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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2017, 05:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
No horses were harmed during these posts(I love horses .. used to live on a farm).

Id have to go back through her first thread but I understood it as he was asking for equal time but she said no to it and outlined her reasonoing very early on. I believe many posters even told her to call his bluff with him wanting 50/50. But it was a flat out no.

All Im saying is more parents should give it a go before the court wars thing.



Ange seems like shes doing well now and things are starting to settle. Thats great news ... high conflict court stuff is a drag.



The only thing I disagree with is her denying equal access to an equal relationship when she started her first thread .. then coming on now burning him for not wanting 50/50. Lol


LF, just so you are up to speed, when push came to shove he didn't really want 50/50 in the end. Yes he may have spouted off that he was looking for an equal relationship in the beginning but when it got down to actual offers, he didn't want his kids half time because it conflicts with his work schedule. I agreed to just about everything he wanted and took a huge hit in child support. It has just come down to negotiating the summer arrangements now. He was offered week on week off and declined. He wants 3 weeks. Every offer has stated this and that's what he can have. It's just a matter of arranging it around his complicated work schedule.


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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2017, 05:17 PM
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Yes but from the get go she advised he was fishy on the 50/50 and used it as a threat. She always said he wanted it to be on his schedule when he wanted and when she called his bluff it turns out his schedule he wanted was less than 50/50.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2017, 09:16 PM
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Yes but from the get go she advised he was fishy on the 50/50 and used it as a threat. She always said he wanted it to be on his schedule when he wanted and when she called his bluff it turns out his schedule he wanted was less than 50/50.
He wanted to see his kids more .. so he kept asking. I think we should step back and think "hey .. it might be possible he actually might want to see his kids more".

Anyways .. she said no .. thats over now. He wasnt into the court war so hes trying to settle for less.

It would have been nice to see how it would have went if she accepted .. but hey, thats over now. All seems to be going smoothly at the moment which is nice.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-17-2017 at 09:19 PM.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2017, 10:54 PM
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I am pleased to read that you are close to settlement. Congratulations!

LF32 - perhaps in the future the father will come to realize that his work hours need to be modified so he can increase his hours with his children. Sounds to me like the decision is his and his alone to make. He was unwilling to be flexible. One would think that someone who has worked for an employer for a lengthy time could alter work schedule?

I think the father got what he was seeking - paying less money. Money talks. Admirable that the mother let him off the hook for so much but then one has to make sacrifices to end litigation.

IF the father was sincere in his desire to spend more time with his children he could start by being civil and, secondly, alter his work hours. Who knows... maybe he will come around and prove that he is sincere in wanting to spend more time with his children. I don't think it would be too difficult to prove this.
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Old 08-18-2017, 09:15 AM
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LF... I wish you would understand not everyone is you. Not everyone truly wants a 50-50 arrangements with their kids. To some it IS all about money.

My cousin separated from her husband two years ago. They have two kids. Right off the bat he requested 50-50, GREAT! But as soon as Mom agreed he started back tracking. He didn't want a true 50-50 schedule, he wanted to pick and choose his days BUT requested 50-50 on paper.. hmm I wonder why that was? Anyways, they ended up in court over the house, back taxes he owed and a few other financial things. The judge asked about CS... well it turns out if he had 50-50 CS would basically be a wash... Mom didn't care she just wanted this all over with. They got their court order and he was given his 50-50 on paper. No shocker to anyone, but since that last court date back in February he has no once taken all his parenting time. He takes the kids EOW and occasionally a night during the week but it's certainly not the Wed/Thur and EOW that he requested through the court. This was 100% about money to him. Nothing in their court proceedings were about child access or custody. But he did get out of paying $1300 a month in CS by having 50-50 on paper.

You can preach about all dads wanting 50-50 and it being the default all you want but the reality is, it's not always them wanting it because they just want to be equal parents. Had mom fought his 50-50 request she would have won given the ages of the children. Even now she could take him back to court as she has text messages each week of him saying he isn't picking them up.

I'm sure if my cousin came here and said she didn't want to accepted 50-50 because Dad wasn't truly wanting it for an equal relationship you would be spewing the same stuff as you are to Ange but you are wrong. To him and clearly to Angie's ex it WAS about money. Again, not everyone is YOU, not everyone wants an equal relationship.


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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 08-18-2017, 10:27 AM
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I would agree with Bernier - some people use the fight for 50-50 like they do when selling a home in that they ask for more than they really expect to receive as a negotiating tactic. Ask high, receive a low-ball offer and counter somewhere in the middle. Yes this does happen and I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case with Ange who smartly weighed the pros and cons with going to trial which is time-consuming and extremely expensive.

Some people do not want a 50-50 arrangement with their children and are quite content with the EOW arrangement. It doesn't mean they love their children less. Some people's employment, new family, extended family commitments, relocation, etc. makes 50-50 not feasible.
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Old 08-18-2017, 11:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
You can preach about all dads wanting 50-50 and it being the default all you want but the reality is, it's not always them wanting it because they just want to be equal parents.
And you say I twist words? I've never said "all" dads want 50/50 and I restate over and over again that it's not for everybody.
I'm sure there are a few outliers that have ulterior motives

Quote:
I'm sure if my cousin came here and said she didn't want to accepted 50-50 because Dad wasn't truly wanting it for an equal relationship you would be spewing the same stuff as you are to Ange but you are wrong.
It would depend on the history and the details of the case.

Some of you need to give your head a shake and realize we're both right. Some parents do it for money, etc .. and some actually want it. You can pretend Angie's your bestie and you know her case very well, but we can simply go on the details presented. The details suggests an annoying mate but a great dad who did everything in his power to see his kids more. You think you know her ex, his personality and his motives just based on her biased posts?

If a good parent (who's already in the kids lives quite often), is making moves to show they're serious (moving closer to the school, etc), paying all past financial dues, etc ..... why say "NO" to equal parenting when they ask?

Sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt and get out of grumpy odf mode. Some ppl actually love their kids and want to see them more. Believe it or not its not always about money. I find it ludicrous that some posters refuse to allow that he might have actually wanted to be more involved.

I wonder if my ex felt my blitz e-mails (that you guys helped me create) were harassing. She was trying to call all the shots regarding everything and I needed answers .. so yes she had to respond .. and yes Angie did also .. this doesn't make him (or me) a bad father.

You can call it preaching if you want .. but my stance is that if a parent steps up to the plate (mom or dad), let them step up to the plate if there are no huge repercussions or harm for the kids. Money is important in life, everyone thinks about it .. but dont confuse that for innate love one has for their children please. Neither of us should pretend to know her exact case IMO.
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Old 08-18-2017, 12:23 PM
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And you say I twist words? I've never said "all" dads want 50/50 and I restate over and over again that it's not for everybody.

I'm sure there are a few outliers that have ulterior motives





It would depend on the history and the details of the case.



Some of you need to give your head a shake and realize we're both right. Some parents do it for money, etc .. and some actually want it. You can pretend Angie's your bestie and you know her case very well, but we can simply go on the details presented. The details suggests an annoying mate but a great dad who did everything in his power to see his kids more. You think you know her ex, his personality and his motives just based on her biased posts?



If a good parent (who's already in the kids lives quite often), is making moves to show they're serious (moving closer to the school, etc), paying all past financial dues, etc ..... why say "NO" to equal parenting when they ask?



Sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt and get out of grumpy odf mode. Some ppl actually love their kids and want to see them more. Believe it or not its not always about money. I find it ludicrous that some posters refuse to allow that he might have actually wanted to be more involved.



I wonder if my ex felt my blitz e-mails (that you guys helped me create) were harassing. She was trying to call all the shots regarding everything and I needed answers .. so yes she had to respond .. and yes Angie did also .. this doesn't make him (or me) a bad father.



You can call it preaching if you want .. but my stance is that if a parent steps up to the plate (mom or dad), let them step up to the plate if there are no huge repercussions or harm for the kids. Money is important in life, everyone thinks about it .. but dont confuse that for innate love one has for their children please. Neither of us should pretend to know her exact case IMO.[/QUOTE]



Please tell me how Ange's ex stepped up to the plate? Please tell me how you know what his motives were? Please tell me how you know he actually wanted a 50-50 relationship because he felt it was in the kids best interest? You know zero about Ange or her Ex yet you have formed the opinion that she bullied him out of 50-50. Preach LF, preach


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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 08-18-2017, 12:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Please tell me how Ange's ex stepped up to the plate?
1. Asked for an equal relationship (huge first step)
2. Moved closer to the kids school (rearranging his life for the kids)
3. Shall I go on?

Quote:
Please tell me how you know what his motives were?
Please tell me how you do?

Quote:
Please tell me how you know he actually wanted a 50-50 relationship because he felt it was in the kids best interest?
Tell me how you know he "doesn't" want an equal relationship for 100% sure. You go first.

Quote:
You know zero about Ange or her Ex yet you have formed the opinion that she bullied him out of 50-50. Preach LF, preach
Are you and Ange close in real life? How do you "know" you're right? I'm just going on what's written.

Both you and Angie enjoy using the word bully .. please note that I haven't said that here. What I said was he was avoiding big court war. He asked...she said no. That's a fact and in her first thread.
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 08-18-2017, 12:39 PM
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LF you need to go back and reread shit. He was expected to update his child support. He was sent a notice and his response was "no I want 50/50" and then his follow up was "i can make it 50/50 on my terms" (paraphrasing) and when that wasnt good enough he filed court papers.

Did you say to your ex I want kid t-f and every other sunday because thats what works for me? No, you worked out an equal plan. This guy was unreasonable from the get go and there is no argument that is going to change peoples minds.
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