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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #91 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 05:59 PM
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Argh .. I was ready to stop talking about this but apparently you are not.

So he never asked for 50/50:

So what's this?

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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I have a hard time just saying here have your kids 50/50 after what he's been doing to me.
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
In my case, the status quo is 65-35 custody which ex wants increased to 50-50 now after 8 years. I am opposed (for many reasons) and wondering if the sibling in the picture will mean anything to my case.
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Even if I did agree to 50-50, why should he have the luxury of parenting when he isn't working when it wouldn't be the same for me?
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I have a problem with him suddenly wanting his kids 50-50 after 8 years of this arrangement.
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I don't want him to have any more access than he has.
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I have lots of people in my life who have seen all the crap going on and don't think 50-50 will be good for the kids.
Thats why my mind was blown when everyone mocked him for not asking for 50/50. He's been refused so many times for so many reasons.

Now of course we dont have the dad here to say "JESUS..of course I wanted 50/50, but she has the damn status quo and wont give it to me and I cant afford to pay a trial and costs. I even packed up and moved closer to thweir school to prove myself. She thinks I only want to see my kids because my g/f is telling me to, its ridiculous. I asked her over and over and even had my lawyer send a friggen letter that cost me money regarding 50/50..she just wont budge".

All I'm saying is that it's VERY clear that he "did" want 50/50. You "did not" want him to have it.

He's given up on the 50/50 thing now, I get that. But you sure as hell wouldn't have accepted it at any stage given your remarks above. That's all I had an issue with given the details of your case.

Back to the topic to keep things relevant. What are your plans regarding the communication piece? I think the subsequent step should entail very strict clauses placed in a draft order about this.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-23-2017 at 06:07 PM.
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  #92 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2017, 07:34 PM
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January of this year - first post:

" am new to this site and looking for some advice on my situation. My ex agreed 8 years ago to give me 70-30 custody of our two kids. We divorced officially 4 years ago and signed a deal that was pretty good child support wise for him and kept the 70-30 custody arrangement. The support payment agreement expired in march of last year but he did not make the required increase. I then received a proposed new agreement from his lawyer suggesting he get 50-50, not pay for daycare anymore, pay about 1000$ less a month etc. I feel this is all fuelled by his desire to save money rather than actuallly see his kids more..."

relevant? - me thinks so.

- she hasn't refused him increased access over the years. If she had he would certainly have stated that in his submissions.
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Old 08-24-2017, 09:24 AM
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Ange to try and stay on topic... joint decisions only matter on major decisions... the day to day stuff does not need dad's consent. Unless you plan on switching religions, changing schools or having major medical work done there really is nothing to discuss with Dad in regards to joint custody. You want to cut your kids hair go for it, but be aware Dad can do the same. Kids need a dental check up? Email Dad and let him know when the appointment is, of Dad can't make it and would like to reschedule for when Dad can.

Any of the other demands or nasty emails he sends forget about. Remember it takes two to argue.

I also would strongly consider how you word the holidays and summer vacation. Most holidays alternate every year, for summer I would say that in even years dad gets to pick his weeks first but cannot extend more than 14 consecutive days... in odd years you pick first, same stipulations. Summer holidays have to be picked by March 1 each year.

It it best to everything outlined in black and white, right down to times. Maybe as the years go by you both will be more flexible but having a clear cut agreement is best at this point


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  #94 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2017, 10:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
January of this year - first post:

" am new to this site and looking for some advice on my situation. My ex agreed 8 years ago to give me 70-30 custody of our two kids. We divorced officially 4 years ago and signed a deal that was pretty good child support wise for him and kept the 70-30 custody arrangement. The support payment agreement expired in march of last year but he did not make the required increase. I then received a proposed new agreement from his lawyer suggesting he get 50-50, not pay for daycare anymore, pay about 1000$ less a month etc. I feel this is all fuelled by his desire to save money rather than actuallly see his kids more..."

relevant? - me thinks so.

- she hasn't refused him increased access over the years. If she had he would certainly have stated that in his submissions.
Oh I didn't say over the years Arabian. I know he asked for 50/50 more recently.

I just found it hilarious that he asked for an equal relationship, was rejected it .. only to be made fun of for not requesting it again at the CC, etc.

I do see the coincidences of course, (Child Support etc) but I have faith in humanity that not all dads are money hungry pieces of sh$t. For me, him paying all his arrears then moving closer to the childrens school really opened my eyes to the true situation. Piece of shit dads or deadbeats dont make those 2 moves. MrToronto would agree (damn I miss that guy)

Now suddenly it's not the money that motivates him Arabian .. now Ange says he only wants to be a good dad because his new g/f is making him? Are you guys supporting this? What next? Will a mythical creature fly down from the clouds and possess the father that he wants to see his kids? Blows my mind how it cant just be that a father loves his kids.

All I'm saying is he wanted 50/50 .. and she didn't want him to have it. (Not over the 8 years .. thats not what I meant). But one thing is a fact .. he asked for an equal relationship with his children via a formal lawyer proposed agreement letter and she said "No". SO dont mock the guy for not asking for it anymore...he got his answer. That's all Im saying.

She started this thread discussing communication issues and sole Vs joint. I gave her some great advice as others have (5 great steps) .. but she'd rather talk about his spelling, his g/f .. basically anything except the topic she started.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-24-2017 at 10:23 AM.
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  #95 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2017, 11:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Oh I didn't say over the years Arabian. I know he asked for 50/50 more recently.

I just found it hilarious that he asked for an equal relationship, was rejected it .. only to be made fun of for not requesting it again at the CC, etc.

I do see the coincidences of course, (Child Support etc) but I have faith in humanity that not all dads are money hungry pieces of sh$t. For me, him paying all his arrears then moving closer to the childrens school really opened my eyes to the true situation. Piece of shit dads or deadbeats dont make those 2 moves. MrToronto would agree (damn I miss that guy)

Now suddenly it's not the money that motivates him Arabian .. now Ange says he only wants to be a good dad because his new g/f is making him? Are you guys supporting this? What next? Will a mythical creature fly down from the clouds and possess the father that he wants to see his kids? Blows my mind how it cant just be that a father loves his kids.

All I'm saying is he wanted 50/50 .. and she didn't want him to have it. (Not over the 8 years .. thats not what I meant). But one thing is a fact .. he asked for an equal relationship with his children via a formal lawyer proposed agreement letter and she said "No". SO dont mock the guy for not asking for it anymore...he got his answer. That's all Im saying.

She started this thread discussing communication issues and sole Vs joint. I gave her some great advice as others have (5 great steps) .. but she'd rather talk about his spelling, his g/f .. basically anything except the topic she started.


Can you please show where he sent a formal offer to settle? It seems his lawyer sent a letter with bullet points that suggested they move towards 50-50? Didn't you receive many letters from your ex lawyers that suggested you only have limited access? Those letters were not formal, they were suggesting what your ex wanted. When she finally received an actual offer or negotiation it wasn't 50-50


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  #96 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2017, 12:57 PM
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flogging_a_dead_horse

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Flogging a dead horse (alternatively beating a dead horse, or beating a dead dog in some parts of the Anglophone world) is an idiom that means to continue a particular endeavour that is a waste of time as the outcome is already decided.
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  #97 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2017, 01:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Can you please show where he sent a formal offer to settle? It seems his lawyer sent a letter with bullet points that suggested they move towards 50-50? Didn't you receive many letters from your ex lawyers that suggested you only have limited access? Those letters were not formal, they were suggesting what your ex wanted. When she finally received an actual offer or negotiation it wasn't 50-50
He asked for an equal relationship. She said no. Done.

So whats she doing about this communication issue? She pretends to come to get advice. I offered 5 good steps No beating of horse there. Oh yea .. anything relevant gets ignored.
Resume the dad bashing. Fun stuff.
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  #98 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2017, 01:04 PM
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  #99 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2017, 09:09 PM
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Lol .. love it.
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  #100 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2017, 11:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Ange to try and stay on topic... joint decisions only matter on major decisions... the day to day stuff does not need dad's consent. Unless you plan on switching religions, changing schools or having major medical work done there really is nothing to discuss with Dad in regards to joint custody. You want to cut your kids hair go for it, but be aware Dad can do the same. Kids need a dental check up? Email Dad and let him know when the appointment is, of Dad can't make it and would like to reschedule for when Dad can.

Any of the other demands or nasty emails he sends forget about. Remember it takes two to argue.

I also would strongly consider how you word the holidays and summer vacation. Most holidays alternate every year, for summer I would say that in even years dad gets to pick his weeks first but cannot extend more than 14 consecutive days... in odd years you pick first, same stipulations. Summer holidays have to be picked by March 1 each year.

It it best to everything outlined in black and white, right down to times. Maybe as the years go by you both will be more flexible but having a clear cut agreement is best at this point


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I agree completely. It needs to be very black and white because it's too volatile otherwise.

Wrt the joint custody decisions - unfortunately he has been opposing every single thing he possibly can. I am concerned that if I go ahead with even minor decisions, having the opposite opinion, that I am just giving him more fuel for the "she doesn't consult me" argument he thinks he has. For example, he just told me that I "wasn't allowed" to get our daughter's hair dyed (even though it's just the ends of her hair and she's almost 10). Every fibre of my being believes this should be my daughter's decision and I should just book the appointment, except then I think I should probably not give him any opportunity to compile more "evidence" for court. It really sucks for my daughter, as she'll be super disappointed to have her dad squash the idea she's been so excited to try. If court wasn't on the line, I'd just get it done.

And so he gets what he wants by controlling the situation.


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