custody and/or access dispute. Not just family friends, and neighbours, but every professional associated with the children. The parents seek to bolster their claims to support their custody and access position and believe letters of support from their professional service providers will do the trick.

They ask doctors and dentists for letters stating which parent more often brought the children to appointments. They ask daycare providers and teachers how the child behaves depending on which parent drops off the child. In the process, the parent also informs the professional of his or her version of events, thus going beyond asking for a letter of support, by actively recruiting the professional to his or her side of the dispute.
You should read every article on Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW - Counselling; Individual, Marital, Family.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 07-07-2015, 06:12 PM
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Thanks for your input.. the question is, is it to the best interest of the kids that their mother doesn't take them to activities, not spending enough time with them,moves and decides for them to change school. The 40 km from school is temporarily till she gets the legal divorce and then she will propose a school 20 km (in between) regions?. Till now if the kids see their mother for less than 1 hour a day.
I feel that the kids are not connected to her, simply because she said time and time again that she will connect with them when they are teens.
These are the facts.
Thanks
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