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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2017, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Tayken View Post




Just a word of caution... This is something lawyers will tell their clients about. The key point is that you, as a parent, need to encourage your children to contact the other parent and make sure they go for access visits etc...



Don't respond to this nonsense because they are just collecting evidence. It is clear as glass they are trying to set you up for this common argument.


Unfortunately he (they) already suckered me into this once. I responded last week briefly to say I wasn't going to be involved in the pressure tactics he is putting on his kids and that they were feeling like their dad would be mad if they forgot. All true. But I also told him he is free to text them or call them any night. He doesn't much though. It's weird - he wants ME to be the initiator. I guess to control me? Or the situation.


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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2017, 03:32 PM
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Then thats all the response you need to give. How exactly is he going to prove you arent encouraging it? Does he have bugs in your house?
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Old 02-21-2017, 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Then thats all the response you need to give. How exactly is he going to prove you arent encouraging it? Does he have bugs in your house?


Exactly.
Their devices would also show that communication is happening. I'll try not to worry about it. Thanks for weighing in!


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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2017, 03:41 PM
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Hes just trying to build a case against you for his upcoming filing. Like many people said, you can either ignore it or simply respond that you continue to encourage them and hes welcome to reach out to them himself.
I 2nd that.

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Old 02-22-2017, 08:21 AM
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Something to consider...

Scrivo v. Scrivo, 2013 ONSC 2364 (CanLII)
Date: 2013-04-24
Docket: 30336/08
Citation: Scrivo v. Scrivo, 2013 ONSC 2364 (CanLII)
http://canlii.ca/t/fx8hz

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[23] Ms. Scrivo’s response is only that that although she asked him to go he said he did not want to go.

[24] It is not uncommon for children to express their wish that they do not want to go on access. It is the court order however that directs the custodial parent to ensure that the access occurs and to require the child to attend despite their expressed wishes.

[25] Justice Greer noted this point in Sickinger v. Sickinger 2009 CanLII 28203 (ON SC), 2009 CanLII 28203, [2009] O.J.No. 2306 at para. 30 saying, “The parent does not have to force a child to go with the other parent but should “require” the child to do. A failure to require the child to do that is considered contempt.” See: V.(S.) v I. (T.), 2009 Carswell Ont 1023 (S.C.J.).

[26] As counsel for Mr. Scrivo points out, Ms. Scrivo did not provide evidence that she required Brendan to attend. There is no evidence that she was giving any sanctions to Brendan for his failure to attend.

[27] The order of November 27, 2012 was simple and straightforward. Mr. Scrivo and his counsel gave some flexibility on the time as it was not specified. Nonetheless, Ms. Scrivo did not honour the order.
If the access calls are ordered then you better set down some requirements for the children to respond and take the calls. If it is not court ordered you are ok. These requirements would be... If you don't call your father you lose your X-Box etc...

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 02-22-2017, 02:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Something to consider...



Scrivo v. Scrivo, 2013 ONSC 2364 (CanLII)

Date:2013-04-24

Docket:30336/08

Citation:Scrivo v. Scrivo, 2013 ONSC 2364 (CanLII)

http://canlii.ca/t/fx8hz







If the access calls are ordered then you better set down some requirements for the children to respond and take the calls. If it is not court ordered you are ok. These requirements would be... If you don't call your father you lose your X-Box etc...



Good Luck!

Tayken


Nothing is ordered at all. I could see this becoming something he asks the court for though.


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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 02-23-2017, 10:17 AM
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Nothing is ordered at all. I could see this becoming something he asks the court for though.
It will be. Probably for no other reason than to try and entrap the other parent so they can say they are not doing something.
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Old 02-24-2017, 10:22 AM
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I'm sure you're encouraging the kids to contact their father. You now how important that is. With an equal, 50/50 relationship this is yet another issue that would be non existent.

Also, engage in some perspective taking. If you were the one with 35% access and your ex the remainder, would you not like to speak with them via phone, skype, etc?

What if your ex said something like "It stresses the kids out to have to try to remember"...or "It takes away from my quality time when they call you". Would you agree with that?

It should be part of a routine (schedule) ... and become automatic like washing hands and making beds. I'm not sure why it's so stressful for them to "remember". That's strange indeed.

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I honestly don't always remember to have them text their dad.
This is not encouraging contact with their father. I know it's not in the order (somehow...this is almost ALWAYS in orders so not sure I buy that) .. but you should at least be able to remind them.

I know it's not a big deal to you...but it is to others. As I stated before, if the shoes were on the other feet you'd want him to at least remind the kids to call you...wouldn't you?

In the end you are refusing him an equal relationship to his children .. and now he's noticing that you're forgetting to remind them to have regular contact with him and calling you on it.

My advice ... encourage regular contact .. stop "forgetting". A 5 minute call won't "take away" from your quality time with the kids...that's just ridiculous. It's good for the kids...good for dad...and good for you in court.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 02-24-2017, 11:00 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I'm sure you're encouraging the kids to contact their father. You now how important that is. With an equal, 50/50 relationship this is yet another issue that would be non existent.

Also, engage in some perspective taking. If you were the one with 35% access and your ex the remainder, would you not like to speak with them via phone, skype, etc?

What if your ex said something like "It stresses the kids out to have to try to remember"...or "It takes away from my quality time when they call you". Would you agree with that?

It should be part of a routine (schedule) ... and become automatic like washing hands and making beds. I'm not sure why it's so stressful for them to "remember". That's strange indeed.

This is not encouraging contact with their father. I know it's not in the order (somehow...this is almost ALWAYS in orders so not sure I buy that) .. but you should at least be able to remind them.

I know it's not a big deal to you...but it is to others. As I stated before, if the shoes were on the other feet you'd want him to at least remind the kids to call you...wouldn't you?

In the end you are refusing him an equal relationship to his children .. and now he's noticing that you're forgetting to remind them to have regular contact with him and calling you on it.

My advice ... encourage regular contact .. stop "forgetting". A 5 minute call won't "take away" from your quality time with the kids...that's just ridiculous. It's good for the kids...good for dad...and good for you in court.


As many people point out, this is pretty hard to "prove" - if you saw their devices it is pretty clear that they do communicate. Some days better than others. One of my children doesn't enjoy texting other than "good night, good morning" and the other does a much better job. They FaceTimed twice at nights since Monday in fact and texted every day. I'd say that's pretty adequate.
To answer your question, this DOES happen to me when they're at his house. I don't get a huge amount of texts or calls either. I see them because I regularly attend sports events even if it's his weekend (him - not always being a shift worker). I would say it is very equal with regards to the amount they text or call from either house and I could easily stand by that in court. I see that it makes them worried if they don't text enough from my house because daddy always mentions and pressures them. I make a point of saying it's no big deal and text/call me if you're free when at daddy's house. I make a point of being the opposite so they can recognize that mommy isn't mad at them. I do not like that he makes them feel bad. Many times they also tell me that daddy said there was no more time to text mommy.
LF, you can "not buy" it all you want but it is absolutely not ordered in my agreement. There is not even a reference at all.
Thanks for weighing in but rest assured my children are communicating with their dad.




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