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  #71 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 08:14 PM
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My recollection (which could be wrong) is that the father had a revolving door of girlfriends until the last one. Children are teenagers who are quite content with current situation. Father was too until he had to recalculate CS. Then father requested 50-50.... which was rescinded at last CC.... Father just wanted money reduced. Father does not want to have the kids unless it correlates with his work schedule. G/F is a somewhat new fixture (for now) and father indicates that she will look after the kids from time to time (when he is at work which worked out to be the majority of the time he was seeking increased access).

Now the father is, once again, in arrears. Father has had same union job for over a decade. Father and g/f need some financial counselling. If I were Ange I'd drag this out as long as possible and see the fallout.... Father's situation, it seems, is anything but stable except for his employment. He is a financial train-wreck who is using child access/child support reduction as answer to his problems. Yeah I don't think he's super dad. I think he's an idiot.
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  #72 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 08:25 PM
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Even though calculations come out that he is supposed to pay more CS (in accordance to his tax return) Ange has agreed to reduce it 500.00/month - that's a large amount of CS to walk away from (think she should get another lawyer). Meanwhile the guy has made ABSOLUTELY NO overture to alter his work schedule so that he could, indeed, spend more quality time with his children. What does that tell you???

Men who are proponents of 50/50 should not endorse the actions of such an individual.

The guy should man-up and pay his arrears and talk to union steward about his schedule. I believe he has enough seniority to qualify for change of shifts so he can spend more time with his children (when they aren't in school). The guy should show some good faith by agreeing to equitably share weekends with his ex. This is not too much to expect. His failure to do so will bite him in the ass in the end. His actions (or not) speak very loud.

LF32 this guy is in no way anything like you or your situation. You would jump over the moon for your daughter to make things work. Don't lower yourself and compare yourself to this loser.
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  #73 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 08:56 PM
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Arabian, you hit the nail on the head with both posts.

LF32 seems to think all fathers are like him but in reality, they are not. Its sad that someone wont do the little things to be a parent. That includes being a parent when it isnt convenient for them.
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  #74 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 10:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
So just to make things clear, your new stance is that your ex only wants to be a good dad now because his new g/f is making (or fueling) him to? Really? Will this be in your affidavit? Is nobody else going to comment on this crap or just hide in the shadows scared of the possee's responses?


Yes they do .. and the status quo has been that he's been in their life a long time approaching 35-40-50% or whatever already for many years. He shouldn't be disqualified from making parental decisions based on the details given, in my opinion.

Again, his lawyer sent you a formal proposed agreement for 50/50. He PAID his lawyer for this. He was serious. This wasn't an insincere e-mail. Stop beating him into submission, talking about his g/f and be reasonable. I promise it will pay off for the kids in the end. Don't get too influenced by angry, fed up parents here encouraging war. Peace, reasonableness, being resolution-focused and flexible is the name of the game here.

I know you ignored the 5 steps to take before going for sole to try and improve communication (the possee loves to lend a blind eye .. I have great eyesight). Why not try all that first?


The absence of a comment on something does not mean that a) I haven't tried some of it or b) I am ignoring it. Likewise, I notice you declined to comment on the fact that my ex is in arrears again. Maybe I should assume that your absence of a comment on this means you support him neglecting his duty to provide child support for his children?

Also, to be clear, there was never a "formal proposed" agreement for 50-50. Ever.


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  #75 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 10:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
My recollection (which could be wrong) is that the father had a revolving door of girlfriends until the last one. Children are teenagers who are quite content with current situation. Father was too until he had to recalculate CS. Then father requested 50-50.... which was rescinded at last CC.... Father just wanted money reduced. Father does not want to have the kids unless it correlates with his work schedule. G/F is a somewhat new fixture (for now) and father indicates that she will look after the kids from time to time (when he is at work which worked out to be the majority of the time he was seeking increased access).



Now the father is, once again, in arrears. Father has had same union job for over a decade. Father and g/f need some financial counselling. If I were Ange I'd drag this out as long as possible and see the fallout.... Father's situation, it seems, is anything but stable except for his employment. He is a financial train-wreck who is using child access/child support reduction as answer to his problems. Yeah I don't think he's super dad. I think he's an idiot.


Pretty accurate. Except the kids are not teens. A couple years away from that and not in a rush! Also, he's not in a union job. He has a great, high paying job. He shouldn't be in any financial trouble whatsoever, and I doubt highly that he is. He didn't make the increase because right now FRO is only releasing me the amount from the first agreement (so the "extra" he pays just accrues in the FRO account). He figured he'd just wait on that one because I can't receive the increase anyway (until we make an amending agreement for the new child support), and now he's using all of this as a bargaining chip in the negotiations.


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  #76 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 11:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Pretty accurate. Except the kids are not teens. A couple years away from that and not in a rush! Also, he's not in a union job. He has a great, high paying job. He shouldn't be in any financial trouble whatsoever, and I doubt highly that he is. He didn't make the increase because right now FRO is only releasing me the amount from the first agreement (so the "extra" he pays just accrues in the FRO account). He figured he'd just wait on that one because I can't receive the increase anyway (until we make an amending agreement for the new child support), and now he's using all of this as a bargaining chip in the negotiations.


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Just to clarify, yes he's been in the same job for about 17 years now. He's with a union too, I think I misread what you wrote. He's a shiftworker who has been doing the same role for so long now and most people his age have gone to a desk or a 9-5 position within the job. I don't know the circumstances on why he hasn't yet. I guess he doesn't want to.


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  #77 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 11:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Even though calculations come out that he is supposed to pay more CS (in accordance to his tax return) Ange has agreed to reduce it 500.00/month - that's a large amount of CS to walk away from (think she should get another lawyer). Meanwhile the guy has made ABSOLUTELY NO overture to alter his work schedule so that he could, indeed, spend more quality time with his children. What does that tell you???

Men who are proponents of 50/50 should not endorse the actions of such an individual.

The guy should man-up and pay his arrears and talk to union steward about his schedule. I believe he has enough seniority to qualify for change of shifts so he can spend more time with his children (when they aren't in school). The guy should show some good faith by agreeing to equitably share weekends with his ex. This is not too much to expect. His failure to do so will bite him in the ass in the end. His actions (or not) speak very loud.

LF32 this guy is in no way anything like you or your situation. You would jump over the moon for your daughter to make things work. Don't lower yourself and compare yourself to this loser.


I agreed to reduce it BY 500 per month. Still a lot to have conceded though.


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  #78 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Likewise, I notice you declined to comment on the fact that my ex is in arrears again. Maybe I should assume that your absence of a comment on this means you support him neglecting his duty to provide child support for his children?
I actually dont buy this arrears thing, which is why I didn't comment. You only brought this up after I made many good points. If it were true I guarantee you would have started an angry thread about it when it happened, not just let us know non-nonchalantly to counter my post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Also, to be clear, there was never a "formal proposed" agreement for 50-50. Ever.
And this is why I've been calling BS. I didn't want to go back, but here we go:

Here is what you said in your very first post in odf:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I then received a proposed new agreement from his lawyer suggesting he get 50-50,
Soo, you were sent a formal proposed agreement. Can we get past that now? To which you replied:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I emphatically said "NO" to this proposal
Please stop saying he never sent a formal proposal for 50/50. It's not looking good for your credibility .. because you actually wrote that he did.

If this were a father being caught the possee would be "all over you" regarding credibility. Luckily you're a mom...so you're all good with the other posters.


This has just become a dad bashing thread .. so you guys go on about how his spelling has improved since he met his g/f, how he only wants to be a good dad because of his new g/f .. or he only wants to see his kids for money purposes. Or how everything he does is case building (while you record your kids to build your case).

In my case these same posters kept me in line when I became sour about my ex and her actions. They encouraged me to stay focused on the FLR's, CLRA's. They helped in so many ways to achieve what I have today and I'll be forever grateful. But boy was I trampled if I complained about her character or villified her in any way. Funny how it all changes when it's a mom here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
LF32 seems to think all fathers are like him but in reality, they are not. Its sad that someone wont do the little things to be a parent. That includes being a parent when it isnt convenient for them.
Little things like moving closer to their school to make life easier for the kids? Or asking to have equal involvement in their life..and being rejected?

Struggling with scheduling does not make somebody a bad father. He tried to see his kids more equally (which would have included having his support system in place while he was at work).

You seem to forget Ange "empathetically said NO to 50/50". She disallowed him an equal relationship .. yes it's shitty that he gave up trying after her denials .. but it was denied nonetheless. He "did" in fact try to parent even when it wasn't convenient for him. He paid money to send that formal proposed agreement for 50/50. He was "DENIED" that opportunity. He even moved closer to their school. I hear nothing positive about that step either.

Posters need to stop their moaning and whining and go back to her first thread. You're all being "had" by the OP. She's here to validate her own thoughts about how terrible he is and vent, not get sound advice. I'm truly surprised that my fellow mother posters are simply joining in on it.

An annoying mate, but doesn't sound like a bad dad. Parallel parenting with 50/50 would have solved all of this crap. Too bad you denied his lawyers formal proposal for 50/50 in the beginning....but the least you can do is simply acknowledge that it was sent .. as you wrote it was early on.

Now we've determined that you've been caught in a lie again, lets get focused .. have you attempted any of 5 steps I suggested to help relieve communication issues so that a joint situation could work?

The thing about my threads is that my stories never ever changed. The truth is so easy to follow because I never had to remember any lies that I wrote, because there were none.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-23-2017 at 10:06 AM.
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  #79 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 10:34 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I actually dont buy this arrears thing, which is why I didn't comment. You only brought this up after I made many good points. If it were true I guarantee you would have started an angry thread about it when it happened, not just let us know non-nonchalantly to counter my post.


And this is why I've been calling BS. I didn't want to go back, but here we go:

Here is what you said in your very first post in odf:



Soo, you were sent a formal proposed agreement. Can we get past that now? To which you replied:


Please stop saying he never sent a formal proposal for 50/50. It's not looking good for your credibility .. because you actually wrote that he did.

If this were a father being caught the possee would be "all over you" regarding credibility. Luckily you're a mom...so you're all good with the other posters.


This has just become a dad bashing thread .. so you guys go on about how his spelling has improved since he met his g/f, how he only wants to be a good dad because of his new g/f .. or he only wants to see his kids for money purposes. Or how everything he does is case building (while you record your kids to build your case).

In my case these same posters kept me in line when I became sour about my ex and her actions. They encouraged me to stay focused on the FLR's, CLRA's. They helped in so many ways to achieve what I have today and I'll be forever grateful. But boy was I trampled if I complained about her character or villified her in any way. Funny how it all changes when it's a mom here.


Little things like moving closer to their school to make life easier for the kids? Or asking to have equal involvement in their life..and being rejected?

Struggling with scheduling does not make somebody a bad father. He tried to see his kids more equally (which would have included having his support system in place while he was at work).

You seem to forget Ange "empathetically said NO to 50/50". She disallowed him an equal relationship .. yes it's shitty that he gave up trying after her denials .. but it was denied nonetheless. He "did" in fact try to parent even when it wasn't convenient for him. He paid money to send that formal proposed agreement for 50/50. He was "DENIED" that opportunity. He even moved closer to their school. I hear nothing positive about that step either.

Posters need to stop their moaning and whining and go back to her first thread. You're all being "had" by the OP. She's here to validate her own thoughts about how terrible he is and vent, not get sound advice. I'm truly surprised that my fellow mother posters are simply joining in on it.

An annoying mate, but doesn't sound like a bad dad. Parallel parenting with 50/50 would have solved all of this crap. Too bad you denied his lawyers formal proposal for 50/50 in the beginning....but the least you can do is simply acknowledge that it was sent .. as you wrote it was early on.

Now we've determined that you've been caught in a lie again, lets get focused .. have you attempted any of 5 steps I suggested to help relieve communication issues so that a joint situation could work?

The thing about my threads is that my stories never ever changed. The truth is so easy to follow because I never had to remember any lies that I wrote, because there were none.


You're obviously a very bitter person and have a grudge against me. The thing about this place is that you have to take the posters at face value. You don't see the ex's side. The facts are: yes he absolutely threw around the 50-50 idea at first. Yes I emphatically said NO - not denying that. I gave my reasons which you and some other people disagreed with. Then when a formal offer did come, it was not for 50-50. It was for only his days off. He doesn't have the ability to be off half of the month. Who does? This is why 50-50 was all bluffing. Somebody else said here (Arabian?) that it might have been a standard negotiating tactic - say you want more so it looks like you are "conceding" with your actual offer. I believe this completely.
Ask yourself, if he really wanted 50-50 then why did he turn it down for the summer? Would you?
The arrears are absolutely true. I'm sorry you think I'm lying but I'm not. If you look back LF, I don't start "angry" threads. I also don't really want to be posting every day. I could be if I wanted to - there's enough drama and material. There are lots of things I haven't posted. I'm pretty sure I did mention somewhere about the daycare payment being late though. I only just found out about the other arrears actually.
Anyway, you aren't here to give me advice which is all I hope to gain here. I don't really want to come here to hear that I'm a liar. We could all be lying to each other, it's a forum. You can't see the forest for the trees and many people have told you this.


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  #80 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I actually dont buy this arrears thing, which is why I didn't comment. You only brought this up after I made many good points. If it were true I guarantee you would have started an angry thread about it when it happened, not just let us know non-nonchalantly to counter my post.


And this is why I've been calling BS. I didn't want to go back, but here we go:

Here is what you said in your very first post in odf:



Soo, you were sent a formal proposed agreement. Can we get past that now? To which you replied:


Please stop saying he never sent a formal proposal for 50/50. It's not looking good for your credibility .. because you actually wrote that he did.

If this were a father being caught the possee would be "all over you" regarding credibility. Luckily you're a mom...so you're all good with the other posters.


This has just become a dad bashing thread .. so you guys go on about how his spelling has improved since he met his g/f, how he only wants to be a good dad because of his new g/f .. or he only wants to see his kids for money purposes. Or how everything he does is case building (while you record your kids to build your case).

In my case these same posters kept me in line when I became sour about my ex and her actions. They encouraged me to stay focused on the FLR's, CLRA's. They helped in so many ways to achieve what I have today and I'll be forever grateful. But boy was I trampled if I complained about her character or villified her in any way. Funny how it all changes when it's a mom here.


Little things like moving closer to their school to make life easier for the kids? Or asking to have equal involvement in their life..and being rejected?

Struggling with scheduling does not make somebody a bad father. He tried to see his kids more equally (which would have included having his support system in place while he was at work).

You seem to forget Ange "empathetically said NO to 50/50". She disallowed him an equal relationship .. yes it's shitty that he gave up trying after her denials .. but it was denied nonetheless. He "did" in fact try to parent even when it wasn't convenient for him. He paid money to send that formal proposed agreement for 50/50. He was "DENIED" that opportunity. He even moved closer to their school. I hear nothing positive about that step either.

Posters need to stop their moaning and whining and go back to her first thread. You're all being "had" by the OP. She's here to validate her own thoughts about how terrible he is and vent, not get sound advice. I'm truly surprised that my fellow mother posters are simply joining in on it.

An annoying mate, but doesn't sound like a bad dad. Parallel parenting with 50/50 would have solved all of this crap. Too bad you denied his lawyers formal proposal for 50/50 in the beginning....but the least you can do is simply acknowledge that it was sent .. as you wrote it was early on.

Now we've determined that you've been caught in a lie again, lets get focused .. have you attempted any of 5 steps I suggested to help relieve communication issues so that a joint situation could work?

The thing about my threads is that my stories never ever changed. The truth is so easy to follow because I never had to remember any lies that I wrote, because there were none.


I don't need to remember lies either. Notice the word formal isn't in my post? This is because it wasn't a formal agreement. It was obviously hastily written before he even realized he couldn't actually swing it. When the FORMAL offer came (written on Offer to Settle paper) in it wasn't for 50-50. It wasn't even for 40%.
You can speculate that I "beat him into submission" or you can weigh the other facts I've presented and take the stance that he really didn't want it. As evidenced also by the fact that he turned down a week on week off summer. This is key actually. Why on earth turn down 50/50 in the summer if you want it all year too?


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