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-   -   Vacation during Parenting Time (http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/vacation-during-parenting-time-13408/)

breakingfree 10-19-2012 01:04 PM

Vacation during Parenting Time
 
I am in a quandry with my children and ex.

We have a 50/50 parenting time agreement. He has sent me a note to tell me that he is taking a personal vacation out of the country and he will not be taking the children for his parenting time while he is gone and they are my problem while he is gone. I have been able to make arrangements to make sure that the children are cared for during his parenting time however for 2 days of his scheduled time I am not able to ensure their care with me due to work commitments that I made knowing that I would not be their caregiver during that time as they were to be with thier dad. I have tried to change this but that cannot be changed without serious detriment to my job.

Is he expected to either be here for them if I cannot be/ make arrangements for their care while he is out of the country or am I expected to take on his parenting time just because he says he isnt going to be here?

blinkandimgone 10-19-2012 01:47 PM

Yes, he is expected to make arrangements for them. Hw SHOULD be offering you right of first refusal, however demanding you take them or declaring them 'your problem' isn't ok.

His vacation, his time, his responsibility to make arrangements. You are also not obligated to rearrange the schedule for makeup time.

SingleDad12 10-19-2012 01:47 PM

Others may have a different opinion on the matter, but this is what I'd do. I've been placed in similar situations with my ex wife...

My motto is "someone has to be the parent" when it seems like the other is a parent when convenient only. Anyhow, what I do is document what happened...there is no point in confronting him about this, or doing anything legally as it will cost you more than a few days of lost wages. I don't know how old your child(ren) is, but one thing I have done is to ask my daughter's friends parents for a hand from time to time. They always are happy to help.

Although it sucks that it could cause serious detriment to your job, if there is no one who can help out, you may have to suck that up. Try explaining to your employer or customer why it is you need to reschedule and hope for the best. If your ex isn't willing to step up and be the parent, then rise above it and do just that. Be the parent.

SingleDad12 10-19-2012 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blinkandimgone (Post 112033)
Yes, he is expected to make arrangements for them. Hw SHOULD be offering you right of first refusal, however demanding you take them or declaring them 'your problem' isn't ok.

His vacation, his time, his responsibility to make arrangements. You are also not obligated to rearrange the schedule for makeup time.

I agree with all you are saying...and it is his responsibility. Thing is, if he leaves the country, she's left holding onto a child who doesn't have a safe place to be. Depending on how far she wants to take it is up to her...she'll have to decide if it's worth the hassle financially and emotionally.

Bottom line is it's a shame some adults cant act like adults and put the child's best interest first.

DunnMom 10-19-2012 01:56 PM

Agree 100% with SingleDad12

dad2bandm 10-19-2012 02:02 PM

It's nice, that you have come up with care for the children, while he goes on vacation, but I would simply stress to him, to figure this out. It's his vacation, without his kids, during his scheduled time with kids. It's his responsibility, to figure out care for the kids, if you really can't be available. Maybe let him know the days you are unable to provide/come up with care, and ask him to look into those days.

I've got similar demands from my ex. No-notice emails getting dropped on me, saying something to the effect of "I have plans, and I'm going away for a few days - you need to figure out babysitting while I'm gone".

Yeah right. Also from an ex, who doesn't work, or have any employment at all. I work full-time. I usually respond, saying "I'm able to care for child, during these times/evenings, if you are not able to, but you need to figure out daytime care for <childname>, if you are making yourself unavailable. Let me know what arrangements you come up with".

HammerDad 10-19-2012 02:53 PM

His parenting time, his obligation.

While he should offer you the right to care for the children during his absense, if you are not able to do so, it is up to him to find alternative care at his expense.

It is simple as that.

FB_ 10-19-2012 03:01 PM

What about in my case where i have booked a vacation for myself and the children. stbx refuses to sign permission to travel and will not allow them to travel and then tells me I can't go because I need to care for the children on my days.

No custody agreement currently in place. (Both parents reside in Mat. home)

Current parenting plan is every other weekend and alternating week days.

HammerDad 10-19-2012 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FB_ (Post 112052)
What about in my case where i have booked a vacation for myself and the children. stbx refuses to sign permission to travel and will not allow them to travel and then tells me I can't go because I need to care for the children on my days.

No custody agreement currently in place. (Both parents reside in Mat. home)

Current parenting plan is every other weekend and alternating week days.

File a motion either compelling her to sign or that the court order the travel be permitted and the need for her consent be dispelled.

FB_ 10-19-2012 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HammerDad (Post 112054)
File a motion either compelling her to sign or that the court order the travel be permitted and the need for her consent be dispelled.

We have a case conference Nov 20th. Trip is Nov 29th. My lawyer is hoping to have this issue resolved then. But lets say the judge does not permit them to travel.


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