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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 04-13-2014, 11:36 PM
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Default She's pregnant, we're separated

She's 19 with some kind of psychological disorder. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm 100% certain there is something not right with her. We were never really together. I was going through a divorce and she gave me attention when I needed it. I am concerned that she is not properly taking care of herself. I mean, I tried to even get her to take a test and she wouldn't for weeks and weeks. And then, when I tried to get her into a midwife, she refused. I tried to express how important prenatal vitamins are and folic acid, but she didn't seem too interested. She did though indicate that she wanted to keep the baby. When I told her that I intended on raising the child (because she obviously can't - you have to believe me when I say that - I am not just saying that) she cut all forms of communication off and out of her life. So I have no idea how the pregnancy is going or anything.

I don't know what to do.

I understand that I can't start any legal proceedings until the child is born. But how will I know when the child is born? How will I know the name to put in the legal forms? I don't know her birthday. Frankly, I know very little about her.

I am 35 and have a 4 year old son, which I have visitation to 3 days a week. His mother is a good mother. She seems to think she can raise a child but she can't even take care of herself. Fortunately, most of our correspondence was done via chat so I have a very good record of what happened and aside from a lack of judgement in hooking up with her to begin with, it is very damning for her. I won't go into those detail here, but again you'll have to trust me that there is nothing good in there for her. It's all damaging in the sense of her ability to even properly care for herself.

I do intend on seeking custody. I just don't know how to do it with her shutting me out. I have no info and know nothing, except her name. I think the child is supposed to be due in September, October, maybe November.

I am thinking of contacting children's aid for intervention at birth, but is that my only option? Is that even an option?

Can somebody help me? I'd be happy to explain more, if needed.
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Old 04-13-2014, 11:46 PM
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Seems you didn't know her very well before getting her pregnant? her name only? You're 35 and she is still in her teens? If this goes to court - it may well be very damming for you ... She is probably shutting you out simply because there was never any real relationship between the two of you. As for options - nothing more can be done until the birth. Probably will need to go for DNA testing to prove your paternity ect. You'll need to talk to a lawyer.
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Old 04-13-2014, 11:52 PM
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I'm not sure how our age difference has anything to do with the best interest of the child. I did nothing illegal, although I do concede I feel it was inappropriate. As I mentioned, I was going through a divorce and she gave me attention when I wanted it during that time. I'm a little confused how it would go bad for me based on that fact. But truly don't know and appreciate your expertise.

I'd be more than happy to take a dna test, but my concern is for the child even in teh womb, let alone after it is born. She is sleeping in an attic with an 11 year old girl. There's gotta be something I can do before then. No?
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Old 04-13-2014, 11:57 PM
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Ditto - she very well could be pregnant with someone else's kid. 50-50 chance of that, particularly if you don't know anything about her.

Maybe she'll consider adoption. There are many great people out there who are desperate to have children. I think people should give more consideration to this option. Child could be raised in a loving home by people who truly want children.
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Old 04-13-2014, 11:58 PM
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She's not denying it is mine. I have that in writing. Through our chat conversations.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FamilyGuy View Post
I'm not sure how our age difference has anything to do with the best interest of the child. I did nothing illegal, although I do concede I feel it was inappropriate. As I mentioned, I was going through a divorce and she gave me attention when I wanted it during that time. I'm a little confused how it would go bad for me based on that fact. But truly don't know and appreciate your expertise.

I'd be more than happy to take a dna test, but my concern is for the child even in teh womb, let alone after it is born. She is sleeping in an attic with an 11 year old girl. There's gotta be something I can do before then. No?
Never said that you did anything illegal - I'm not a lawyer, just some person on the Internet ... the age difference really is not the issue here, more the lack of good judgement on your part. You're in the process of divorcing and this is only adding to the complications in your already complicated life.

I understand your concern over the health of the unborn child. Have you offered this woman any financial help? Is there any way that she would accept some form of prenatal care? You mention that she may have mental issues ... sadly there is not much you can do to 'force' her to take better care of herself especially since she hardly knows you.

You could call up social services and get better advise from them. Your biggest obstacle is the fact that she wants nothing more to do with you.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:07 AM
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Thank you Janibel. I do agree that I think my biggest obstacle is the fact that she has cut me out. She has done that because she wants to keep the child. Believe me, she cannot properly raise a child. She told me she plays with dolls pretending they are children. That's not at all normal, and is one of the reasons I distanced myself from her. Unfortunately, too late.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:08 AM
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Until you have a test you will never know. Surely you're not that naive? You don't know this girl and desperate people do indeed do desperate things. It is commonly said that rejection does strange things to people.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:12 AM
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Thank you arabian. If I didn't think I was the father, believe me I wouldn't stress myself out over it. I am very certain . In fact, there is no doubt. She couldn't have had any time. We chatted so much.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:18 AM
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There is a considerable difference, in my opinion, between a 34 yr old and a 19 yr old. Going through a divorce is not a reasonable excuse for you to have sex with someone with whom you describe as childlike and not mentally stable.

I would suggest that you seek out some counselling and get professional advice.
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