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-   -   Spouse is avoiding/delaying the inevitable... (http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/spouse-avoiding-delaying-inevitable-21051/)

Enigma32 05-20-2017 10:26 AM

Spouse is avoiding/delaying the inevitable...
 
This is so frustrating.

Our date of separation was in the fall of 2015. She asked for the divorce, but I wanted it, too. She found a lawyer and told me to do the same.

But since then, it has been an uphill battle to get her to move on anything. After months of going back and forth - with weeks of silence from her and her lawyer, we finally reached a deal for our SA one year after our separation date. My lawyer drafted the SA and then more issues came up: she didn't like the terms of my life insurance policy, she wanted me to cover half her legal fees, etc. During this time we had to push her to sell the matrimonial home (it was in her name, but the mortgage was in mine). It has since been sold and the proceeds are in trust, waiting for a signed SA.

We submitted a final SA back in the new year of 2017 and it took her 5 months to respond to it - only after we told them if we didn't hear from them in a week, we would proceed to court. We heard from her lawyer (she told us she was having trouble reaching her client via phone/email) and they missed the deadline we gave. They then had the balls to reply the following week, with even more revisions, which we dismissed because we had already reached a deal back in 2016. I'm done negotiating with her.

So now my lawyer is filling out an application to court - which is so silly as this was supposed to be a simple divorce that she initially asked for.

I need to vent, but I'm also wondering why the hell would someone act this way if this is what they wanted? It seems she can't bring herself to terminate the marriage and I'm concerned how much longer this will take (already over two years now) as I want to get on with my life.

arabian 05-20-2017 11:01 AM

The longer this goes on the more money the lawyers make. I think you and your ex may both be getting smoke blown up your assess by your respective lawyers. Perhaps try to have a candid discussion with your ex and compare notes. Might be an enlightening discussion for both of you. This could be a simple matter of her lawyer pressing her for more money.

Enigma32 05-20-2017 11:11 AM

I don't think so.

My lawyer has been pretty adamant about trying to settle this out of court. Also, I should note that after we received the revised SA after our deadline, the two lawyers spoke and her's conceded the remaining points and was going to speak with ex re: that this is a fair deal and that it would be best for her to sign it.

My ex is the issue here. She refuses to respond to her lawyer now, either by email or phone.

arabian 05-20-2017 11:18 AM

Something that you may or may not be aware of is that often lawyers have private conversations between themselves to discuss "how much is in the file" - how much they can make off of you and your ex. This is commonplace.

We all want to think our lawyers are fantastic and looking out for our best interests but it is very easy to forget that lawyers are business people.... their loyalty is to billable hours.

Your ex will likely tell you that she owes money to the lawyer and lawyer will not proceed until she pays up. She already had her lawyer try to get some money out of you for the lawyer's fees. This jumped out at me as that is not a common request to put in writing.


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