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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 11-10-2014, 10:05 AM
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Hi everyone,

I'm confused as to what to do with my ex. He wants access and custody to our son. However, I do not feel the baby would be safe with him unsupervised, as he has shown signs in the past of aggression towards the baby. He has called the baby vulgar names, when the baby would cry he has told him to shut up a couple of times, called him a "sh*& disturber, and the final straw was, when I left the baby with him on the bed as I went downtstairs to make breakfast, I heard the baby crying and then loud thumping sounds and the baby crying even louder. When I ran upstairs, I grabbed the baby from the bed, he was shaking and ask the ex what was going on, he said he was punching the headboard of the bed the baby was laying on because the baby wouldn't stop crying. The baby at that time was two months old. We are now separated, and he has asked to see the child only a handful of times in over a year. Now he wants access and custody. What do I do. I"m terrified of leaving my child with him alone.
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Old 11-10-2014, 04:28 PM
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If we were to ask your ex for his account, would it match yours? Just curious. He would tell us that he told the baby to shut up and punched the headboard because the baby was crying?

He has a right to access and custody. Any history of child abuse or police involvement for child abuse?

Sounds like your relationship may have been dwindling. I'm assuming there's much more to the story than him punching a headboard.
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Old 11-10-2014, 04:40 PM
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You need to raise the concerns with your ex in the exact same wording that you used here. See what he says, and what he is willing to do to address your concerns.

If you have no established history of police involvement, your ability to do anything about this will be restricted.

If he has removed himself from regular contact from the child over the past year, he has already hurt his case. He is unlikely to get joint custody, merely visitation rights, if you end up in court.

You would need to provide more information for members to give you a better idea of what could be done.

-What kind of custody is he seeking?
-How much time does he want?
-Is he paying support?
-Was he every physically violent with you or the child, or just short-tempered?
-Did he have any stressors in his life that influenced his behaviour, and if he did, are they still present?
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Old 11-10-2014, 04:41 PM
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This really irks me. Its so convenient to say: my baby's daddy is abusive blah blah only when he wants to see the child or when custody to mom is threatened. How come you didn't label him as abusive then? Or any time within the past year? Come on, you surely know he is the father and with that comes rights to access.

So here is the deal: If he is an abuser, it does look rather fishy at this point and time. Because it's never been an issue thus far.
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Old 11-10-2014, 05:16 PM
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It's getting old isn't it Serene. Irks me as well.

Let me guess .. those handful of times he's asked or access he's been denied correct? Since she's afraid of leaving the child with him I'm assuming his requests have been shot down. Tries to make him look bad for only asking a handful of times but denies him access. No wonder he stopped asking.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 11-10-2014 at 05:19 PM.
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Old 11-10-2014, 05:24 PM
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Thank you for your questions. Yes we were having a lot of problems and issues in our marriage. He was stressed out with work and our constant fights. He and I are first time parents. He was not prepared for the baby crying all night. I do have him on record stating what he did and said to the baby. He had in the past threaten to get full revenge on me if I ever did anything to him. So after that incident I left immediately and did not call the police. I did seek help from his mother when he first starting yelling at the baby and calling him names. His mother shrug it off and said " he was just joking". I do want him to be in my the baby's life. I'm just afraid of leaving the baby with him alone. If my baby was at an age where he could communicate than maybe it would be easier for my son father not to be stressed out. He hasn't asked for custody till now. He knows very well the reasons why I wont allow him to be with the baby alone. I have been in contact with his mother and allowed his family to see the baby. And his mother has called him to come over when I"m around with the baby so he can see the baby and my ex refused to see the baby. My ex went two months without seeing the see the baby. He started coming around to see him after his mother got involved. And then when he came over to my house ( I do not live alone, I have people with me when he is over) to see the baby, he started insulting me and yelling at me while he was holding the baby. I had the courage to speak up and I kicked him out of my house. I did not want my child to be in such a hostile situation. That same day he sent me text messages just insulting me. The next day he said he wanted to see the child. So I told him he could see the baby in a public place. So as we walked to the mall, he started walking faster and faster until he and the baby were out of my sight. I panicked and caught up to him at the mall. I grabbed the stroller and asked him what he was doing. He got mad, started swearing and left. I did not hear from him for 8 months till now. In those 8 months I sent pictures to his mother and allowed his mother to see the baby. I also sent pictures and text to his brother to allow them to see the baby. I even sent baby pictures to my ex. I do want my son's father in his life. I'm just afraid of leaving the baby alone with him. My son father has anger issues. He has punch the car's windshield, and one time when I was pregnant he tired to chock me. These are things I thought occurred because it was my fault. I angered him. I nagged to much and made him mad at me. It took a lot to leave him. My mother has witness him yelling and cursing at the baby while we were married, before I left him. So dont go around saying I have refused to let him see the baby because this isn't the case. Dont assume that I'm saying all this because he has finally asked for custody. Because I left him for these reasons. Just because other women out there use this card, doesn't mean the rest of us, are not legit.
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Old 11-10-2014, 05:31 PM
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It has been an issue so thats why I left him. He never asked for custody till now.
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Old 11-10-2014, 05:45 PM
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You trust his mother?
Custody = Legal custody?

-Offer him supervised access with his Mom there with the possibility of increasing access upon agreement between the parties (means nothing).
-Custody in Quebec is default 50/50 - we don't fight about it anymore. It doesn't mean much anyways.
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Old 11-10-2014, 05:53 PM
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Its hard to trust his mother, because when we were married and I told her that her son was cursing and yelling at the baby, she shrugged it off and said her son was just joking. I feel that as his mother, she will excuse his bad behavior. She will always side with her son and not be partial. I thought I could trust her, but when she defended her sons behavior towards our son. That's when I knew she could not be trusted.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confused0123 View Post
Its hard to trust his mother, because when we were married and I told her that her son was cursing and yelling at the baby, she shrugged it off and said her son was just joking. I feel that as his mother, she will excuse his bad behavior. She will always side with her son and not be partial. I thought I could trust her, but when she defended her sons behavior towards our son. That's when I knew she could not be trusted.
she may have thought you were exaggerating the incident. Maybe you have a history of being a drama queen or making a mountain out of a molehill. She is the grandmother of the child and I cannot see her letting him mistreat the child in front of her.
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