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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-14-2014, 12:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FamilyGuy View Post
Believe me, she cannot properly raise a child. She told me she plays with dolls pretending they are children. That's not at all normal, and is one of the reasons I distanced myself from her. Unfortunately, too late.
Well in family law, as with criminal law, one is 'supposed' to be innocent until proven guilty. Although as a father, your instincts are telling you that she would 'probably' not be a responsible parent. Problem is there's nothing you can do about your gut feelings until she has actually neglected the child and social services have been alerted to the problem.

Having said that, is she taking drugs or doing anything that would seriously endanger the baby's health? If that were the case you'd have a better chance of getting some kind of intervention with social services.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:24 AM
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That's unnecessary, arabian. Agreed inappropriate and regretful, but nothing illegal and certainly didn't seek it out. The issue at hand is the best interest of the fetus and then newborn child.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:27 AM
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Good points Janibel. As I mentioned, I have a very good record of our chats and after rereading the over 12,000 of them, there is a lot that shows he inability to even care for herself, let alone a child. So I do have evidence. I just don't know how I can use it. And no, she is not taking drugs, although I do think she might be drinking socially. But I have no way of knowing and is pur speculation. ALl the other stuff though I have the evidence.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:43 AM
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I think that Arabian made a valid suggestion concerning the option of giving the child up for adoption - especially if you consider the fact that you are already involved in a divorce process with a child custody situation.

You have a lot of stress in store for the future - child support issues and shared parenting? Do you really want to have to deal with an Ex wife and this other woman with 'so-called' mental problems for another 18 years or so? Think about it ....
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:48 AM
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I'm sure. I will be raising that child. I just need advice on how to proceed. I thought this would be a good forum to get that advice. I guess I'll do what I thought I need to do and prepare a report for children's aid so that they can intervene at birth. It's the only thing I can think of. I am certain that I have enough evidence to prove she cannot raise a child and I am a great father. My divorce is final. I do have a parenting plan in place for my 4 year old son. That is a non-issue. Thanks for your help.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:57 AM
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Make the paternity test your priority.
Good luck to you
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Old 04-14-2014, 05:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FamilyGuy View Post
I'm not sure how our age difference has anything to do with the best interest of the child. I did nothing illegal, although I do concede I feel it was inappropriate. As I mentioned, I was going through a divorce and she gave me attention when I wanted it during that time. I'm a little confused how it would go bad for me based on that fact. But truly don't know and appreciate your expertise.

I'd be more than happy to take a dna test, but my concern is for the child even in teh womb, let alone after it is born. She is sleeping in an attic with an 11 year old girl. There's gotta be something I can do before then. No?
No, nothing you can do while she's pregnant, you have no legal rights over her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FamilyGuy View Post
Thank you Janibel. I do agree that I think my biggest obstacle is the fact that she has cut me out. She has done that because she wants to keep the child. Believe me, she cannot properly raise a child. She told me she plays with dolls pretending they are children. That's not at all normal, and is one of the reasons I distanced myself from her. Unfortunately, too late.
So she lives with an 11 year old (sister...?) and plays with dolls. It's not illegal - and it's how many high schools teach kids to care for babies!

You can't remove a baby from it's mother simply because you suspect that 'something isn't right with her'. There needs to be actual proof that she is unfit, which you don't have, and likely will have a difficult time getting as you barely know her so aren't likely to be included in her life. Right now, all you have is a pregnant teenager whose baby you think is likely yours and a bunch of chat/text messages.

She could turn out to be a wonderful mother, you have no idea. But you don't have the right to deny her simply because you *think* she won't.
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Old 04-14-2014, 07:50 AM
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If you're going to build a case the way to go about it is to:

-Start a court application laying out what you are seeking and schedule a case conference
-Send/File several fair offers to settle the matter out of court
-If you do end up needing to appear before a judge, the way to win the battle is to focus on yourself as a parent. Show why YOU should have custody rather than why you think the other person isn't as good as you.
-Your thoughts, feelings and assessments of the other person are not relevant. Emotional reasoning is not relevant. Only the cut and dry facts of the situation matter.
-One way to do so is to ask the courts to appoint an OCL worker to do a custody assessment and advise the judge.
-Unless the child is in immediate danger (drugs, homeless, violence) then calling the CAS is not a wise idea. Even if there are problems, the CAS will take the time to do an investigation and she will be given a lot of chances and options before the child would be removed.
-Know that as a man this is an uphill battle, many of the workers in these organizations do not view fathers as equal parents no matter how you present your case.
-I hope you have a lot of money, say $100,000, on hand to see you through this matter.
-I would suggest your first step is to contact a family law lawyer who offers a free 30 min consultation to discuss your situation, what you want, and how they may be able to help you. I don't think social workers are going to be a useful first point of contact.

Most of all, good luck. I wouldn't want to be in your situation at all.
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Old 04-14-2014, 10:27 AM
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Ohhh FamilyGuy,

I fear you may be somewhat naive. Do you actually no she is pregnant? Have you seen test results? You don't 100% know she is yours. You stated she had no time to get pregant because of your lengthy chats?? Surely you can't believe that. It takes very little time to get pregnant. Good on you for wanting to take responsibility for a child however, as someone else stated...desperate people do desperate things.
DNA test!
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Old 04-14-2014, 10:37 AM
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I would second Takeontheworld. Given the circumstances one of the things I would ask for in court early on is a paternity test if one isn't being offered.

One thing you should know is that anything in family law takes an extremely long time. If you don't start this process of asserting your rights soon, the child may be 2 years old before you see him/her.
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