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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 05-08-2014, 09:57 PM
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Default What to do now? HC at its finest...

Situation: SA states that three weekends should be shared equally (mothers day, fathers day and Victoria day weekends) but does not define how they are to be shared. As luck would have it mom is HC and refuses to come to an agreement on how to share them equally. This has been going on for several years. It basically works like this: if its her weekend, its hers... but if its dad's its also hers. She has enjoyed the previous three Victoria day weekends and Mother's and Father's day weekends are shit shows as we never know if we are coming or going or if we will see the kids and when on Father's day weekend or Father's day itself.

So dad sends and email and says this has to stop and would she agree to all of mother's day weekend going to her every year, all of father's day weekend going to him every year and alternating Victoria day weekend's with dad in 2014 since she has enjoyed past three. He advises that he would like to settle this matter once and for all without courts/lawyers if possible and advises he need to know by xx date which was several days out. No response from mom.

So he files a motion and provides that he is looking for an order for the above three weekends as he cannot get mom to agree on how they shall be shared equally.

A few days later dad sends an offer to settle. Simple and to the point, with the same order information that he is asking from the court - M weekend to mom every year, D weekend to dad every year, altnerating V days with dad to commence in 2014. It expired 48 hours after it was sent. It was not accepted.

She did write an email back that said she should have them again this year for V day weekend because its in the children's best interests and because dad didn't exercise his access on another separate occasion (the only time in 5 years he didn't for a birthday dinner) that basically he forfeited his right to V day weekend. She states she can agree to dad having future V day weekends but only *if* the children agree to this. (6 and 12). Reminder: the SA states it is to be shared equally and now she is proposing that she have 4/4 V days and maybe dad can have the next one if the kids agree...

Dad replies to email stating that he will continue with his motion next week as that is the mechanism to use when one party won't adhere to the terms and/or spirit of the SA.

Mom writes an email back today. She still has a lawyer on record but he is not communicative on anything and everything for several months. We continue to serve them both... her email states she will agree to the above and then lists a thousand irrelevant things about her thoughts on dad and his parenting.

Dad immediately sends another offer to settle and puts an expiry of 8 pm tonight. The offer is exactly what she is professing to agree to in her email. But the expiry date/time lapses and of course, we have no signed offer to make an order out of it.

So here we are. Dad will obviously have to go to court next week. We have not received any of her response material as of yet. Obviously he is going to have to try to get these emails in front of the judge to show how HC she is - she agrees but refuses to sign. Rather, she'd rather drag this on and go to court and cost the applicant father more time, effort, etc. Our travel plans for V day weekend are also still on hold as we don't know for certain if we will have kids or not.

I suspect she might sign the offer and send tomorrow but of course, it is not valid as it expired at 8 pm tonight.

Thoughts? How do we frame this nonsense behaviour in court next week? I'm certain judges see this all the time. It is silly. It is immature. It is a complete waste of time - shared equally is equally not 4 out of 4 to the mom and none for the dad.

I'd really appreciate some logic here. Head is full up and growing tired of this. We want to avoid conflict but aren't willing to give up our access just because her knickers are in a knot...

What to do now? I guess just go through the motion to deal with these three weekends? She has already states she is picking the children up tomorrow for mother's day weekend. We aren't going to contest that although we didn't agree to it, we were simply told this is the way it will be... and of course no legal remedy for the other two weekends. Just her email which has never held up any other time over the years before, hence the reason a motion was filed.

Sorry for the long rant.
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Old 05-08-2014, 10:14 PM
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Print out what she agreed to on the appropriate form (motion to change on consent? I have no idea unfortunately). When she arrives, show her the form, tell her it's to amend the previous order to better define the weekends, as she agreed in the recent email chain. Have her sign the form when she arrives to pick up the kids (though don't make her feel any pressure that the one won't happen without the other). Be gushy about how awesome it is that they could settle this like reasonable adults instead of needing court and a judge. If she doesn't want to, let her take it with her, and tell her you'll expect it back at the next exchange.

Video the whole thing.

If any problems arise, you do still have the emailed response to the offer with her agreement.
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Old 05-08-2014, 11:02 PM
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Rioe, she won't sign it. She likes to keep us doing paperwork and running around like a chicken. I seriously hope a judge slaps her with costs. Dad has taken two days off work thus far to deal with this.
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Old 05-08-2014, 11:36 PM
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you know I really do feel for you in the situation you are in.

I am putting myself in the ex's position and it is pretty obvious she is just trying to get you wound up and expending lots of emotional energy on this situation.

You and your husband elevated everything from emails to litigation. She is just playing the game.

I'd get to court and get this matter resolved. In detail.
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Old 05-08-2014, 11:41 PM
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Well it appears to be that way - that we will indeed go to court.

I recall vaguely Orleanslawyer posted about costs should the parties settle. We aren't sending any more offers with parties bearing own costs. We aren't running around any more on this.

And our travel plans will likely not happen. Court is on the 16th. We were to depart that morning. So much for kids best interests and having fun with their dad huh?
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Old 05-08-2014, 11:48 PM
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Costs are minuscule in family court. There is much talk about it but my lawyer today kind of reigned me in about that (another post). I just finished 4 yrs of useless litigation and judge awarded me a grand total of 3,500.00 for costs. Yep I'm totally serious. I'm pretty pissed off about this, as we were successful in all of our applications. So I can appeal this or live with it. I am tired of everything and I will live with it I'm sure. So anyway, back to your situation, cost are not "for sure" LOL.
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Old 05-08-2014, 11:53 PM
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We'd be fine without the costs to be honest. We just want some normalcy with our lives. We really aren't asking for much. I can't understand why someone - mom - would choose to focus all this negative energy on this stuff.

Moreover - she propels her position with this type of behaviour. She becomes a victim of her own behaviours. One day (maybe) she might change. We will not be trusting because of all the previous years of being a nasty wench.
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Old 05-08-2014, 11:57 PM
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I wish you well Serene. I sincerely hope that courts will set you free!
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Old 05-09-2014, 12:46 AM
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Serene, this is so unfair to the children. This woman sounds so unstable, witch-like and hopefully will receive what she deserves.
Take the high road, I would make tentative plans for the weekend and hopefully things will work out for you. I would try my best not to react to her, as it seems she is trying to create drama. She should be nailed in court. I would present all emails and offers to show how ill intended she is.
I wish you luck and just make sure you have all back up documentation.
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Old 05-09-2014, 07:32 AM
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Document everything that you can. I do hope things will improve for you in the future - truly sad that the kids have to go through all this drama.

Hopefully karma will catch up with this (?individual?).I've wasted over 20 years on a HC person and the best cure is to ignore them - they shrivel up on their own venom.
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