What are her chances? / Thoughts...

[Laurie Wilde]

So here is the short version...
Father has confirmed drug problem; CAS has gotten involved and said he shouldn't be alone with the baby; he doesn't give support; emotionally abusive toward mother; uses influence over mother to get visits and when she gets there he spends no time with the child and runs off to drink with his friends after an hour. Mother has seen lawyer, father has been contacted by lawyer but did not respond. He refuses to agree to a parenting agreement. The mother wants to get away from the guy and, like C.A.S. believes that supervised custody is best but she should not be the one to supervise. The father has now said he wants mediation which would be a horrible idea due to the emotional abuse inflicted on the mother. He still won't respond to the lawyer as he would prefer to pressure the mother into giving him what he wants. Past criminal behaviour etc. would make things difficult for him and he knows it so he harasses etc.

I guess after all that my questions are...
Does the mother stand a chance to get sole physical and legal custody? The father seems to be all talk and no action. He wants the baby but has nothing to indicate that is the case. He says he wants every other weekend for the full weekend and one overnight a week. Does anyone know to what extent the CAS report will have an impact? To what extent does the father failing a drug test make a different? What impact does the father saying he wants to see his son make to the judge if the mother is good, the child is in a stable and loving environment and the father is only in the pictures because he gets off on manipulating the mother and beating the system. It might have more to do with that than the child.

The mother, the child's aunt and the child's grandmother have been constant fixtures in the child's life since day one. They attended every doctor's appointment for the mother and the child. They help pay for daycare, bring the child to daycare, and help with every aspect of the child's upbringing. This has been the status quo and has made for a wonderful and happy child.

The major concern here is the safety of the child. His father does drugs, has a criminal record and was even taken into custody for pushing the mother out of a car. For the child's sake of course he should have some contact with his father but am I wrong in thinking that there should be some supervision? The mother has even offered the services of a social worker to supervise the visits at her expense once a week but the father refuses. This only reinforces the belief in my opinion that what he wants is control over the mother rather than time with the child. To the fathers out there if you had the opportunity to see your son would you not take that opportunity when you can get it? Wouldn't you reschedule with your friends who want to take you out drinking so you can spend time with your son? That's what I would think.

[mominont]

She has a chance to get sole custody and supervised visitation.

What your friend needs is a

1.) letter from CAS stating their position.
2.) Copy of all domestic disturbances regarding the parties.

CAS might give a letter if the case hasn't been closed, otherwise the friend would need a court order from a judge to have the case documents supplied
2.) The local police dept should be able to provide those documents, they might strike out the other parties name and I believe there would be a fee involved.

Depending on where the family lives there are supervised access centres, and the mother and father do not need contact with each other.

[Laurie Wilde]

Thank you for the response. I'm thrilled you think she has a chance. I just hope desire and ability are seen by the court as being two very different things.

She already has the letter from CAS. The worker met with her in her home and met the father as well but not in his home. The worker sent a letter to both basically stating that the father would not be allowed to be with the child unsupervised, that the mother could be the supervisor of the visits - although her lawyer believes it is unrealistic to believe she should continue to be the supervisor indefinitely, that drug use had been confirmed and that provided the mother stayed in the current household i.e.: with the maternal grandmother and aunt the file would be closed. Any change in living arrangements for the child and the file would be re-opened.

The mother is afraid to go forward out of fear of losing the child and that if the father were to get custody/unsupervised access that he would use the opportunity to get back at the mother by keeping the child.
I mean this is a man who laid down behind the mother's car to stop her from leaving with the child at the end of the visitation. This is also a man who lied to the very gullible mother about what the CAS worker had said to him to pressure the mother into agreeing to an overnight with the baby - to which she did not comply. I just worry about face to face court situations. She turns to mush when he is around. He has gotten out of so many legal situations because of technicalities or through intimidation before. If he gets legal aid he could drag this on months even years without having to pay (or paying very little) for the legal/court costs. The mother has been emotionally abused and is getting help but the father knows the power he has over her and I believe that any form of mediation would be unwise. Does anyone know if one person asks for mediation does that mean the other person has to agree? I thought I read somewhere that unless mediation is court ordered both parties must agree and it is unlikely in cases such as this (and by this I mean abuse). Does it make you look bad if you don't agree to mediation? She did offer to write up a parenting agreement with him before when he received the letter from her lawyer but he refused. He says he wants 50/50. I'm not sure if that means shared legal and physical custody but he has nowhere to put the child and is routinely kicked out of the house by his mother for doing drugs etc. and when that happens he expects the mother to bail him out. As for legal custody, I believe every single decision would be a fight to the death between the two of them. The mother has already been making decisions where the child is concerned as far as health and education are concerned. He has not been involved and has rarely asked about the decisions unless it is to complain but never to offer assistance.

I believe I read on the Ottawa Divorce site that in cases where parents could not agree then shared custody won't be considered. Is that the case if one parent would only agree because she/he is afraid of the other?

Sorry to go on like this but the outcome means everything to me. I suppose I just need some reassurance.

[wretchedotis]

I think she should attend mediation. To attend is not to necessarily agree or come to a settlement, but it would show she is open to all possablities.

I would think with CAS' involvement, assuming the allegations are confirmed by investigation, she has an excellent chance at sole custody.

Having said that, if he shows real improvement and desire to be a part of the childs life, I do not think he should be excluded.

Children need both their parents. Even if one of them is a reformed boozer/druggie.

addendum*

One cannot force someone to Mediation. I'm not sure if it can even be court ordered. or at least be successfull if court ordered.

[mominont]

I think that if there is any kind of abuse, verbal, emotional, etc, mediation will not be the best way to proceed. She will likely feel bullied!

If the mother is fearful of a unsupervised situation about the child not being returned she could also ask that the order have the provision that local police are able to get involved.

I've been in court 3 times and have not spoken to the other party it is done through lawyers.

Also unless both parties are currently implementing a 50/50 ratio it is highly unlikely a judge would order it. It would also not look good in court if he is unable to maintain a steady home environment. Does the father maintain steady employment?