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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #81 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 04:20 PM
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The facts are: yes he absolutely threw around the 50-50 idea at first.
He didn't throw it around. He paid his lawyer draft up a formal offer to settle for 50/50.

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Anyway, you aren't here to give me advice which is all I hope to gain here.
Your thread was about sole or joint. I gave probably the best advice so far to go through a cancellation process of steps before going for sole. Have you considered my advice that was very relevant to this thread?
Quote:
This is why 50-50 was all bluffing
When his lawyer sent you a formal offer to settle including a 50/50 request, why didn't you say yes if you thought it was a bluff? If it were all "talk" he wouldn't have paid his hard earned money to have his lawyer draft up the OTS for 50/50 .. especially if he's as much about money as you say.

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Ask yourself, if he really wanted 50-50 then why did he turn it down for the summer? Would you?
He may have turned down week on week off .. but he still asked for an equal summer. 3 7 day stretches plus some of his days off would be half the summer. So he didn't turn down an equal summer, you two are just fighting over schedules.

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I don't need to remember lies either. Notice the word formal isn't in my post? This is because it wasn't a formal agreement.
Ange .. if his lawyer prepared an offer to settle and sent it to you that is considered formal. You don't need an "offer to settle paper" for it to be formal.

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It was obviously hastily written before he even realized he couldn't actually swing it.
But he didn't write it. He paid his lawyer to prepare the offer to settle correct? You should always take OTS's seriously.

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You can speculate that I "beat him into submission" or you can weigh the other facts I've presented and take the stance that he really didn't want it.
My guess is that you threw around your staus quo angle and his lawyer and he decided to step back to avoid costs .. who knows? Can't help but wonder what things would be like now if you accepted though. You may have been pleasantly surprised.

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You can't see the forest for the trees and many people have told you this.
I've been in the forest when the forest was burning down. I have a pretty good grasp on caselaw, FLR's, CLRA, affidavit writing and what judges look for. I see more than you think.

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You're obviously a very bitter person and have a grudge against me.
I am not a bitter person at all and I have no grudge against you. Perhaps I get overly passionate about certain topics and for that I apologize. I really care about kids and I know ongoing familial conflict is no good for them. I feel I've contributed some good suggestions in this thread.

Like:
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1. Have you bought 2 subscriptions to www.ourfamilywizard.com and sent him a copy to use?

2. Have you prepared a draft order for your subsequent court date outlining proper, infrequent, appropriate communication?

3. Do you ignore him or engage?

4. Have you offered a family counselor (or coordinator) to assist you both?

5. Have you prepared a request for a "parallel parenting regime"
You are tired of the ill communication (good Beastie Boys album) and I get that. But shooting for sole isn't the answer in my opinion, not before you try other things. Let him deny all the steps and get proof for the judge that he did. Then it's smooth sailing to sole.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-23-2017 at 04:23 PM.
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  #82 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 04:25 PM
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His lawyer didn't send a formal offer to settle for 50/50. You didn't read that part LF32. He sent an offer for HIS DAYS OFF which DID NOT AMOUNT TO 50/50.

In other words he told Ange if she didn't agree to reduce child support he would go for 50/50. She pretty much said go for it and he DIDN'T!

Her ex is not you and not any of the other dads on here fighting for 50/50. He wants to cut the money only. And when she says his gf is getting him involved thats a slight against his involvement over the time he was alone.

Can you please get a grip and let this crap go. This isn't a case for your soapbox.
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  #83 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
His lawyer didn't send a formal offer to settle for 50/50. You didn't read that part LF32. He sent an offer for HIS DAYS OFF which DID NOT AMOUNT TO 50/50.
Asking for 3 7 day stretches (21 days) + days off would certainly = a month and the summer is 2 months so Im not sure how he's not asking for an equal summer. But, I was actually talking about early on Rock. Ange is claiming that there was never a formal offer for 50/50. I'm simply trying to let her know that there was.

As seen in her very first thread.

Quote:
I then received a proposed new agreement from his lawyer suggesting he get 50-50
She rejected the offer. Saying stuff like:
Quote:
I have a hard time just saying here have your kids 50/50 after what he's been doing to me.
If a lawyer drafts up an OTS and sends it it is considered formal. I know he's not asking now. I just dont want to hear that he never has.

We wouldn't want her in trial saying there was no formal OTS for 50/50 when there's proof there was.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-23-2017 at 04:51 PM.
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  #84 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 04:50 PM
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Suggesting is the key word.

Your ex suggested you get nothing.

My partners ex suggested he pay her 20 grand.

Theres a difference between suggesting and a formal offer. His formal offer was less than 50/50.

Remember the tactics lawyers use. Send a letter saying you'll do x if you don't get y. If you don't get it we will fight for z. He didn't even do that. He only wanted to pay less while doing nothing. I think it speaks volumes that Ange is willing to go below table amounts when she is entitled to it just to make this go away.
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Old 08-23-2017, 04:51 PM
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LF! You just "don't want to hear that he never has"?

Why? For God's sake, why do you care??

Perhaps everything is a lie? Maybe Ange is a 15 year old boy typing on a cheap cell phone with a broken screen?

Ask yourself LF if you think you have made your point to her clearly? If so, then let it go. Leave the woman alone. Making the same point over and over just makes you look obsessive. Isn't there some sort of disorder where a person has to be right all the time?

Last edited by SadAndTired; 08-23-2017 at 04:54 PM.
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  #86 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 04:59 PM
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Originally Posted by SadAndTired View Post
LF! You just "don't want to hear that he never has"?

Why? For God's sake, why do you care??

Perhaps everything is a lie? Maybe Ange is a 15 year old boy typing on a cheap cell phone with a broken screen?

Ask yourself LF if you think you have made your point to her clearly? If so, then let it go. Leave the woman alone. Making the same point over and over just makes you look obsessive. Isn't there some sort of disorder where a person has to be right all the time?
Her lawyer sent a formal ots in the beginning. Im trying to let her know that its considered a formal offer. Its just a fact.

S&T .. Wasnt it you who called me a catfish...saying I wasn't who I actually was? Weren't you the broken record on every one of my threads backing my ex? Hmm...teapot?

Rock...a propsed offer to settle was sent in the beginning for 50/50. It was requested via a lawyer drafted letter. Ange uses the word suggested...but I highly doubt a lawyer would.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-23-2017 at 05:05 PM.
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  #87 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 05:06 PM
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Theres a difference (which my partner's lawyer has outlined to us) between an offer to settle and a letter. This wasn't an offer to settle. Plus it wasn't sent in the spirit of 50/50. He was obligated to update his child support and the letter was a threat that if she pushed to update child support to the table amounts he would seek 50/50. Thats not in any way shape or form an offer to settle. Thats a threat and blows away the spirit of negotiation. Considering that Ange had already agreed to lower child support than tables TO BEGIN WITH, his letter in the beginning was bullshit.

Let.It.Go. This guy is not in the running for father of the year. He isnt worth your harping.
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  #88 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 05:21 PM
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Ange herself wrote that she was turning down his 50/50 many times, but whatever, I can see I'm getting nowhere. lol

In the end make no mistake about me:

1. I lose all respect for fathers who dont pay their $$.
2. I lose all respect for fathers who dont fight tooth and nail for 50/50.

I'm more on Ange's side than ppl around here think. I'm simply proposing that she attempts other avenues before she goes for sole .. and I dont see that as bad advice. Do you guys?
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  #89 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 05:34 PM
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LF - listen to me very carefully - at the start THERE WAS NO FORMAL OFFER TO SETTLE. I am the OP here. I would know wouldn't I? I was sent a letter from a lawyer that had suggestion bullet points in it. It was titled "Amending Agreement". One of the points was that we go from joint custody to shared custody and that his client "have an equal time-sharing" arrangement. No actual schedule was proposed at this time. This occurred AFTER he was reminded a million times to adjust the child support as per the terms of the agreement.
I said no to equal time sharing. Not denying that.
Then I sent several Offers to Settle his way. He declined each and every one in its entirety.
I finally received the one and only Offer to Settle from him in JUNE. In this Offer he asked for 3 additional overnights (which was a one day reduction from the court application that asked for 4 days) but wanted to cut the child support in half, drop daycare, clear up some of the other grey areas, drop the kids at the age of majority etc.
We mediated (twice) in which we agreed on the 3 extra days for him and negotiated the child support.
He got what he wanted - a few days extra and a major drop in his child support. I told you months ago in threads I am not going to go back and copy and paste from that when it got down to the negotiating table he was going to just "take the deal" because I was going to make it very lucrative for him. It is a great deal for him because he gets to save thousands per year. This is the hit I took when he isn't even at 50%. Do the math on 10 overnights in a month and see what percentage he is at. My kids are owed full table support but because this is the most freaking stressful thing I've ever gone through, I caved.
The two things I am not caving on? The summer negotiations which is the last piece before we settle. He wants three 7 day stretches and some extra days. You are right that it sounds like he's asking for an equal summer. I offered an equal summer but he doesn't want it because week on week off means he'd be working some of the time he has them. He wants the whole schedule to revolve around him so he can take the least possible amount of vacation time from the vacation bank for his kids and instead just try to use existing days off. He uses his vacation time for trips with the gf. I think he can be the one to concede a little on this matter.

The other item I refuse to give up on is the matter of his arrears. He refuses to respond to me about the money that needs to be released from FRO. I keep asking and reminding him that there will be no pen to paper on any deal until he puts every penny owed to his children into the FRO account so they can release the accrued funds to me after we refile any new agreement with them. He actually tried to barter with this money in mediation as well.

Hopefully this spells it out for you LF. You seem to literally be the only person who doesn't understand the facts. Please stop embarrassing yourself. I know you mean well but you saw red from the start when I said I didn't believe 50-50 was best in my case.

Arabian said it very well....stop trying to equate yourself to Ange's ex....you're better than him.
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  #90 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 05:35 PM
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Also, I didn't say I was going for sole....I asked a question.
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