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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 09-21-2015, 03:33 PM
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Default Termination of Parental Relationship

Hes got a birthday gift for her that has a pile of goodies in it. He just feels that all the food looks like he cares more about the other kid.

Hes also fussing about how he reaches out to her to get her to talk to him. His big issue is not agreeing with her decision to sever the relationship. He cant understand it and is looking to "fix it". I told him to just keep emailing her every now and then to let her know hes thinking of her and he loves her see how it goes.

Ultimately that aspect is her decision but hes still entitled to info on her activities/well being which his ex is not sharing.

ETA: kid 1 has a health issue impacting her food choices. With no car to get to specialty stores, he thought it would be beneficial to buy her a box of stuff she can eat and also take her shopping. Hes worried kid 2 will be jealous. They have never had a healthy view of things one gets over the other. His ex was always of the opinion it had to be equal regardless of their interests, schedules, feelings etc which has bred an attitude of "well you gave her this so I should get it too". Its normal for a parent to send/buy stuff for their kids away at school. It shouldnt be a case of "I hate you because you took her grocery shopping".

Last edited by rockscan; 09-21-2015 at 03:36 PM.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 09-21-2015, 05:39 PM
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stripes is on a distinguished road

Dad can't fix the sibling issue between 1 and 2. If he thinks it would be beneficial for 1 to go shopping for special foods, why not do so? He can't organize his relationship with 1 according to what 2 might think, especially if 2 isn't talking to him at the moment. Maybe 2 will be ticked off, but at the moment she would probably be ticked off by anything Dad does because she's just generally ticked off with Dad. Dad can't let the fear of ticking off 2 be the determining factor in his relationship with 1.

Give 1 what he thinks she needs to have, and keep the door open for 2, with occasional emails and contacts. It will be up to her whether to walk through the door or not.

It sounds like Dad is overthinking this. Do what he thinks is right for the kids and let go of the consequences. He's not in the driver's seat here.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 09-21-2015, 06:12 PM
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What dad needs to consider here is the 'discrimination' effect and realize that it swings both ways:

1- treating equal things as unequal
2- treating unequal things as equal.

The kids are in different situations and should be treated as such...and that's OK.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 09-21-2015, 06:23 PM
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rockscan will become famous soon enough

All things I tell him. I dont have children though so "I dont know what it feels like". Its good to know all of you who are parents agree
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