Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-22-2006, 08:16 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 860
Grace has a spectacular aura aboutGrace has a spectacular aura about
Default

Try to find a lawyer through a referral by family or friends, not the yellow pages. That's another mistake people often make. You are at a venerable and low point in your life going through a divorce and not taking time to research and find a good lawyer from the start, will cost you in the end. Not only in legal fees, but changing lawyers is frowned upon in court.

Next time you feel you are enraged or starting to loose control. Put on a pair of running shoes and go for a jog around the block, to let off some steam.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 03-22-2006, 10:02 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 11
stephen givens is on a distinguished road
Default been there

Kiss her ass and try and work this out.If you dont the lawyers will suck every bit of dignity you have left.Unless you can prove she is crazy.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 03-22-2006, 10:24 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 141
gooddadgoingmad is on a distinguished road
Default

I can't figure out how to use the quote button!! To decent dad:
You wrote:
I did this for about a month. It took me two years to defend why I abondoned our child. Now, it didn't succeed, but it costs me huge - both in money and effort to fight against the allegations. Unreal.[/QUOTE]

I'm just wondering what you were defending yourself against? You mention having to defend yourself for " abandoning" your child. How did this happen. I mean, when a couple separates, one person obviously has to leave...right? How could that be construed as abandonment?

Sounds like you've had a terrible battle on your hands. It's shameful that a father who WANTS to be in his children's life is not being allowed that basic human right. Even more shameful is that the courts DO NOT look out for the best interests of children. ALL fathers/ mothers ( except for abuse cases) should have completely unquestioned 50% access to their children. My hard lesson with the canadian family law system is probably the biggest eye opener as to the incompetance of the people who govern us. I can hardly believe that this is 2006 and this kind of thing is still happening.

GDGM
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 03-26-2006, 08:24 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 5
Messedup is on a distinguished road
Default

Well I scraped up the money for the intial consultation with a lawyer. I'm going to see him this week. Wish me luck.

Messedup
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 03-26-2006, 09:49 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 7
Juliebean is on a distinguished road
Send a message via MSN to Juliebean
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Messedup
Why shouldnt I leave the house? Its almost to the point that I'm ready to snap. I had to leave the other becuase I was 1/2 second from tossing something through the window. It just frustrates me that I cant do anything to stop it now all right now.

Messedup
I think your boys really need you to stay in the house. It would probably worry you to death thinking about her alone with them particularly if she was upset at you leaving. She sounds as though she takes her frustrations out on whomever is closest at hand.

The CAS suggestion made is a good one in my opinion. I know many people have had difficulties with them, but I've had them at my home and found them to be a wonderful resource and monitoring agency. They will interview your boys and hopefully they will tell CAS what has been going on and her behaviour is then documented and undisputable.

I hope your boys are okay. Good luck!
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 03-26-2006, 11:45 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 860
Grace has a spectacular aura aboutGrace has a spectacular aura about
Default

Good advice Juliebean, I too have had a positive experience with CAS. Their reports hold a lot of weight in Family Court. I found them to be both caring and objective. If I recall correctly my file was open for approx. 3 months. Still 4 years later, I hear from the social worker about once a year, just to see how we are doing. Also, if you feel the social worker is not treating you fairly they have a process where you can file a complaint with the supervisor and have another case worker assigned to your file.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 03-27-2006, 07:00 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1
ginakim1965 is on a distinguished road
Default

WOW!! I cant beleive how much we have in common... EXCEPT I AM FEMALE going through the sam e MESS... I left my ABUSIVE relationship of 17 years 1 year and 2 months ago...I have 2 girls 13 and 11... When I finally had enough of the YELLING , PUNCHING, ect... Was January 14, 2005. I had the RCMP remove my husband from our RENTED home...Got an apartment (with my girls)left everything with him (MONITARY) that ended up being the "GHETTO". Stayed there for one month (of course I jumped right back into another relationship , but even more abusive, yes it is a circle.)then I found a very nice place to live and my girls did not want to live there, nor did they live my "BOYFRIEND"...They left me ( my ex NEVER looked after ANYTHING including our kids for 12 years) as they thought DADDY would be the better parent ... Of course I went into a MAJOR depression, along with my ex speading rumours about me (small town here)... BLAH BLAH BLAH...I am still hurt as he is only using the kids to get back at me...HE knows and always has known , that they are the MOST important thing in my LIFE... I am trying to stay strong, but I CERTAINLY can empathise...Hope things get better for you and you only live once , IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY, your kids wont be and they will not be functional adults...Take care
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 03-27-2006, 03:23 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by gooddadgoingmad
"I did this for about a month. It took me two years to defend why I abondoned our child. Now, it didn't succeed, but it costs me huge - both in money and effort to fight against the allegations. Unreal."
I'm just wondering what you were defending yourself against? You mention having to defend yourself for " abandoning" your child. How did this happen. I mean, when a couple separates, one person obviously has to leave...right? How could that be construed as abandonment?
Sounds like you've had a terrible battle on your hands. It's shameful that a father who WANTS to be in his children's life is not being allowed that basic human right. Even more shameful is that the courts DO NOT look out for the best interests of children. ALL fathers/ mothers ( except for abuse cases) should have completely unquestioned 50% access to their children. My hard lesson with the canadian family law system is probably the biggest eye opener as to the incompetance of the people who govern us. I can hardly believe that this is 2006 and this kind of thing is still happening.
GDGM
Family Law is all about "smoke and mirrors". You build your case on a dog and pny show, not fact. Unlike criminal law, these facts are circumstantial, unsubstantiated, with varying levels of mudslinging, lies, allegations. I have always said, Family Law is the only court in the world where the defendent must prove their innocence, not the plaintiff proving guilt.

My ex had basically nothing to use against me. So she and her lawyer took anything, even as small as a diaper change, and turned it into a huge issue. So that one issue came up over and over again; in several affidavits, each case conference, motion, settlement conference. Each time you have to respond to this horrible allegation that you abondoned your child. Sure, it eventually played itself out, but it still took time, money and years to fight. And it draws everyone's attention away from other issues, um, like Father's Day! So once that allegation is finished, they just moved onto a new one.

That is why some sort of reform must take place: default custody and access. And three strikes your out with false allegations including, but not limited to false allegations of: abuse, abondenment, criminal activity, kidnappings, etc. I have been accused of all of this - but nothing every happened to my ex - not even a scolding by the judge. The system only empowered her more.
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2006, 01:40 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 3
Toddler Mommy is on a distinguished road
Default Why can't he leave and take the children

with him? It sounds like he is in the same situation I am in. I want to take my son and run. Staying in an environment like that is so hard, physically, emotionally and professionally. It's amazing you get anything done. I feel so much for you. It is so hard. I feel helpless too. I hope the lawyer will help you, if that is what you need.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:36 PM.