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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 07-24-2013, 12:09 PM
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Default Some good tips for dealing with HCPs

Interesting little article with some good tips:

Virginia Gilbert, MFT: What Therapists Don't Tell You About Divorcing A High-Conflict Personality
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Old 07-24-2013, 01:06 PM
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Really great article and suggestions, hopefully some people starting the process can really benefit from this.

I learned how to deal with my HC ex later on in the game, definitely wish I had found this board from the get go, it probably would have saved me a lot of stress.

Thanks for sharing!
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Old 07-24-2013, 01:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioMomma View Post
Really great article and suggestions, hopefully some people starting the process can really benefit from this.

I learned how to deal with my HC ex later on in the game, definitely wish I had found this board from the get go, it probably would have saved me a lot of stress.

Thanks for sharing!
Same! These were lessons that took me a long time to learn. And I still struggle with some of them. It is hard to ignore the crazy accusations - but it's getting better with time.
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Old 07-24-2013, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by CSAngel View Post
Same! These were lessons that took me a long time to learn. And I still struggle with some of them. It is hard to ignore the crazy accusations - but it's getting better with time.
Yep, it's definitely a constant work in progress!
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Old 07-24-2013, 01:57 PM
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Amazing how common sense most of that is. and I definitely agree with the "parallel parenting vs. co-parenting" thing.
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Old 07-24-2013, 02:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioMomma View Post
I learned how to deal with my HC ex later on in the game, definitely wish I had found this board from the get go, it probably would have saved me a lot of stress.

Thanks for sharing!
Double ditto!!!

Unfortunately I've still got a ways to go... and I wish I figured this out two years ago... but I take comfort in that I finally know what I'm dealing with.... and there are others that actually understand
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Old 07-24-2013, 02:15 PM
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I have sent numerous people to this website. Once people find out what you have gone through and they are going through the same thing the questions begin.

The sooner people find this place the better.
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Old 07-24-2013, 08:05 PM
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Read a lot about the narcissists lately. As they say this condition is rarely professionally diagnosed because narcissists do not think there is anyting wrong with them. Wondering if a mandatory evaluation is possible in some extreme cases.
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Old 07-24-2013, 10:09 PM
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It's so hard, though isn't it? To ignore? I have an X who, when he puts something in writing, believes it to be true. He has recently been texting/emailing me all sorts of bullshit then texts our son the other day to say he has all the emails to "prove it and it'll all come out in court." Just because you wrote it, doesn't make it true.

(The judge got a good look at his HC temper the other day - X tried talking over him a few times. That didnt go well. Lol.)

I've recently downloaded It's All Your Fault! (Bill Eddy) to iBooks. I'm finding that good, because some of the advice also says that there are times when you DO need to set the record straight, not just ignore.

Last edited by Qrious; 07-24-2013 at 10:13 PM.
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Old 07-24-2013, 11:48 PM
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Everyone on this thread seems on exactly the same page.

For me, far and away the hardest part about the "ignore the ex" concept is what it teaches the kids.

I'm "fortunate".. if one could call it that.. in that my kids are teens and the fight over custody and access is not worth the battle. I live close by and maintain as close to a daily relationship with them as possible. That part is very good.

But what does this teach them?? They love both of us.... yet we can't even speak to each other... going on for years now.

Kids continually say, "why can you both just work this out???"

Judges and mediators have told me directly... "you must learn to communicate".

She says all the right things to all the right people at all the right times. Then 15 seconds after they all disappear, a whole new personality rears itself.... my own personal version of hell.

ugh.
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