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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2017, 07:34 AM
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Be in daily contact with a parent isn't a bad thing... and a relatively healthy habit for a child-parent relationship. It wouldn't be unusual for a child to text/call/FaceTime a parent that wasn't home at bedtime in an intact family, and the other parent would facilitate that without issue. I would negotiate a time that makes sense in the evening for them to be able to communicate with their father. If you only allow devices before 6pm then it doesn't give dad the opportunity. If you give them a 15-30 minute window for devices at a reasonable time then that would make sense


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Old 02-21-2017, 08:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by len14 View Post
Be in daily contact with a parent isn't a bad thing... and a relatively healthy habit for a child-parent relationship. It wouldn't be unusual for a child to text/call/FaceTime a parent that wasn't home at bedtime in an intact family, and the other parent would facilitate that without issue. I would negotiate a time that makes sense in the evening for them to be able to communicate with their father. If you only allow devices before 6pm then it doesn't give dad the opportunity. If you give them a 15-30 minute window for devices at a reasonable time then that would make sense


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I agree it's not a bad thing; however, I never pressure the kids about texting and calling me on his time. I feel like he would want to enjoy his time with the kids without me barging in. They do have devices available in reasonable hours. They are encouraged to text. I'm just not sitting there ensuring it every single night. I guess I'm here asking because he is making me feel like I'm doing something wrong.



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Old 02-21-2017, 09:50 AM
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I agree it's not a bad thing; however, I never pressure the kids about texting and calling me on his time. I feel like he would want to enjoy his time with the kids without me barging in. They do have devices available in reasonable hours. They are encouraged to text. I'm just not sitting there ensuring it every single night. I guess I'm here asking because he is making me feel like I'm doing something wrong.



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Please consider that I take a very child-centric approach to everything.
Couples typically divorce because of fundamental differences in intimacy, finances and parenting. It's not unusual that what you consider important to child rearing differs to what their father considers as important. To be respectful of the children - because ultimately not their fault you chose who you chose to be their father, I ask myself two key questions when their dad or even my husband has a certain expectation or parenting standard- 'Will there be any long-term negative effects on the children?' And 'Will this help shape them into more thoughtful human beings?' In your case, if I had the same issue in my household I would answer 'no long term negative effects' and 'yes, connecting with your parent daily will contribute to making them better'. So I would simply facilitate a reminder just as I do to wash their hands before mealtime - the expectation is they follow the house rules and if they don't they would have same consequences for not texting their father as they would for not brushing their teeth. Is it annoying to me... yes. Do I need them to text me daily for my own parent-child relationship... not really. We all have different methods and reasons why, I don't think that this is something I would fall on a sword for.


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Old 02-21-2017, 10:40 AM
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You're not doing anything wrong. My partner felt the same way about his kids. His order lays out his access to the kids when he's not with them. The problem was the kids had lives and didn't want to interrupt them. He couldn't force them and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't prove his ex wasn't encouraging them. He finally realized he had to let it go. Now he wasn't badgering his ex and she obviously didn't feel guilty about anything.

You can set a time for them to speak to their father and leave it at that. Also let him know he can contact them at specific times that isn't interrupting dinner, homework or social activities. Then leave it at that. As long as you aren't taking their phones away and taking your phone off the hook you aren't preventing anything.
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Old 02-21-2017, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
...he feels they don't communicate enough and goes as far as to suggest that I am not "facilitating" this.


Just a word of caution... This is something lawyers will tell their clients about. The key point is that you, as a parent, need to encourage your children to contact the other parent and make sure they go for access visits etc...

Don't respond to this nonsense because they are just collecting evidence. It is clear as glass they are trying to set you up for this common argument.
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Old 02-21-2017, 12:40 PM
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The key point is that you, as a parent, need to encourage your children to contact the other parent and make sure they go for access visits etc...

Don't respond to this nonsense because they are just collecting evidence. It is clear as glass they are trying to set you up for this common argument.
how do they prove mom is intentionally not allowing the children to contact dad?

if they had to text dad every other day or something, or at least once per week, that might be more reasonable, but every single god damn day? that's a control thing if you ask me. can't mom have time with her children without interference from the other parent ?

on the other hand, my children never call me when with mom unless I ask for it, even then it is either on speaker phone, child is put in a situation to quickly get off phone with me, or the call takes place when mom wants it to or it never happens. it's too ridiculous.

does the order specifically state that the children shall text dad at least once a day ? would that be an order against the children or you? Does it specifically state that you shall have the children text dad everyday ?

Last edited by trinton; 02-21-2017 at 12:45 PM.
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Old 02-21-2017, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I agree it's not a bad thing; however, I never pressure the kids about texting and calling me on his time. I feel like he would want to enjoy his time with the kids without me barging in. They do have devices available in reasonable hours. They are encouraged to text. I'm just not sitting there ensuring it every single night. I guess I'm here asking because he is making me feel like I'm doing something wrong.



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I agree with this. If you have an equal and fair access schedule, its reasonable that unless there's something important to communicate, there's no need to over-communicate with the kids on the other parent's time.

If you had small children, you may need to coordinate this more but these kids are 9 and 10 with access to communication devices to contact their father. As I said, you shouldn't hamper their ability to communicate but its not your job to bug them about it either. And its going to be ultimately ineffective anyway. The last thing I would do is nag kids to talk to their dad....not my role.

Like I said, I'd telling him to stop emailing me about dumb crap and to talk to the kids himself about the issue on his parenting time with them to get it resolved. You aren't his communication director and you're not doing anything wrong unless you're making it hard for the kids to talk to their dad.
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Old 02-21-2017, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I agree with this. If you have an equal and fair access schedule, its reasonable that unless there's something important to communicate, there's no need to over-communicate with the kids on the other parent's time.



If you had small children, you may need to coordinate this more but these kids are 9 and 10 with access to communication devices to contact their father. As I said, you shouldn't hamper their ability to communicate but its not your job to bug them about it either. And its going to be ultimately ineffective anyway. The last thing I would do is nag kids to talk to their dad....not my role.



Like I said, I'd telling him to stop emailing me about dumb crap and to talk to the kids himself about the issue on his parenting time with them to get it resolved. You aren't his communication director and you're not doing anything wrong unless you're making it hard for the kids to talk to their dad.


Yes I agree completely. However, would it change your stance if I stated that they're not in an equal access situation? Should I be nagging or "facilitating" more because I have more access time than him?


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Old 02-21-2017, 04:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
how do they prove mom is intentionally not allowing the children to contact dad?

if they had to text dad every other day or something, or at least once per week, that might be more reasonable, but every single god damn day? that's a control thing if you ask me. can't mom have time with her children without interference from the other parent ?

on the other hand, my children never call me when with mom unless I ask for it, even then it is either on speaker phone, child is put in a situation to quickly get off phone with me, or the call takes place when mom wants it to or it never happens. it's too ridiculous.

does the order specifically state that the children shall text dad at least once a day ? would that be an order against the children or you? Does it specifically state that you shall have the children text dad everyday ?


The order says absolutely nothing about communication between the kids and the other parent.


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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2017, 04:26 PM
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Hes just trying to build a case against you for his upcoming filing. Like many people said, you can either ignore it or simply respond that you continue to encourage them and hes welcome to reach out to them himself.
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