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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-04-2017, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I agree with Peaceful that flexible means sometimes there's give and sometimes there's take. On both sides. As long as you aren't always shooting down his requests and agree once in a while to extend times, delay pickups, etc you are not being inflexible. I have this clause in my agreement too and the ex is also claiming the same stuff about me which my lawyer doesn't seem to be worried about.
Do you have a lawyer yet?
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Yes, lawyer hired and answer being submitted. I agree, flexible is give and take. The problem is he is not flexible. I offer him time as flexible, I ask for Monday morning while he is at work and he refuses, saying daycare is more important and drops the kids off at daycare. I then go over to the daycare, pick them up 5 minutes afterwards and spend the day with them until I go into work Monday evenings.

I offer him time (like his birthday) two years running that he declines to see the kids on that day. I do offer some PD Days and March Break time to be flexible.
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Old 04-04-2017, 07:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Usually if there is a PD Day it is extended to the parents who weekend it is. Why shouldn't he get some PD Days? I'm assuming you alternate weekends and in the grand scheme of things there are not THAT many PD Days that is going to create a big shift in parenting time.

I don't necessarily agree with the 1/1/1/1/2 schedule, it is a lot of exchanges, maybe a 2/2/3 would be better... less exchanges for the children. It seems there have been a few changes (kids starting school, no longer breastfeeding), while the changes may not be extreme, I don't see why you both couldn't work this out.

He certainly can't take time from you and even requesting PD Days isn't taking time from you as the child is usually in school Fridays. I agree being flexible doesn't mean you have to say yes all the time but I also think you need to consider his request do PD Days because it is not out of the ordinary.

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Yes I agree with you. I have offered since all the PD Days are on his weekends I offered to share them. He declined my offer to share them demanding 100%.

My work schedule prevents me from doing a 2/2//3/3 schedule. I work set evenings 2 days a week until after 8pm. This is why we couldn't work this out. He wants to do his schedule and have the kids with a babysitter the one evening a week I work and me to pay 100% for it. Or he will just take them the evening I work so he has 3 days a week and EOW, or 64% threshold aka full support from me.
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Old 04-05-2017, 05:21 PM
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Originally Posted by SuzieSunshine View Post
Yes I agree with you. I have offered since all the PD Days are on his weekends I offered to share them. He declined my offer to share them demanding 100%.

My work schedule prevents me from doing a 2/2//3/3 schedule. I work set evenings 2 days a week until after 8pm. This is why we couldn't work this out. He wants to do his schedule and have the kids with a babysitter the one evening a week I work and me to pay 100% for it. Or he will just take them the evening I work so he has 3 days a week and EOW, or 64% threshold aka full support from me.
The courts could care less about your work schedule. Why should these young children be in daycare or with someone other than parents these days of the week until passed their bedtime when they could be with their father?

What's the issue with allowing the father to look after the kids while you work late into the evenings, and paying the dad full child support ?
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Old 04-05-2017, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by SuzieSunshine View Post
My work schedule prevents me from doing a 2/2//3/3 schedule. I work set evenings 2 days a week until after 8pm. This is why we couldn't work this out.
Your schedule sounds perfect for a 5-5-2-2

Is there a reason you don't want to go that route?
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Old 04-05-2017, 06:58 PM
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What's the issue with allowing the father to look after the kids while you work late into the evenings, and paying the dad full child support ?
If I was receiving table CS and the other parent proposed a schedule where I would pay table CS, you can bet I would fight that change tooth and nail.

Nothing wrong with that.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:48 PM
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The courts could care less about your work schedule. Why should these young children be in daycare or with someone other than parents these days of the week until passed their bedtime when they could be with their father?

What's the issue with allowing the father to look after the kids while you work late into the evenings, and paying the dad full child support ?
I disagree. Courts care vastly on peoples work schedules. Courts create week on/off schedules for nurses or firefighters that work shifts so that the kids spend as much time as possible with both parents. Courts realize that people don't set their working hours and can't tell employers the can't work the required hours because a court order could care less.

I agree, the kids shouldn't be in daycare when the other parent is available. But why change the schedule? We signed an agreement not even two years ago with a 1/1/1/3. There is no material change in circumstance to warrant changing to a 2/2/5/5.

The issue is what's best for the kids. They have a set routine, they are happy and healthy and the schedule has been created by a mediator from the children's office who specializes in just that.

Again, I would have no problem changing if I didn't have to work evenings. I do however disagree that decreasing time with one parent to increase time with the other parent is not in the best interest of the kids. This is why I agreed to an equal evening and weekend schedule when we signed the agreement. I agreed this was best for the kids to have two parents spending as much contact with the kids.

What I don't agree with is decreasing or changing my time just because he wants more time for himself. If a court would really order this, tons of parents would take their cases to court just to change time with no reason to go from Wed+EOW to 50/50 to 60/40, to 100%.

The issue with agreeing to his schedule change so he is 61/39% is that it is not in the best interest of the children that we change their schedule because there is no reason to do just that. Decreasing time with one parent would not benefit the children when we already share the evenings equally.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:51 PM
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Your schedule sounds perfect for a 5-5-2-2

Is there a reason you don't want to go that route?
I work a set schedule during the week in the evenings. I have asked my employer to change but it was denied/declined. Thus, I am stuck working every Mon and Wed evening. This is the reason I don't want to change the schedule.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:58 PM
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Originally Posted by SuzieSunshine View Post
I disagree. Courts care vastly on peoples work schedules. Courts create week on/off schedules for nurses or firefighters that work shifts so that the kids spend as much time as possible with both parents. Courts realize that people don't set their working hours and can't tell employers the can't work the required hours because a court order could care less.

I agree, the kids shouldn't be in daycare when the other parent is available. But why change the schedule? We signed an agreement not even two years ago with a 1/1/1/3. There is no material change in circumstance to warrant changing to a 2/2/5/5.

The issue is what's best for the kids. They have a set routine, they are happy and healthy and the schedule has been created by a mediator from the children's office who specializes in just that.

Again, I would have no problem changing if I didn't have to work evenings. I do however disagree that decreasing time with one parent to increase time with the other parent is not in the best interest of the kids. This is why I agreed to an equal evening and weekend schedule when we signed the agreement. I agreed this was best for the kids to have two parents spending as much contact with the kids.

What I don't agree with is decreasing or changing my time just because he wants more time for himself. If a court would really order this, tons of parents would take their cases to court just to change time with no reason to go from Wed+EOW to 50/50 to 60/40, to 100%.

The issue with agreeing to his schedule change so he is 61/39% is that it is not in the best interest of the children that we change their schedule because there is no reason to do just that. Decreasing time with one parent would not benefit the children when we already share the evenings equally.
So he was not even 50/50 before and now he is asking to go to 61/39 with you needing to forfeit some of your days to achieve this? And there has not been a change in anyone's life to warrant this? And the kids are happy, healthy, thriving?.....I would say he has a majorly uphill battle.
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Old 04-06-2017, 04:16 PM
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Originally Posted by SuzieSunshine View Post
I disagree. Courts care vastly on peoples work schedules. Courts create week on/off schedules for nurses or firefighters that work shifts so that the kids spend as much time as possible with both parents. Courts realize that people don't set their working hours and can't tell employers the can't work the required hours because a court order could care less.

I agree, the kids shouldn't be in daycare when the other parent is available. But why change the schedule? We signed an agreement not even two years ago with a 1/1/1/3. There is no material change in circumstance to warrant changing to a 2/2/5/5.

The issue is what's best for the kids. They have a set routine, they are happy and healthy and the schedule has been created by a mediator from the children's office who specializes in just that.

Again, I would have no problem changing if I didn't have to work evenings. I do however disagree that decreasing time with one parent to increase time with the other parent is not in the best interest of the kids. This is why I agreed to an equal evening and weekend schedule when we signed the agreement. I agreed this was best for the kids to have two parents spending as much contact with the kids.

What I don't agree with is decreasing or changing my time just because he wants more time for himself. If a court would really order this, tons of parents would take their cases to court just to change time with no reason to go from Wed+EOW to 50/50 to 60/40, to 100%.

The issue with agreeing to his schedule change so he is 61/39% is that it is not in the best interest of the children that we change their schedule because there is no reason to do just that. Decreasing time with one parent would not benefit the children when we already share the evenings equally.


If you have a 1/1/1/1/3 schedule he already has shared parenting... I don't understand how going to 2/2/3 is now giving him 61% of the time? The only reason you seem to have is your work schedule which I can understand. If you have to put them in a sitter for work purposes he has to share in that cost. I think he would be hard pressed to get the change in schedule but I still think he would get PD Days. My husband has EOW and some PD Days fall on his weekend and some on hers. It's just how it goes. You want Fridays because you are off but he also wants Fridays because he has the option to be off or work from home.


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Old 04-07-2017, 01:50 PM
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If you have a 1/1/1/1/3 schedule he already has shared parenting... I don't understand how going to 2/2/3 is now giving him 61% of the time? The only reason you seem to have is your work schedule which I can understand. If you have to put them in a sitter for work purposes he has to share in that cost. I think he would be hard pressed to get the change in schedule but I still think he would get PD Days. My husband has EOW and some PD Days fall on his weekend and some on hers. It's just how it goes. You want Fridays because you are off but he also wants Fridays because he has the option to be off or work from home.

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Going to a 2/2/3 will give him 50% of the time, or the same amount of time he currently has with the 1/1/1/1/3. Changing to a 2/2/3 will give him 61% time when he calls the school and prevents the babysitter from pickup every Wed and does it himself and keeps the kids when I am at work thus giving him a 3/1/3 schedule every week, or 61%. Once that happens and a status quo is a achieved, he would file for support to change accordingly.

I offered half the PD Days on his weekends and he declined, not compromising demanding all. I don't have the option to be off work Mon/Tue/Wed. He does. He works M-F 9-5 flexible hours and can come/go as he pleases and work from home if he desires. So if the kids are with me Friday, why not book a Mon, Tue or Wed off work while they are in daycare and spend those days with the kids?
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