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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 08-11-2010, 12:10 PM
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Hammer,

Tks for the reply.
Our S/A was entered into the continuing record 3 years ago. At that time my lawyer told me I could ask to have it converted to a motion by the court, I did not. She may have done that recently though as either party can, no matter it is on file.

I have asked that we sit with a mediator and hammer out the section(s) of the agreement that seem to be causing trouble, like vacations.

It states "each parent shall have TWO WEEKS" both summer and winter.
Her arguement seems to be that she is counting days during those two weeks as if they were normal parenting time such that '2 weeks for me' only equals my weekend and weekday access while for her it equals her weekend and 4 days per week! Totally twisted logic, I can't see how any sane judge would look at 2 weeks vacation in that respect.

My assumption would be a judge would take '2 weeks' to mean 14 days consecutive, that would apply to BOTH of us no matter if I have only 30% access or 50%.

Last time she refused access she emailed me with a curt reply basically telling me I am not going to tell her what is fair and SHE believed it was fair she kept the kids on my weekend too bad, so sad.

IMO that attitude if read by a judge would be enough to prove she did this willfully.

As for the mediator and clarification she has not committed to this but has said she will 'think about it'. Mediator or not we need to sign an amendment into the S/A being more specific about parenting time and vacations for sure.
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Old 08-11-2010, 01:20 PM
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If this happens again, I would advise her that you are attending the regular pickup location at the prescribed time for the exchange of the children. If the children are not there, you will be calling the police to file a report and be taking her to court for denial of access/contempt of court.

A judge should read 2 weeks as 14 days, and she will look bad for her willful denial of access.
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Old 08-11-2010, 01:43 PM
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Go read my sample separation agreement, specifically the Custody/Access Exceptions section:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...greement-7058/

It would probably be best if you tried to get something similar to that added to your agreement. I find it best when dealing with someone who is being difficult, to have something drawn in crayon that you can haul out and use to beat their foolishness into submission.
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Old 08-12-2010, 09:23 PM
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Judges may be hesitant in adding the enforcement clause into an order. As was stated by a police officer to me once, the judge might find that it would be a traumatic experience for the children. Hence, same as always you must document and reinforce. I've missed this point some. Whenever your access is denied, document it, and FILE A POLICE REPORT and have them "visit" the mother. She might get very embarrassed (get the message your not going to succumb) each time a cop is on her front door over each access refusal, and you have a validated third party adding evidence. This will be a means of adding police enforcement to an order.
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Old 08-12-2010, 10:09 PM
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NBDad, that's a slick clause in there for the 7-day vacations. For those with alternating weekends, by indicating specifically Sun thru Sat, it avoids conflicts about whether my 7 days can include a weekend otherwise scheduled for my ex, and whether I can start it immediately after my regular weekend (resulting in 9 days). Regardless of which week I choose, it will include one day of the ex's weekend, and will also have another of my weekend days tacked on to the beginning or the end (resulting in 8 days). Kind of restrictive though...
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Old 08-13-2010, 03:52 PM
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You could always word it a bit differently to account for consecutive weeks as well. The intent when I wrote it was to work around my ex, who has issues with taking care of the children properly for any length of time.

Sun through Sat is logical, as it follows the calendar.

By adding this line to that whole section:

The parties agree that the below Holiday/Vacation schedule shall supersede and take precedence over the normal custody/access already laid out.

It eliminates argument over "but it's MY weekend", etc.

The thing to remember though is that it works both ways.

Yes, both of you are going to lose at least one day out of your normal time. However, no one loses more time than the other, and you both get equal vacation time.

Setting a day for when you have to provide your dates AND setting out WHO gets first choice and when, goes a long way in eliminating petty little arguments and last minute notices.

Of course my ex is a damn lunatic most of the time, so I need something that's very very simple and drawn in crayon.
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Old 08-13-2010, 04:55 PM
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Just dealing with a similar thing with our vacations this year.
This is the first year of an access agreement. It was signed in March. Unfortunatly, I think that it is not comprehensive enough and will have to make some modifications because of this and other issues.

The agreement basically says that by June 1 of each year we will exchange vacation requests.
We both have 2 x 7 days for vacation.
The may be taken together with the other parents permission.
If there is some "overlapping" of vacation time I will have the final say in "even" years and her in odd.

I have the kids EOW and one night per week.

I requested that my vacation would start on the Friday of her weekend and run for 7 days until the Friday of my regularly scheduled weekend.
It would give me a total of 10 days.

She did not like that very much.

We were in court for a Management Conference and she asked the judge to weigh in on the subject.
She stood up in court and said "your Honour, when does a week start".
He took off his glasses and replied "I am not sure. What makes a good dinner?"
She did not get the hint and kept on at him about me having 10 days in a row and was "abusing" the system etc etc etc.

He told her to sit down and moved onto something else.

She eventually got the idea and changed her vacation schedule to mirror what I had done.
Worked fine for all concerned.

Sometimes people just like to bitch and complain because they just don't know what else to do.
All you can do is what you think is best for your kids and you. Others may not think so, but they are still your kids.
You will have to deal with your Ex for a long time, so pick your battles carefully.

Good Luck
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