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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-20-2015, 04:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Well ya know... your husband has a therapist to talk to now. You say he is not willing to do anything legally about the situation so perhaps you should consider not talking to him about his daughter anymore?
that is not so easy to do when your involved with someone with kids. Its a package deal.

Now telling then what to do with their kids is different.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 08-20-2015, 06:38 PM
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Yeah that's got to be very difficult for sure.

Teenagers can be aholes and make poor decisions (that's why they are still considered "children"). If they act like babies then I'd treat them like babies. Give them Barbie Dolls for Christmas.

They will come around when they need something or when they have moved away from mommy-mind-control as was the case with previous poster.
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Old 08-20-2015, 09:09 PM
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Hes no longer seeing the therapist.

We dont discuss these things as his kids are not my responsibility. He will ask for me to read an email if necessary for language but thats it. When I say something its normally after he has gotten upset with something that has happened and is taking it out on me. The only thing I have ever done is express my opinion on a situation. As in "I dont agree with that but theyre your kids". I have insight as I was an alienated child so I can tell him when his behaviour will backfire. Ive been right from the get go.
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Old 08-21-2015, 09:20 PM
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For what it's worth: the kid in question is 14, right? So she is not yet an adult, and among the many things she can't do yet is decide to terminate a parental relationship, just like she can't enter into a contract or vote. I believe Dad's responsibilities all remain in place, because the parental relationship isn't ended just because someone is being a teenage pain in the butt.

I have never been through this situation, but I understand the best-practice advice is to keep the door open but don't push - send greetings on birthday and Christmas, let her know Dad is thinking of her on special occasions. From what I've observed, kids usually do come around eventually, even years later. However, it's a pretty miserable situation to be in so Dad has my sympathy.
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Old 08-24-2015, 07:44 AM
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Thanks all. To be clear, hes not looking to stop paying support. Hes concerned about his rights and responsibilities. He has zero say in anything unless they ask for money (and even then they do it anyway without his money). He cant get info. His ex has never told him anything about their school or medical issues. He resorted to the superintendent for school info as the school secretary is a friend of mom and wouldnt share his calls with the teacher and principal. He had to chase down medical info for a specialist and only found out one kid was having tests done when she mentioned why she was tired on skype. Plus the issues with the confidentiality clause on kids file at the summer activity. His ex seems to think shes allowed to withhold info. He'll address the individual requests as they come and see how things go when shes headed to school.

He cant file a motion over it all and his ex knows it thats why she waited this long. Judges will listen to kids after theyre 14 and his kid is no different. So he wastes thousands of dollars he doesnt have for a judge to tell him the same thing?

Its very sad and we've had a rough weekend as he does this thing where he needs to frame more photos or artwork and sit and look at stuff that makes him feel even worse. Then he starts to blame himself again and take on all the responsibility for the divorce. Yes he shouldnt have moved away or just handed over the kids (he believed they would both work together in good faith) but he also shouldnt be punished for equalization and the fact that he made a decision his ex had been asking for for years. I keep reminding him this may only be temporary and he was/is a good father and he cant shoulder all the blame for something two people created.

Its really unfair how the legal system works. They tried so hard to put protections in place that they failed to protect parents who get alienated from their kids.
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Old 09-21-2015, 01:07 PM
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Im back with a couple of questions. My partner found out yesterday his 15 yo went away to a weekend retreat without his knowledge. This is the fourth time his ex has either gone away with kid or sent kid away without his knowledge. It also adds to the issue with the camp she attended that wouldnt provide info because ex had put a confidentiality clause on the file. Added to this, he has not been provided school info for last year and this year. No report cards, no teacher info etc.

Relevant sections of their agreement state (paraphrased):

1. Shall share joint custody
2. Will make important decisions about welfare together including education, religion and major recreational activities
3. Both may make inquiries and be given info by teachers, medical people, extra curricular providers etc
4. Each parent will advise the other of destination etc and contact info

Now recall that kid told him she doesnt want a relationship with him. He doesnt think that impacts the responsibility of his ex to share info on her.

Is it worth emailing her with a formal request or just going straight to the school? His ex has only communicated with him to demand money. When he requests further info she involves the kids (also against their agreement) and it gets stupid and ugly (on her part).

If its worth the battle, does he just go straight to the school or remind his ex she has an obligation to provide info?

Her attitude is she wont be punished for withholding info so she doesnt bother or care how he feels.

Hes also convinced his kid changed her last name to her mothers maiden name which is also why theres no info.

Thoughts?
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Old 09-21-2015, 01:21 PM
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Just go straight to the school with the court order confirming joint custody and requesting that report cards and all info be sent to his address as well as Mom's. It's a reasonable request. I don't think talking to Mom will accomplish anything. She know what the order says.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 09-21-2015, 01:59 PM
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Your husband and mine have the same ex and children I see.

I feel your pain and have little to offer, but please point me in the direction of the case law you speak of. I've tried searching it, but I must not be able to search properly.

As for the most recent experience, I would also provide a copy of the order to the school, however, if the mother has not indicated that dad is a contact person/guardian or parent, you could be fighting an uphill battle (this happened to my husband).
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Old 09-21-2015, 02:07 PM
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I just did searches on canlii.

He has been going back and forth lately feeling disloyal to kid 2. Kid 1 is away at school and hes put together a care package for her. All of the items in it she NEEDS, its not that hes going out buying clothes and shoes. He would be paying for this anyway and hes trying to make her life easier. He feels by having that for kid 1, he is being disloyal to kid 2. He also thought his new income and higher child support would make her come around and it hasnt. Hence the struggles with making one kid hate him because hes paying attention to the other. Plus the photos of kid 2 he saw of her at this event this weekend upset him that he hasnt been told anything about her health, education or well being.

Needless to say hes been in a state and no matter what I say about letting it go, moving forward, stopping the worrying/conflict just doesnt get through to him.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 09-21-2015, 02:23 PM
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Why doesn't he put together a care package for kid #2 too? Nothing big, just a few treats. That way he won't feel like he's neglecting #2. The worst that can happen is that she'll refuse the package, which will hurt Dad, but it might ease Dad's feelings.

One question to ask: in a year's time even if nothing else has changed, which would you rather regret? That you tried to reach out to your child, or that you didn't try? The answer will tell you what you should do now.

Kid #2 will most likely come around at some point, and even if she's angry and rageful now, she'll remember in years to come that her father didn't give up.
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