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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #61 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 08:44 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Yes it was me, and me alone, who brought up suggestion of one month at one parent and one month at other parent's home. I didn't get much agreement LOL which is quite all right.

I think people pander their children too much. I also think people are kind of strange and use this sort of situation as a way to stay connected with their ex. (Yep you guys won't agree with me on that one either but it's just my observation... outside looking in).

I also think people tell their ex way too much about their daily lives. Having kids have to phone parents every day is just another way for an ex to be nosy. Same with too much back and forth between parents homes. I suspect that control freaks like that sort of thing as it keeps them in the loop with regard to their ex's comings and goings.


I agree about the communication. This is one of the major sticking points in the back and forth negotiations we are having right now. My ex wants the kids to call him everyday (he doesn't ever call them). I think that's ridiculous and don't allow everyday phone calls. The fact that he doesn't call himself indicates to me that it's just a control thing. He expects me to organize and remind the kids to make a daily call. He is a major control freak though. I think the kids should be able to make the choice to call or not.


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  #62 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 09:29 AM
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I should add also, nothing would bring me more joy than not having to talk to my ex ever again. Unfortunately, my wonderful children have him for a father so that won't be happening. This is why the original question was asked (sole vs joint.....we've strayed a little lol). I feel like if I had sole I wouldn't have to hear about how I'm awful for every day to day decision he wants to pretend is a big deal for his case building. I literally cannot make a move concerning the kids without his comment. The kids didn't call me last night so I'm alienating, our kids only choose the sports you like so I'm brainwashing, why are you agreeing to let her dye her hair without consulting on such a MAJOR decision etc etc. It's funny because up until a year ago, I didn't hear a thing from him about anything. He was plenty alright with me just handling it all. Now he needs to be overboard superdad. It's fuelled by the girlfriend. He's even learned how to spell properly in the last year.
Before LF jumps down my throat, yeah I just dissed the girlfriend. Doesn't mean I hate her. The kids like her so I'm good with her being around if they get something positive out of it.


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  #63 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 09:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Yes it was me, and me alone, who brought up suggestion of one month at one parent and one month at other parent's home. I didn't get much agreement LOL which is quite all right.

I think people pander their children too much. I also think people are kind of strange and use this sort of situation as a way to stay connected with their ex. (Yep you guys won't agree with me on that one either but it's just my observation... outside looking in).

I also think people tell their ex way too much about their daily lives. Having kids have to phone parents every day is just another way for an ex to be nosy. Same with too much back and forth between parents homes. I suspect that control freaks like that sort of thing as it keeps them in the loop with regard to their ex's comings and goings.


I actually agree with you... I think parents speak way to much... my husbands ex texts him about every little thing. Prime example, we met her to take the kids back Friday... not even 10 min later she was texting about the sandals their daughter wore back. She said she came in different sandals and asked for them to switch back. He said we would look for them but don't recall seeing the ones she was describing. Her response was a big long message about how she didn't want to fight about it and she didn't mean for this to start a fight between them. He ignored because it wasn't a fight and no need to respond... she continued to text him asking if he was mad, etc. When the kids are with us, she has to FaceTime the kids every day. We don't stop it but it can get annoying when we are trying to do something and they are rushing to their iPods. When the kids are with her he never texts her (why would he?) and rarely do we message the kids unless they message us.

I think a lot of parents are afraid that their children may actually be okay with the other parent so they use "communication" as a way to keep tabs on the other parent


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  #64 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 05:23 PM
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Default 5 steps before requesting "sole"

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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
This is why the original question was asked (sole vs joint.....we've strayed a little lol). I feel like if I had sole I wouldn't have to hear about how I'm awful for every day to day decision he wants to pretend is a big deal for his case building.
1. Have you bought 2 subscriptions to www.ourfamilywizard.com and sent him a copy to use?

2. Have you prepared a draft order for your subsequent court date outlining proper, infrequent, appropriate communication?

3. Do you ignore him or engage?

4. Have you offered a family counselor (or coordinator) to assist you both?

5. Have you prepared a request for a "parallel parenting regime"

These are just some of the suggestions given to you over your time here .. but you just seem to be asking the same questions over and over trying to figure out how to achieve sole custody. The above should be attempted first.

Quote:
Now he needs to be overboard superdad. It's fuelled by the girlfriend.
Geez .. here we go with the obsession with his mate. You dont live with them, you have no clue what fuels what. I thought it was money at first? Now his g/f? If I recall you said you feel that she organizes his life too? It certainly couldn't be his love for his kids right? Your posts seep of hard feelings toward your ex, perhaps even some jealousy of his mate. You need to work that out to have a more objective stance.

My opinion is to mind your own business regarding his relationship. When I was fighting for D6, I wonder if my ex pondered all these outrageous things instead of me wanting to be the best dad I could be .. or, a "super dad" as I strive for. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being the best dad possible. It seems to piss you off and that's quite bothersome to me, but whatever.

He wants to be a good dad and be more involved. He wants to be part of the decision making. If he has proof that you have excluded him in decision making then you certainly wont get anywhere near sole in court. Judges are very clever at catching parents manufacture situations where one parent says (no cooperate = me sole?) .. just be mindful of that.

Many mothers on here would kill for their ex to "want" to be more involved, communicate, move closer to the kids school, pay all back CS, etc. I feel like there are so many molehills being turned in to mountains here.

I have 5 good points regarding steps you should take before going for sole custody. I suggest you really consider them.
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  #65 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 05:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
1. Have you bought 2 subscriptions to www.ourfamilywizard.com and sent him a copy to use?



2. Have you prepared a draft order for your subsequent court date outlining proper, infrequent, appropriate communication?



3. Do you ignore him or engage?



4. Have you offered a family counselor (or coordinator) to assist you both?



5. Have you prepared a request for a "parallel parenting regime"



These are just some of the suggestions given to you over your time here .. but you just seem to be asking the same questions over and over trying to figure out how to achieve sole custody. The above should be attempted first.





Geez .. here we go with the obsession with his mate. You dont live with them, you have no clue what fuels what. I thought it was money at first? Now his g/f? If I recall you said you feel that she organizes his life too? It certainly couldn't be his love for his kids right? Your posts seep of hard feelings toward your ex, perhaps even some jealousy of his mate. You need to work that out to have a more objective stance.



My opinion is to mind your own business regarding his relationship. When I was fighting for D6, I wonder if my ex pondered all these outrageous things instead of me wanting to be the best dad I could be .. or, a "super dad" as I strive for. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being the best dad possible. It seems to piss you off and that's quite bothersome to me, but whatever.



He wants to be a good dad and be more involved. He wants to be part of the decision making. If he has proof that you have excluded him in decision making then you certainly wont get anywhere near sole in court. Judges are very clever at catching parents manufacture situations where one parent says (no cooperate = me sole?) .. just be mindful of that.



Many mothers on here would kill for their ex to "want" to be more involved, communicate, move closer to the kids school, pay all back CS, etc. I feel like there are so many molehills being turned in to mountains here.



I have 5 good points regarding steps you should take before going for sole custody. I suggest you really consider them.


Trust me I do mind my own business. If a poster on this forum talks negatively about their partner's ex it doesn't mean they harbour feelings for their ex, are jealous of their new partner or have hard feelings towards their ex. Your post made me lol at work.

Ps. I'm sure there are also lots of judges who are mindful of the level of involvement of each parent over the course of a long status quo, not just the year leading up to their court case.

Oh and one more thing that I haven't shared with the ODF community: my ex is in arrears again. Surprise, surprise. He was supposed to be making an increased CS payment as of June 1st and has not done so. It's almost $1000 as of right now. He didn't make his June daycare payment either. But he's such a great guy who's doing everything right....right?


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  #66 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 05:59 PM
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LF, do you ever wonder why when there are hundreds and hundreds of men registered here that none of them rally around to support you (other than Trinton)? I rarely see anyone who comes to support your posts, your stance or your opinion. Why do you think that might be?
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  #67 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 06:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
1. Have you bought 2 subscriptions to www.ourfamilywizard.com and sent him a copy to use?

2. Have you prepared a draft order for your subsequent court date outlining proper, infrequent, appropriate communication?

3. Do you ignore him or engage?

4. Have you offered a family counselor (or coordinator) to assist you both?

5. Have you prepared a request for a "parallel parenting regime"

These are just some of the suggestions given to you over your time here .. but you just seem to be asking the same questions over and over trying to figure out how to achieve sole custody. The above should be attempted first.


Geez .. here we go with the obsession with his mate. You dont live with them, you have no clue what fuels what. I thought it was money at first? Now his g/f? If I recall you said you feel that she organizes his life too? It certainly couldn't be his love for his kids right? Your posts seep of hard feelings toward your ex, perhaps even some jealousy of his mate. You need to work that out to have a more objective stance.

My opinion is to mind your own business regarding his relationship. When I was fighting for D6, I wonder if my ex pondered all these outrageous things instead of me wanting to be the best dad I could be .. or, a "super dad" as I strive for. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being the best dad possible. It seems to piss you off and that's quite bothersome to me, but whatever.

He wants to be a good dad and be more involved. He wants to be part of the decision making. If he has proof that you have excluded him in decision making then you certainly wont get anywhere near sole in court. Judges are very clever at catching parents manufacture situations where one parent says (no cooperate = me sole?) .. just be mindful of that.

Many mothers on here would kill for their ex to "want" to be more involved, communicate, move closer to the kids school, pay all back CS, etc. I feel like there are so many molehills being turned in to mountains here.


I have 5 good points regarding steps you should take before going for sole custody. I suggest you really consider them.
A few things:

1-Not sure where his and his new girl-friend are in their relationship, but re-marriages and post-divorce relationships have a high failure rate. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 18 months and he sees my son maybe once a week and has never babysat. My priority at this point is to give him predictability, order and connection. Once he's older and his friends take priority I'll be more than willing to merge our three lives but for now, it's not an option. Given what little time we have with our children in an equal time share, I'm quite happy with this decision.

2-Please stop with the 'Wow, you're so lucky because there are so many deadbeats out there! trope. It's like saying, 'Wow, your kids dad may be in ISIS but you're so lucky he's never blown up a car!!'. Why are we always assuming that because the bar is low we should do cartwheels when someone barely touches it?
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  #68 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 08:19 PM
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Originally Posted by SadAndTired View Post
LF, do you ever wonder why when there are hundreds and hundreds of men registered here that none of them rally around to support you (other than Trinton)? I rarely see anyone who comes to support your posts, your stance or your opinion. Why do you think that might be?
I'm not here to be liked, nor to win a popularity contest. It's not my objective at all. I read the details and give my opinions. I've been through it all and contribute whether ppl like it or not. But to answer your question. I think the other males dont want to have to deal too much with the odf possee. (Can you blame them?) I dont mind being a lone rider though. I dont scare easily.

P.S .. I gave some great advice regarding steps to take before seeking sole. What was your advice to the poster in your last post. I may have missed it. Oh yea..none, just trolling around as usual.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-22-2017 at 08:27 PM.
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  #69 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Trust me I do mind my own business. If a poster on this forum talks negatively about their partner's ex it doesn't mean they harbour feelings for their ex, are jealous of their new partner or have hard feelings towards their ex. Your post made me lol at work.
So just to make things clear, your new stance is that your ex only wants to be a good dad now because his new g/f is making (or fueling) him to? Really? Will this be in your affidavit? Is nobody else going to comment on this crap or just hide in the shadows scared of the possee's responses?

Quote:
Ps. I'm sure there are also lots of judges who are mindful of the level of involvement of each parent over the course of a long status quo, not just the year leading up to their court case.
Yes they do .. and the status quo has been that he's been in their life a long time approaching 35-40-50% or whatever already for many years. He shouldn't be disqualified from making parental decisions based on the details given, in my opinion.

Again, his lawyer sent you a formal proposed agreement for 50/50. He PAID his lawyer for this. He was serious. This wasn't an insincere e-mail. Stop beating him into submission, talking about his g/f and be reasonable. I promise it will pay off for the kids in the end. Don't get too influenced by angry, fed up parents here encouraging war. Peace, reasonableness, being resolution-focused and flexible is the name of the game here.

I know you ignored the 5 steps to take before going for sole to try and improve communication (the possee loves to lend a blind eye .. I have great eyesight). Why not try all that first?

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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
He's even learned how to spell properly in the last year.
So unbelievably condescending. You villify and attack so much of his character.

I's funny, if I EVER said things like that about my ex in my threads these same posters would have been ALL over me telling me to give it a rest. It's sooo ridiculous how much it changes when it's a mom typing against a dad, putrid really. Mr.Toronto would have a hay day with this stuff.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-22-2017 at 08:50 PM.
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  #70 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2017, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by ensorcelled View Post
Not sure where his and his new girl-friend are in their relationship, but re-marriages and post-divorce relationships have a high failure rate.
I don't pay much attention to phrases like this unless there are current, reputable stats referenced. And even when they are referenced every situation is markedly different. But, I suppose that means Ange's relationship could end as well. I can tell you that my g/f and I are in it until we're old and gray. Or are we? Life is full of surprises. Gotta love life.

Quote:
Please stop with the 'Wow, you're so lucky because there are so many deadbeats out there! trope.
I'm entitled to my opinion. If you dont like it hit "ignore" pls.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-22-2017 at 08:48 PM.
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