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-   -   What would you Do? (http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/what-would-you-do-21073/)

Busch 05-29-2017 12:46 PM

What would you Do?
 
Hi All,


Short and sweet back ground:
Separated and divorced 7 years
Joint custody with me as Primary caregiver of children 8 and 11.
EX has EOW access. He moved to US after order was finalized and now chooses not to access children on a regular basis.


Last week I received a phone call from FRO requesting more contact info for my EX. I provided them what I had. FRO tells me the jurisdictional courts are asking for new info. I tell them that as far as I am concerned this is the only contact info. FRO advised that EX is not living at contact address nor has the number provided. This is all news to me.


When EX wants to see the children I write a letter for the Border stating that children have my permission to cross on date crossing and returning as well as stating that they are traveling with EX's and are staying at 123 Ex Street, City and State.

I have never denied EX access to the children...even though sometimes I would like too. I don't always feel comfortable having the children cross the border, but they deserve a relationship, as little as it may be, with their father....but here is where my challenge comes in to play.....


Now maybe I am being petty, or childish or just off my rocker...this is why I am reaching out for suggestions, thoughts, comments and opinions.

I do not want to send the children across the border, knowing that the information I have is incorrect. How do I approach this with the EX? What I want to do is send an email to let him know that I have been advised that his contact information is not current or up to date and request updated info. If not provided, or if I am given the same information, then I want to tell him that he can access the children for the weekend, but that I will not be providing BC's or permission letter for the border. He will need to access here in Ontario.


What would you do?!?

Janus 05-29-2017 01:27 PM

Dear ex,

It has come to my attention that you have inadvertently provided me with the incorrect address. Please provide me with the correct address so that I can properly fill out the border forms. The kids are really looking forward to seeing you, and I wouldn't want there to be any issues.

Sincerely,

Wonderful Me.

Berner_Faith 05-29-2017 07:56 PM

Do you exchange taxes? Is his address on there? I assume not of FRO is trying to collect for him.

I agree with the email above. A simple request and if he denies or provides the same info you have the option of saying no to the boarder letter


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Rioe 05-30-2017 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus (Post 221134)
Dear ex,

It has come to my attention that you have inadvertently provided me with the incorrect address. Please provide me with the correct address so that I can properly fill out the border forms. The kids are really looking forward to seeing you, and I wouldn't want there to be any issues.

Sincerely,

Wonderful Me.

I wouldn't be quite so facetious with the 'inadvertently' bit. We all know it's not inadvertent.

I've recently realized that the address I'm using for you is not up to date. So I can have an accurate address to use on the consent letter and border forms, please let me know your current address. They won't be able to cross the border without it, as I will not put inaccurate information on a government form.

Busch 05-30-2017 11:42 AM

Janus, thank you for the laugh with the wording of your mock email!


Berner, we are supposed to exchange, however I seem to be the only one that sends the required documents. I'm thinking that asking him to send his taxes to prove a current address will be the way I go about this situation. If he doesn't provide then I will refuse to send the letter. Our court document states nothing about having to allow access in the US, so I won't be breaking any orders.


Rioe, you are correct in the wording of the email. I would like to be as sarcastic and facetious as possible.....however most times EX doesn't understand that I am being sarcastic and it only starts a war. Thanks for your input.


I was only asking as I don't want to let the kids travel if I don't know where they are going. That would be irresponsible of me. I wanted to ensure that I wasn't being selfish and thinking with my heart rather than my head.


Thank you all for your help on this. Maybe if I get taxes or an email stating a proper address I can forward that to FRO, who will send to the ISO department and the support will begin to flow!

Janus 05-31-2017 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rioe (Post 221148)
I wouldn't be quite so facetious with the 'inadvertently' bit. We all know it's not inadvertent.

But it is fun to send little pokes. If the ex doesn't realize it is a poke, bonus!

That said, your boring message is also acceptable

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rioe lamely but correctly suggested

I've recently realized that the address I'm using for you is not up to date. So I can have an accurate address to use on the consent letter and border forms, please let me know your current address. They won't be able to cross the border without it, as I will not put inaccurate information on a government form.


Rioe 05-31-2017 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus (Post 221172)
But it is fun to send little pokes. If the ex doesn't realize it is a poke, bonus!

That said, your boring message is also acceptable

I prefer to be subtle with my snark. so as to prevent the war @Busch mentioned. Perhaps too subtle.

I don't think not letting them cross the border when you don't know their address/destination is unreasonable, by the way. Not sure that came across.


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