Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2017, 07:30 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 79
ensorcelled has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

OH, the 'She's so CONTROLLING' trope is alive and well. It's thrown around a lot on this board as well. We can go into detail on other tropes but I would just send him a message that says, 'Joe wants to do XYZ for his birthday. I don't have any evidence that you were planning anything or had asked him about his preferences. If I don't hear from you by Friday I am booking the party and extending invites. If you can, it would be wonderful if you can pick up a cake at Costco. Let me know by Oct 1 if this is possible. You, your family and ))) are welcome to join and I know Joe and his friends will have a great time.'
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2017, 09:21 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,754
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

He may also be doing this just to continue his disruptive behaviour through the decisions. What he fails to realize is that judges/mediators see this every day.

When he sends you these emails/texts you can do one of two things:

1. Ignore the "noise" and respond only to the relevant parts in as little words as possible.

2. Respond by pointing out the disrespectful behaviour and request he resend his communication with the irrelevant info taken out. For instance: thank you for this email however I will not entertain any disrespectful comments or statements that are not pertinent to the children. Please resend your request with the unnecessary abuse taken out.

You could also pay the extra for OFW and then live free of his bs. You cant fix stupid though. We read through the ridiculous crap my partners ex states. Her last brief was full of ridiculous accusations against my partner and his lawyer agreed with me that it was simply "noise".
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 08-16-2017, 11:58 AM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,438
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
ETA: and before you object LF32, I would point out in your case your ex feels she knows best when in reality you are the one making proper decisions like making sure your child gets to school.
Agreed. In my experience (and many I've read), there's this gender stereotype when parents separate which depicts a caveman male who can not change a diaper, cook a meal or be on time for school. Unfortunately, many mothers are so blinded by these highly subjective gender stereotypes that they can't fathom that their ex "man" could ever possibly take care of a child on their own without master mom's presence. This is 99% why separated couples dont go 50/50. (whether right away or later). One parent wants to make the other fight for equal access to their offspring in court ... like Ange.

You're correct Rock, my ex now "KNOWS" I make good decisions and I've greatly exceeded her blurred vision of my parenting capabilities. Me not just caveman .. me can parent too! If other mom's followed suit (like my ex) and try out 50/50, more situations would end up like mine (give or take .. I know not all situations are the same and that 50/50 isn't for everyone .. but I bet it's for most). My point is .. you can't say you dont like bananas if you have never tried them. You may end up LOVING them.

If more parents stepped out of the damn warzone for a month and gave 50/50 a shot, more parents would discover what my ex did .. that it works so great and so much stress and background noise gets erased. So good for the kids. I wish more ppl would take off the warpaint and try it .. they'd be pleasantly surprised.

It took a 50/50 relationship for my ex to finally realize that I'm a very good parent.

Moving closer to your kids school, having a great family until waiting for him, etc ... isn't disruptive behavior in my books. Ange makes him sound evil. I see past her writing unfortunately. He's not evil .. he just wants an opportunity to be a good, involved dad. It's not all about money .. the guy paid all his back CS. Does he have to be Ange's best friend? Noooo .. and he doesn't have to be. All this talk about bad communication.... has she sent him OFW yet? No? Why?

For me, the most evil act in the world is denying access to a child that has half your genetics. Even if you have an agreement for say EOW and midweek access, if you've been there forf years and feel that more access would benefit the kids and the family ... why not? Acces should not be denied when there' no good reason for denying it ... which is why this particular case has turned my stomach.

This isn't a hardened criminal just getting out of prison for manslaughter. This is a loving father who's already there almost 50%. The problem here is that Angie is still pissed about her past relationship with him and simply doesn't get a long with him .. starting thread after thread asking how to disallow him more access to his kids. He's a DAD....he's already in their life a lot ... stop denying him more access .. geez. lol

I know what the problem seems to be here ... but we'll leave it at that before a mob of mom's attack me (DUCK). lol

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-16-2017 at 12:11 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 08-16-2017, 12:18 PM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,438
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I am so tired of the harassing emails.
We have given you a healthy array of advice regarding this. Have you taken it? Harassment? Have you gotten a restraining order?

Quote:
If we do reach a deal and write up a new agreement on consent - can I demand that parallel parenting be put into place and our family wizard etc?
Don't "DEMAND" anything (poor choice of words) .. yikes.

What you do is make an offer with that. Make a list of why/how it will benefit the kids in the end. I'd make up a draft order (I was a boy scout in court) .. and have the judge order all that anyways. (OFW, etc)

So is the agreement that you're about to accept 50/50 by chance?
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 08-16-2017, 12:26 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 79
ensorcelled has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post


For me, the most evil act in the world is denying access to a child that has half your genetics. Even if you have an agreement for say EOW and midweek access, if you've been there forf years and feel that more access would benefit the kids and the family ... why not? Acces should not be denied when there' no good reason for denying it ... which is why this particular case has turned my stomach.

This isn't a hardened criminal just getting out of prison for manslaughter. This is a loving father who's already there almost 50%. The problem here is that Angie is still pissed about her past relationship with him and simply doesn't get a long with him .. starting thread after thread asking how to disallow him more access to his kids. He's a DAD....he's already in their life a lot ... stop denying him more access .. geez. lol

I know what the problem seems to be here ... but we'll leave it at that before a mob of mom's attack me (DUCK). lol
Just because you scrambled your DNA with someone, doesn't entitle you (or them) to anything. Much less your all-or-nothing 50%

Just because someone isn't Paul Bernardo, doesn't mean they should be denied it either. There are many, many configurations of parenting plans and no family is similar to the other in which one is best for them.

FWIW, shared parenting is defined as minimum of 35% access:Definition of Equally Shared Parenting ? Leading Women for Shared Parenting

(and yes, I'm a member of Leading Women for Shared Parenting although the title is a bit weird- I'm not a leader in anything! We are currently looking to open a Canadian chapter- if interested).
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2017, 10:37 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 327
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
We have given you a healthy array of advice regarding this. Have you taken it? Harassment? Have you gotten a restraining order?


Don't "DEMAND" anything (poor choice of words) .. yikes.

What you do is make an offer with that. Make a list of why/how it will benefit the kids in the end. I'd make up a draft order (I was a boy scout in court) .. and have the judge order all that anyways. (OFW, etc)

So is the agreement that you're about to accept 50/50 by chance?


I guess you missed the memo on that. He doesn't want 50/50. That was all just bluster and bluffing. The new agreement still puts him under 40%. I know you'll automatically assume I "bullied" him into it but that isn't the case. He made it clear to all that he's only interested in having his kids on his days off from work. This is why he can't do 50/50 or even get to 40%. God forbid he'd have to parent when working like the majority of parents, and I'm sure yourself included.

He got just about all of what he was asking and gets to chop almost 500$ off his child support. I could've argued that he owes full table at this arrangement (he does) but I don't want to spend my children's money on court. So I just have to take the deal.
Still some holiday stuff to work out but looks close to settling.
Our family wizard? Yes I have most certainly insisted that in a case like ours it is necessary. I think most people who have been following my case would be able to predict exactly what he said to that. But I'll spell it out for you I case you can't figure it out: he doesn't want to pay for it. Always about the $$$$.
I am insisting it be in the new agreement anyway. We'll see how that goes....




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2017, 12:29 PM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,438
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ensorcelled View Post
Just because you scrambled your DNA with someone, doesn't entitle you (or them) to anything. Much less your all-or-nothing 50%
50/50 surely isn't all or nothing. I'm very much against equal parenting if one parent can not for whatever reason meet the criteria or tests that are in place to test their "ability to parent".

Quote:
Originally Posted by ensorcelled View Post
Just because someone isn't Paul Bernardo, doesn't mean they should be denied it either. There are many, many configurations of parenting plans and no family is similar to the other in which one is best for them.
100% agree. If you look through my posts I always recognize and state that 50/50 isn't for everyone.

I'm cognizant that one doesn't have to be Paul Bernardo to be disqualified from equal regimes, however, if the complaint is that the ex send annoying e-mails or assumptions that they just want money .. isn't (or shouldn't) be enough to disqualify them for 50/50 either.

To say that one's parenting skills are not adequate enough to engage in equal parenting is very bold and certain criteria/tests must be met to prove on a balance of probabilities that their ability to parent is compromised.

Parents who have been in the child's life already lingering around 35-45%, who are taking steps to improve life for the kids (i.e - moving closer to their school), etc probably won't meet those tests unless it greatly disrupted the lives of the kids .. which it wouldn't in many cases.

So no .. you dont have to be Paul Bernardo to lose 50/50 .. but you don't have to be a perfect man to achieve it either. In this particular case, her ex sound like an annoying mate/co parent, but a good dad who wants to be as involved as much as possible with his kids.

Quote:
(and yes, I'm a member of Leading Women for Shared Parenting although the title is a bit weird- I'm not a leader in anything! We are currently looking to open a Canadian chapter- if interested).
That's incredible. I admire your initiative. I would be interested also.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-17-2017 at 12:39 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2017, 12:37 PM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,438
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I guess you missed the memo on that. He doesn't want 50/50. That was all just bluster and bluffing. The new agreement still puts him under 40%.
Bluffing? He asked you for 50/50 many times and you kept turning him down. Why didn't you give him a chance?

Quote:
He made it clear to all that he's only interested in having his kids on his days off from work. This is why he can't do 50/50 or even get to 40%. God forbid he'd have to parent when working like the majority of parents, and I'm sure yourself included.
He asked you for 50/50 many times. So he had a plan in place, including a girlfriend whom you even stated was close with the kids.

God forbid you would actually give him a chance to be an equal parent when he was begging you. Next time my daughter asks for a cookie over and over again I'll tell her no, then say she didn't want it.
Quote:
But I'll spell it out for you I case you can't figure it out: he doesn't want to pay for it. Always about the $$$$.
I am insisting it be in the new agreement anyway. We'll see how that goes....
You don't have to spell it out for me. But I would like to reiterate what I, and other posters here have suggested, and that's paying for the subscriptions yourself and sending him a copy.
Reply With Quote
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2017, 01:13 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,754
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Bluffing? He asked you for 50/50 many times and you kept turning him down. Why didn't you give him a chance?


He asked you for 50/50 many times. So he had a plan in place, including a girlfriend whom you even stated was close with the kids.

God forbid you would actually give him a chance to be an equal parent when he was begging you. Next time my daughter asks for a cookie over and over again I'll tell her no, then say she didn't want it.

You don't have to spell it out for me. But I would like to reiterate what I, and other posters here have suggested, and that's paying for the subscriptions yourself and sending him a copy.


LF32, if he wanted 50/50 he would have gone for it. Ange has been willing and able to negotiate through this process INCLUDING reducing table support when she has kids more than half the time.

Stop beating the dead horse. Dead horses feed trolls.
Reply With Quote
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2017, 04:00 PM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,438
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
LF32, if he wanted 50/50 he would have gone for it. Ange has been willing and able to negotiate through this process INCLUDING reducing table support when she has kids more than half the time.

Stop beating the dead horse. Dead horses feed trolls.
No horses were harmed during these posts(I love horses .. used to live on a farm).
Id have to go back through her first thread but I understood it as he was asking for equal time but she said no to it and outlined her reasonoing very early on. I believe many posters even told her to call his bluff with him wanting 50/50. But it was a flat out no.
All Im saying is more parents should give it a go before the court wars thing.

Ange seems like shes doing well now and things are starting to settle. Thats great news ... high conflict court stuff is a drag.

The only thing I disagree with is her denying equal access to an equal relationship when she started her first thread .. then coming on now burning him for not wanting 50/50. Lol
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 2 (1 members and 1 guests)
LovingFather32
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Joint versus sole custody..same thing? firhill Divorce & Family Law 12 08-06-2013 01:51 PM
Have Sole Custody - Offer on the Table to Settle Fully but With Joint Custody momto3 Divorce & Family Law 14 06-19-2013 01:13 PM
Weight of Settlement Conference Recommendations - Sole Custody vs. Joint Custody momto3 Divorce & Family Law 12 08-31-2012 11:47 AM
Joint custody - questions & answers (US) first timer Parenting Issues 0 03-19-2011 11:07 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:54 PM.