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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 12-12-2013, 09:24 PM
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I'm not suggesting springing anything on the party in court. And yes I gather we have to get to the point
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Old 12-12-2013, 09:43 PM
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I would suggest the following:

Ms. xxx's perjury and dishonesty is evidenced by the following:

[exhibit/attachment #] on [date] Ms. xxx attests that for the period/year xxx she was separated.

[exhibit/attachment #] on [date] Ms. xxx admits to cohabitation with xxxx.


and so on.... You don't have to fill in the blanks, just produce and itemize the documents.
  #33 (permalink)  
Old 12-12-2013, 09:50 PM
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Do we do this in New affidavit before trial?
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Old 12-13-2013, 12:45 AM
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I just spent some time reading over many of your previous posts/threads.

You have indeed been very busy gathering information for many months. It seems to me that you have been doing a 'crash course' on family law. You have bravely attempted to apply what you have learned to your own situation.

For the life of me I can't get a grasp on what it is you hope to accomplish. You seem to be all over the map, for lack of better words. You have spent countless time on trying to prove what?

While I haven't been following your threads closely, I just today decided to drop in on this thread which prompted me to review your other threads. I found that in scanning through much of what "we" [you and your current partner I presume] have gone through, all I come up with is the conclusion that you are unable to co-parent effectively with "we's" ex.

Everything is focussed on disparaging "we's" ex rather than putting forward an argument of why the "we's" want 50-50 custody (although I'm not really sure after reading everything of what it is that "we" wants).

I don't mean to crap on you, and again I commend you for deciding to try self-represent, but if I can't follow what you're really after then how do you expect someone else to? All I gather from what I've read is that there is intense hatred for the ex and the "three" of you will stop at nothing to try to prove the other is unworthy of parenting. I especially got this impression with your patronizing attempts to have the mother attend mandatory counselling. It was pretty apparent to me that this was merely an attempt to do what you accuse the mother of doing.

I hope you seriously consider hiring an attorney to guide you. I think you have relied too heavily on people on this forum in creating your own personalized "child custody 101" manual.

Sorry, but that's the way I see it. You did say you wanted feedback.....
  #35 (permalink)  
Old 12-13-2013, 01:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I just spent some time reading over many of your previous posts/threads.

Thank you for going over my previous posts/threads. I have tried to focus my posts on the questions I needed answered the most. Unfortunately, that doesn't convey the entire situation accurately, or logically for posters to read. It provides a glimpse of the situation but I'm not confident the entire situation is evident.

Quote:
You have indeed been very busy gathering information for many months. It seems to me that you have been doing a 'crash course' on family law. You have bravely attempted to apply what you have learned to your own situation.
Quote:
For the life of me I can't get a grasp on what it is you hope to accomplish. You seem to be all over the map, for lack of better words. You have spent countless time on trying to prove what?
We are really trying to defend ourselves against malicious and unfounded allegations. I guess we are trying to prove that we are telling the truth and the mother is lying about many things too.

Quote:
While I haven't been following your threads closely, I just today decided to drop in on this thread which prompted me to review your other threads. I found that in scanning through much of what "we" [you and your current partner I presume] have gone through, all I come up with is the conclusion that you are unable to co-parent effectively with "we's" ex.
Co-parenting is definitely an issue. The issues are two-fold: We are accused of not being actively involved or know about the children's best interest and well being, yet the only time we have not been involved is when the mother has actively went to great lengths to deny or prevent our participation with the children.

Quote:
Everything is focussed on disparaging "we's" ex rather than putting forward an argument of why the "we's" want 50-50 custody (although I'm not really sure after reading everything of what it is that "we" wants).
We want the children to spend time with us without interference from the mother. We don't want to be accountable for what we do, who we do it with, when we do it. Our access time should be ours to spend as we choose. We shouldn't have to justify if we go to a community event or not, if we choose to do homework over soccer, etc. Mom is overly preoccupied with our lives (not just of the children's) but things that don't even involve the children and are irrelevant to effectively co-parent. We want to simplify our lives, and specifically, simplify the lives of the children.

Quote:
I don't mean to crap on you, and again I commend you for deciding to try self-represent, but if I can't follow what you're really after then how do you expect someone else to? All I gather from what I've read is that there is intense hatred for the ex and the "three" of you will stop at nothing to try to prove the other is unworthy of parenting. I especially got this impression with your patronizing attempts to have the mother attend mandatory counselling. It was pretty apparent to me that this was merely an attempt to do what you accuse the mother of doing.
I appreciate your candor. Again, I have not attempted to lay out the situation in my threads for what it is or in logical sequence. You are only getting fragments of the reality of our situation and I can understand how that is easily confused or misconstrued. I need to clarify something: we have never said nor intended to promote that the mother is unworthy of parenting. In fact, we have never criticized the mother's parenting and have remained silent on every parenting regime, rule, custom, tradition, etc. that happens in her home. We believe that both parents should have autonomy in parenting the children as they deem appropriate (of course in reason, and we have had no reason to make allegations of physical abuse, etc.). We don't agree on many things, but we have never injected ourselves into her family/home life with the children as we know that it is not our place.

I didn't mean to sound patronizing about the counseling. I read other posts about this very topic and was wondering how it worked out for others and tried to gain insight of other individual's situations that were perhaps similar. We asked mom for her voluntary participation in counseling many times over and have yet to receive it. We respectfully check in with mom from time to time to see if she will take us up on our offer to attend counseling together but have yet to be successful. After reading other's comments and posts I'd have to agree that forced counseling doesn't make sense and likely won't reach the desired end state. In layman's terms, we were grasping at straws and looking for alternatives to the unknown. No harm done.

Quote:
I hope you seriously consider hiring an attorney to guide you. I think you have relied too heavily on people on this forum in creating your own personalized "child custody 101" manual.
We are not in a position to hire an attorney. We can access legal advice in the background when and should we need it. However, I can tell you that exploring options and other's comments on this thread has been invaluable whereas we can continue to investigate leads or suggestions from others before we seek legal advice and thereby reducing our legal costs. We can also better focus our conversation with an attorney to get more bang for our buck. For these very reasons I am grateful for this forum and what it can offer us. There are also times I see an opinion or point of view I had never even considered before and often times that brings me hope.

Ultimately we are seeking solutions. We don't want to point blame but sometimes, at least I think, we might have to acknowledge fault to determine how to fix what is broken...

Quote:
Sorry, but that's the way I see it. You did say you wanted feedback.....
I do want feedback and appreciate this very much!
  #36 (permalink)  
Old 12-13-2013, 09:23 AM
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Thank you for providing some clarification.

So are you preparing to defend yourselves against accusations which are contained in affidavits? Or are your problems with the ex an ongoing issue? How would you know she is involving herself in issues which don't concern her? Is she harassing you with unnecessary phone calls or emails? Can you not simply request the use of the family wizard software? What about a parenting coordinator?

Sometimes we give too much attention to issues which are unimportant and inadvertently draw attention to things that we later regret.

Are you requesting more parenting time? Sole custody with access to mother? I believe you pay substantial SS. Are you asking for that to be reviewed as well?
  #37 (permalink)  
Old 12-13-2013, 09:28 AM
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This brings back memories from a few years ago in my own family court litigation. I was married 30 yrs. In one of my ex's affidavit's he accused me of not properly toilet training our son (now 32). How he felt there was relevance to SS is beyond me. His affidavit statement provoked some laughs from our side but we certainly didn't address the matter in responding affidavits. It was irrelevant.

I hope you aren't responding to ridiculous statements by the ex. Sometimes a simple "not relevant" statement is sufficient.
  #38 (permalink)  
Old 12-13-2013, 09:48 AM
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A bit more insight which will help answer your questions in the last two posts you made this morning:

Quote:
Are you requesting more parenting time? Sole custody with access to mother? I believe you pay substantial SS. Are you asking for that to be reviewed as well?
We pay substantial spousal and child support. We are not looking to change either. We have made many offers to settle which include full child support despite already being over the 40% threshold. The SA is also written that she can make as much money as she wants while in receipt of the SA and lives with whomever she wants. In fact, she works and makes a good salary and has a common law spouse as well who also makes a good salary. All that to say, they are doing financially very well. Money is not an issue for us in this regard. The SA was written intentionally this way as early on she let us know that she would go to great lengths to hide income and have her partner live on paper at another address to avoid a reduction in SS. We thought about it long and hard and realized we could just give her the full SS without any regard to how she was profiting and just get on with our lives. We really didn't want to invest emotionally or financially on if she was working and who she was living with, and all the other details of her life as we just wanted to get on with ours. Its a great deal for her, and not one that many women would get so easily without a fight. Some people might say we are silly to have done this but we can sleep at night with this arrangement.

She would like us to increase support and section 7 expenses. Although we pay for all section 7 ourselves without any contribution from her save $200 a year for a registration fee she elects to pay on her won.

We have joint custody and are asking for that to be maintained. She is asking for sole custody of course.

Quote:
So are you preparing to defend yourselves against accusations which are contained in affidavits? Or are your problems with the ex an ongoing issue? How would you know she is involving herself in issues which don't concern her? Is she harassing you with unnecessary phone calls or emails? Can you not simply request the use of the family wizard software? What about a parenting coordinator?
We will have to defend ourselves for allegations made in affidavits yes. Problems with her are ongoing. We don't get phone calls but we do get emails and these helped us immensely in many instances with doctors, CAS, etc. It is really unbelievable some of the stuff that she has put into emails. I've said this before, but if she were pissed drunk when she wrote them I could better understand them, but she wasn't lol. CAS for one was quite upset about them and when I started to show the worker years worth of these emails I think that may have been the turning point. It is hard to play the victim and be concerned when you write pages full of emails sometimes several times a day with language that would shame a sailor.

Family Wizard may be an option. But I honestly thing there will be an issue there too. Maybe she won't give us her user name or something. Honestly, everything is such a big issue and always some flaw. For instance, we have an Order that was made recently and she refuses to consent to the wording of the Order so we can't make the endorsement into an Order. Fine, she doesn't agree to the wording - then PLEASE OFFER WORDING YOU WILL AGREE TO! The reality is, there is never a solution, an alternative, a possible solution/alternative. Mom just gives problem after problem after problem and never offers a solution. If we offer a solution, it is met with silence.

I used to think that I had a better understanding of the situation and how everyone involved in the situation feels or might feel about things. I'm of the mindset now that some people involved with our situation are just so angry and so hurt that they just can't move on. And on. And on. And on.

And no we don't respond to ridiculous statements. We respond to what we need to and nothing else. We will often respond that we have already provided certain info and give reference to the communication date of the email but beyond that, we don't keep spoon feeding her what she wants. I'm of the mindset that she likes to prolong the conflict because I can't imagine asking someone the same question over and over and over and over when I could be knitting or watching the paint chip lol.

Btw, we offered to do counselling with everyone involved. Even pay for it too. Again, another great deal, but one that was not taken up.

Nothing is easy.
  #39 (permalink)  
Old 12-13-2013, 10:08 AM
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I just want to say that any questions you ask, the answer depends on context. The questions Arabian asked would be the same issues considered by a judge.

Get used to having to provide context, and providing it in a clear logical way. Clear, complete, not so wordy as to make it difficult.

The reason why something is relevant is called a "warrant" and you need warrants in your arguments to make them admissible.

I understand why a poster may not wish to present every single detail on the boards, but understand that this posting process is a way to sort out your arguments, your supporting facts, and your supporting warrants.
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Old 12-13-2013, 10:30 AM
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I get the distinct impression that you, Serene, are the partner of the father of the children. I also get the impression that you are at odds with the mother of the children. While your efforts to get the paperwork in order are admirable, it is the father who is ultimately responsible to speak to the judge. You can't do it for him.

Your spouse can request that the judge direct Our Family Wizard be used for any and all communication with the mother. A parenting coordinator, for the father and mother, would be a legitimate request.

Your spouse would deny the section 7 expenses because he has documentation to prove he is already paying all section 7 expenses.

Documentation which attest to children's success in school would be relevant and would likely support your claim that no change to current custody is warranted.

Documentation which supports children's physical and mental health might be relevant.

All the other stuff, in my opinion, is just stuff.

I would recommend your spouse keep his response focussed: denial of mother's request to change custody arrangement and motion for use of OFW and parenting coordinator.

Can't this simply be handled by way of motion?
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