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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #101 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2017, 11:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I am concerned that if I go ahead with even minor decisions, having the opposite opinion, that I am just giving him more fuel for the "she doesn't consult me" argument he thinks he has.
Document all forms of communication and consultations. One thing I learned is document "everything"! When he goes to court saying you never consult him you'll have your exhibits set. I use Certified email with delivery receipts, silent tracking, proof-of-opening history, security and timestamps. to show that ex read it.

Quote:
For example, he just told me that I "wasn't allowed" to get our daughter's hair dyed (even though it's just the ends of her hair and she's almost 10).
He's starting to sound like my ex. I had my D6's hair trimmed (barely anything) and my ex went off the lid and included it in her materials. It didn't look good on her at all. Fluff .. document and ignore (D&I).

Quote:
Every fibre of my being believes this should be my daughter's decision and I should just book the appointment, except then I think I should probably not give him any opportunity to compile more "evidence" for court.
So let him. Judges will see through it if it has nothing.

i.e:
"She didn't consult me"
"Exhibit A: 6 instances of consultation via e-mail".

I still don't get why he's so worried about losing decision making, does he think you're going for sole? Either way, let him case build, he'll seem unreasonable. When I was building a case I had a reason. I was on here trying to locate my abducted daughter and my ex made every second of my life as unbearable as possible. Your ex shouldn't have a reason to case build so much. You've reduced his CS, he doesn't want 50/50 .. He thinks you want sole it would seem, and doesn't want to lose decision-making.

Quote:
It really sucks for my daughter, as she'll be super disappointed to have her dad squash the idea she's been so excited to try.
Are you joking? Go put dye in her hair and watch him piss the judge off with it later like my ex did. You're letting him in to your head, kick him out. Be a parent, and a fun one.

Quote:
If court wasn't on the line, I'd just get it done.
It may actually help your case if he enters the courtroom ranting about hair dye that your daughter wants. If he causes trouble about that the judge may postulate that medical/education may be worse.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-25-2017 at 12:20 AM.
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  #102 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2017, 08:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Document all forms of communication and consultations. One thing I learned is document "everything"! When he goes to court saying you never consult him you'll have your exhibits set. I use Certified email with delivery receipts, silent tracking, proof-of-opening history, security and timestamps. to show that ex read it.


He's starting to sound like my ex. I had my D6's hair trimmed (barely anything) and my ex went off the lid and included it in her materials. It didn't look good on her at all. Fluff .. document and ignore (D&I).


So let him. Judges will see through it if it has nothing.

i.e:
"She didn't consult me"
"Exhibit A: 6 instances of consultation via e-mail".

I still don't get why he's so worried about losing decision making, does he think you're going for sole? Either way, let him case build, he'll seem unreasonable. When I was building a case I had a reason. I was on here trying to locate my abducted daughter and my ex made every second of my life as unbearable as possible. Your ex shouldn't have a reason to case build so much. You've reduced his CS, he doesn't want 50/50 .. He thinks you want sole it would seem, and doesn't want to lose decision-making.


Are you joking? Go put dye in her hair and watch him piss the judge off with it later like my ex did. You're letting him in to your head, kick him out. Be a parent, and a fun one.


It may actually help your case if he enters the courtroom ranting about hair dye that your daughter wants. If he causes trouble about that the judge may postulate that medical/education may be worse.


What is with parents and the whole hair thing? My step daughters hair is a mess... she needs it trimmed and shaped, right now she just looks silly... but she is dead set against dad taking her because "mom will be mad" "mom says you can't take me to cut my hair" "we have to ask mom" it is the silliest thing to try and be controlling over. We are taking her this weekend because mom has said all summer she was going to take her and hasn't. D9 wants it cut and out of her face but thinks mom will be mad.

Decisions like this don't really require consent. Go get your daughters hair done. Would he freak out if you got her nails painted? It's about controlling YOU and the only way you can stop that control is to stop worrying about what he "might" use against you.


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  #103 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2017, 09:15 AM
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  #104 (permalink)  
Old 08-25-2017, 09:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Document all forms of communication and consultations. One thing I learned is document "everything"! When he goes to court saying you never consult him you'll have your exhibits set. I use Certified email with delivery receipts, silent tracking, proof-of-opening history, security and timestamps. to show that ex read it.


He's starting to sound like my ex. I had my D6's hair trimmed (barely anything) and my ex went off the lid and included it in her materials. It didn't look good on her at all. Fluff .. document and ignore (D&I).


So let him. Judges will see through it if it has nothing.

i.e:
"She didn't consult me"
"Exhibit A: 6 instances of consultation via e-mail".

I still don't get why he's so worried about losing decision making, does he think you're going for sole? Either way, let him case build, he'll seem unreasonable. When I was building a case I had a reason. I was on here trying to locate my abducted daughter and my ex made every second of my life as unbearable as possible. Your ex shouldn't have a reason to case build so much. You've reduced his CS, he doesn't want 50/50 .. He thinks you want sole it would seem, and doesn't want to lose decision-making.


Are you joking? Go put dye in her hair and watch him piss the judge off with it later like my ex did. You're letting him in to your head, kick him out. Be a parent, and a fun one.


It may actually help your case if he enters the courtroom ranting about hair dye that your daughter wants. If he causes trouble about that the judge may postulate that medical/education may be worse.


Does the other person know you are using the read notify program?

I will have the "Exhibit A" consultation examples ready and waiting if needed. I sure have them. I could also show a few examples of him not consulting with me, one being a major medical decision he made unilaterally (stopping his son's medication).

It's easy to have your mind play out scenarios both positive and negative when thinking about how this would go down in court. I want to be able to decide the day to day things myself. And believe me I have my concerns about his decisions - I've never said anything to him about letting our son ride in the front seat of the car or letting the kids bounce on the un-netted trampoline in his yard. His house, his rules, I figure....even though I think both are stupid. Maybe I should say something but I just can't stand the drama.


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  #105 (permalink)  
Old 08-27-2017, 08:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Does the other person know you are using the read notify program?

I will have the "Exhibit A" consultation examples ready and waiting if needed. I sure have them. I could also show a few examples of him not consulting with me, one being a major medical decision he made unilaterally (stopping his son's medication).

It's easy to have your mind play out scenarios both positive and negative when thinking about how this would go down in court. I want to be able to decide the day to day things myself. And believe me I have my concerns about his decisions - I've never said anything to him about letting our son ride in the front seat of the car or letting the kids bounce on the un-netted trampoline in his yard. His house, his rules, I figure....even though I think both are stupid. Maybe I should say something but I just can't stand the drama.


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No, I dont think she knows that I used it. I dont anymore. I only used readnotify when she was claiming she wasn't receiving an e-mail.

Quote:
I could also show a few examples of him not consulting with me, one being a major medical decision he made unilaterally (stopping his son's medication).
What was his reasoning for stopping medication? Were their some adverse reactions or something? Did he consult with the Dr. at least?

Quote:
I want to be able to decide the day to day things myself.
So you're leaning towards filing for sole custody?

Do yourself a favor and go through those 5 steps I posted earlier if that's your objective. That way in court you can show the judge that you tried everything and joint custody is in fact impossible with this man. The one thing that may not be on your side is that your kids have been thriving all these years, which is a good indicator that the joint may be working despite glitches and annoyances.

I have a big trampoline in my back yard but of course its fully netted. That didn't stop D6 from fracturing her leg from landing wrong one time. My ex had an entire affidavit about it and the judge barely even looked at it. Kids play .. kids get hurt. (Having said that he should really put some netting up .. kind of common sense).

Quote:
Maybe I should say something but I just can't stand the drama.
Drama sucks. Life is too short. Don't join his soap opera and live your life. Dye your child's hair, have fun, laugh, play .. and ignore anyone trying to rain on your parade.
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  #106 (permalink)  
Old 08-28-2017, 09:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I don't pay much attention to phrases like this unless there are current, reputable stats referenced. And even when they are referenced every situation is markedly different. But, I suppose that means Ange's relationship could end as well. I can tell you that my g/f and I are in it until we're old and gray. Or are we? Life is full of surprises. Gotta love life.


I'm entitled to my opinion. If you dont like it hit "ignore" pls.

Google Scholar is your friend: https://scholar.google.ca/scholar?q=...0%2C5&as_vis=1

https://scholar.google.ca/scholar?q=...0%2C5&as_vis=1

To that second point - do you want to spew your opinion or actual facts? You can't have it both ways in the same post!
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  #107 (permalink)  
Old 08-28-2017, 10:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ensorcelled View Post
Google Scholar is your friend: https://scholar.google.ca/scholar?q=...0%2C5&as_vis=1

https://scholar.google.ca/scholar?q=...0%2C5&as_vis=1

To that second point - do you want to spew your opinion or actual facts? You can't have it both ways in the same post!
I generally don't trust .ca or .com stats. I trust .gov .edu, etc. I also rely on reputable peer-reviewed academic journals with studies that have been replicated over and over again over cross cultural and longitudinal studies. The only .com source I quote from is psychology today and it's because I'm an avid reader and can back up their facts through the studies they cite.

Having said that, I know 3 couples off the top of my head that have turned old and gray with their second partner (after marriage), so even if I did find reputable sources and studies (Not google), I wouldn't take them seriously due to the extremely different dynamics and differences between each couple.

P.S: We were getting on track in this thread, so please take the trolling elsewhere, you just made yourself look quite silly with your google searches.

Also, your references are very old. 2002, 2008, etc. Get with the times, we're 2017.

Furthermore: https://www.kcl.ac.uk/library/resear...lescholar.aspx

Quote:
Should you use Google Scholar for citation analysis?

Can you trust it?

The problem - no quality control:
Google Scholar crawls the web for 'scholarly content' but without defining this or which sites it uses or misses.
Results may include promotional sites, table of contents pages and course reading lists for example. So:
- citing publications may not be 'scholarly'
- the results may still be incomplete - publications not crawled, or not be online.
Citing publications data are not reliable - citing publications are sometimes found which pre-date the publication they are claimed to cite.
Multiple versions of the same publication can be found - splitting the citation count. [Google Scholar Citations and the software/add-ins (see below) - can help with this]
Stick to recent peer academic journals that have been replicated cross culturally, longitudinal, etc that have a high level of reliability and validity.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-28-2017 at 10:18 AM.
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  #108 (permalink)  
Old 08-28-2017, 10:26 AM
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Do you have access to Jstor? I can send you some links to that. Many of the studies cited in Google Scholar are cross-cited in Jstor but I agree it can seem outdated but the failure rate of second marriages and post-divorce relationships started with the Boomers and has been consistent in subsequent generations. It's worse for families trying to blend kids from two different families.

Your 'trolling' trope would be effective if you actually used the search engine in google scholar and came up with counter-arguments / studies but I'm sure your personal anecdotes are much better and reliable than social science and academic journals.
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  #109 (permalink)  
Old 08-28-2017, 10:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ensorcelled View Post
Do you have access to Jstor? I can send you some links to that. Many of the studies cited in Google Scholar are cross-cited in Jstor but I agree it can seem outdated but the failure rate of second marriages and post-divorce relationships started with the Boomers and has been consistent in subsequent generations. It's worse for families trying to blend kids from two different families.
Quote:
Your 'trolling' trope would be effective if you actually used the search engine in google scholar and came up with counter-arguments
I don't believe I ever made the argument that second relationships are all victorious. If I did please tell me where. So I dont really have anything to back up .. I never made such claims. All I'm saying is not to generalize these results to everybody. What's the divorce rate now-a-days? 1st marriages arn't faring too well either and the rate of single person households is through the roof right now.

Just because you typed in to google doesn't mean I will break up, doesn't mean Ange will or her ex with their mates. I'm positive that you're cognizant of that though. I'm actually not quite sure what your point is. We're discussing a crappy ex who likes to control and whine and helping a poster think about joint vs. sole. If you want to start another thread about second marriages feel free.
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  #110 (permalink)  
Old 08-28-2017, 10:45 AM
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By the way, a huge variable to the dissolution of second marriages is "AGE".

Do we trust stats canada? (Even though it's a .ca?)http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/11-008-...eng.htm#second

Quote:
At the time of the GSS, about 1.3 million of them (71%) were still married to their second spouse of almost 13 years. There are good reasons for believing that these marriages will continue to be successful. American research suggests that remarriages made after age 40 are more stable than first marriages.14 And the hazard model predicts that, all other factors being controlled for, Canadians who were in their 40s when they remarried face only half as great a risk of marital dissolution as those who were under 30. Even those who remarried in their 30s have a 27% lower risk of breaking up.
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