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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2006, 01:12 AM
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 68
honey I'm home is on a distinguished road
Question She gets WHAT....omg help my friend

This is not about me - looking for information - this is WRONG and UNFAIR and I am SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT ABUSED WIFES ... WHAT ABOUT THE FRIGGEN ABUSED HUSBANDS


A couple are living separate and apart and she has a court order in place for child support, there are three children of this marriage and they reside with the mother. Child support is based on her paying rent on a three bedroom townhouse in the amount of $1,500 per month and she works fulltime outside the home.

He is residing with his father since the breakdown of the marriage approximately 5 years later his father dies he buys out/inherits the home.

Another year pass's and he's feeling lonely so he ask's his ex if she would like to move back in for a trial reconciliation. She agrees.

She packs up herself and the kids, moves in and puts the support order on hold.

100 days later she has him tossed out of the house. HE DID NOT BEAT HER - lets just get that straight 'cause that's what people like to think okay - o he must have hit her. NOT THE CASE I could show proof, but I don't think that's allowed here ... anyway he could have charged her hows that.... anyway

5 years go by - he still can not get into the house which he is still paying all the bills on and the mortgage.

Year 6 she takes the old support order off hold and starts receiving child support – she uses the previous custody order and has them include the COLA to bring this amount up to date. She is still working full time and she is still not contributing to the mortgage or property tax’s.

Present - he wants to sell the house she says she is entitled to ½ because of the “trial” reconciliation.

My question:

If they had a “trial” reconciliation should she not have then re-applied to the courts for a revised support order? To me they never had the reconciliation and she admitted to that by NOT re-applying for child support.

So on that note .... 100 days guy's come on - a trial reconciliation of 100 days and you get 1/2 the house..... does anyone out there need a roommate for 100 days... I could use a new house... lol and I'll tell you something if she wins this ain't NOBODY staying more than 2 nights at my house....

She had the old support agreement taken off hold cause she didn't like the fact that he made her pay the bills so in order to get that money back she had the support order put back into place. He's paying approximately $2,300/month.... Know what his pay was last week. $93.00, know who he came to to loan him the money to pay the mortgage yesterday.... not her.... she's on holidays down south...she's waiting for him to default on the mortgage so she can buy it cheap...

Sorry ladies, but women like this... NO wonder guy's are age shy away from women....Jeeze I'd friggen run.... (just so glad I'm not in this situation... so glad)
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2006, 07:42 AM
hubby's Avatar
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 522
hubby will become famous soon enough

There be warriors in both light and darkness ... she is not of the light.

However know this, in the end, light wins.

  #3 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2006, 01:55 PM
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 68
honey I'm home is on a distinguished road

Dear Hubby... lol

I know she's not of the light, in fact - she is crashing around in the dark.
But...(cause there is always a but)
Which way does the law read?

Cause they ALWAYS GIVE TO THE WOMEN WITHOUT QUESTION, Cause they usually have the kids.

Let me add to the above that one of the children is residing with the father and the mother is refusing to cancel the FRO garnishment from his wages.

Man she is a piece of work.

Thank goodness I'm in the light (with my runners on)... lol
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Old 03-02-2006, 03:10 PM
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Posts: 19
customgal is on a distinguished road


I understand what you are going through and it must be terrible, but PLEASE don't place all women in that category! I too, am going through hell where my husband refuses to pay anything toward the house, his children and will not move out. He has a decent job but is demanding an insane amount of spousal support, just because he wants to be vindictive. I worked my butt off to get the great job I now hold, when he earned more then I did for 18 out of 23 years of marriage.

Not only does he refuse to pay anything for the past 14 months we have been separated, he uses his income to gamble, smoke, drink and purchase marijuana. He also has done NOTHING to maintain our lovely home, coming and going like it is the Holiday Inn. Now I am also being told I may have to pay this lazy, self-absorbed, gambling-addicted, deadbeat freeloader JUST because I worked hard to get ahead, while he sat in a bingo hall wasting away.

Something has to be done about these laws that would allow things like this to happen and people like this to be awarded. It is just not right or fair, and frankly, I am thinking of going on stress leave, or even quitting my job (both my daughter and myself have been to the doctor and have been medicated because of this, so it would not be hard).

But please don't place all women in that category. There are a few of us who only want to make a decent living in which to support ourselves and children and who would love to meet a decent, caring man in their '40's. He has made me very wary of men, so I understand how you feel towards women, but we have to remind ourselves not all people, female or male, are like that.

  #5 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2006, 07:08 PM
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 68
honey I'm home is on a distinguished road

Hey Custom Gal...

Sorry don't get the wrong end of the stick I also know a few women in your spot. Thank goodness I'm in neither and touch wood I never put myself in that situation. (see introduction message page)

So on that note have you ever thought about moving yourself and the kids out. Even if you have to rent it drops your income. Your spousal support is based on your income "after" expenses. As painful as it will seem to you and the kids, how long do you think you would be gone. Cut off his supply to YOUR money. If your paying rent somewhere else he can't live for free, you lower your expendable income, you gain a tax write off and because you are not living in the house unless you are on the mortgage he will have to come up with the mortgage payment. Less money for mariguana, speaking of which is this a new habit? Something he just started doing recently?

You also say he is lazy, well if you and the kids are living somewhere else I guess he'll have to learn to wash his underwear or call his mom eh... lol

One thing I can tell you is DON'T quite your job, they can get you for that I think, support is based on your previous years income so your screwed either way. Got to pull your income down so you can prove to the judge that you require more for the kids therefore you need to re-do your financial statement and then when the papers are signed he will have to take you to court in order to get the order changed.

Well if nothing else this is a different experience for me. Funny how people change - or do they - do we just look at them differently - do we just get fed up with them..... who knows I took my toys out of the sand box years ago.... now I just sit and watch, sometimes go for a paddle.... lol I've watched alot of friends and people go through this over the years and I'm glad really.... I got it really easy... could say I've got the best of both, my ex and I can be civil and the kids.... well they float from one house to the other, don't make the kids pick one over the over... let them do what they want... you will never loose that way.

Good luck.. sorry a little long winded....and move out....

And you can't change the locks either, that I believe is against the law.

So start looking for an apartment in the area - it's only temporary -
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2006, 09:24 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 19
customgal is on a distinguished road

Hey Honey,

Thank you for the advice. I have thought of everything...he said if I move out I still have to make the mortgage payments, because he will not and if I don't, then my credit rating goes down the...well, you know. I have even asked him to sell the house, only he won't consider that either. He is literally holding me and my daughter hostage, while he gets away with the crap he has been pulling.

We were married for 23 years, most of which I realized he was not for me, but they were not all bad. For over 18 of those years, he earned more then I did and I have always been the primary child care provider. In the mid '90's he held a great job, but was unexpectedly laid off, this was a job he loved, and I saw him snap then. And when I got my good, secure job 4 years ago, I saw him snap again. He became totally self-absorbed, ignored me and the kids and basically did what he wanted, which was gambling. I had enough last year, when I asked him to wash a table (after working 5 twelve-hour night shifts in a row and having slept all of 3 hours) and he threw windex and paper towels at me.

Now, it is his way or nothing. He is not willing to negotiate anything or be reasonable. My lawyer has sent him a few letters telling him he must contribute to the household costs, but he is refusing to do so. I told him last week that if he was unwilling to pay, and unwilling to move, then I wanted to put the house up for sale. His reply, with a smirk on his face, "I'll let you know." We are joint owners of the house and BOTH our names are on the mortgage papers, yet I am forced to continue to pay his is not fair and I am very frustrated by how long things take. I had a Toronto lawyer who came up with 10 reasons why he is not ENTITLED to spousal support, but his lawyer just kept sending the same letter over and over...he is demanding $1000.00 a month in spousal support, etc.

He has also contributed zero to his daughter's care and support. He did nothing with her all summer and still does nothing with her. She is 16 and very angry at him and I still can't believe that our great Canadian LAW could very possibly award this miserable human being my hard-earned money.

Anyways, again thank is good to hear from a man. I wish I could take heed to your advice, only it is not possible, unless I want to completely mess up my credit, which I have worked so hard to maintain and it is excellent.

  #7 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2006, 11:16 PM
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 68
honey I'm home is on a distinguished road

Hey you

first off I'm female.. but that's okay... (trust me I've been called worse... ha ha ha) so... response

How well do you know your bankers. I'm pretty familiar with mine, explain to them (not in great detail) that you need to move out of your home blah, blah and ask them for a way to help you. They should be able to show you a way to protect your credit and your investment in the home. I would also speak to your creditors - everyone....totally detach yourself from all. If you have credit cards together... get your name off of his, check with your credit card companies and advise them that you will not pay any credit receipts that he has signed. They should send you any required paper work. I would even try to get him into the financial institute and have him buy you out of your share of the property for income tax purposes. If you catch him when he's wasted on pot he might not think about it and buy you out. O and by the way he is also entitled to 1/2 your pension, 1/2 your CPP points and 1/2 your RRSP's, you are also entitled to 1/2 of his pension, etc., etc., etc.,

I think you can also apply to the courts (ask your lawyer about this) for I think it's something about delaying the system. He keeps delaying, delaying I think there is something that you can do about that.

In response to the above....(sorry I do get off track).... leave your daughter to deal with it herself. Remember shes what 16, mines 17. 17 do you remember what you were up to at 17....give her time...and space...shes a young lady...they will work it out just don't push each other on each other....he is still thinking of her as his little girl....he does not know how to deal with a young women....(I bet she's pretty too..) daughter has not even dreamed of some of the things I was doing at 17....sneaking into bars....hanging out at the pool hall.... eh... remember...

Oh and on another note.... At the end of the day your credit can be repaired.... like everything it takes time.... talk to people... don't give up.... is your credit worth it?
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2006, 12:44 AM
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Posts: 19
customgal is on a distinguished road

Hi Ms. Honey I'm Home,

First off, my apologies for interpreting your letters wrong, the way you were talking it sounded like you were a guy!! So sorry...

As I have mentioned before, I have thought of nearly everything. I did go to my bank a couple months ago, fed up and angry that he was continuing to freeload off me. I asked them if they would consider splitting the mortgage/property taxes and take half from my account and half from his, but they out right refused. The woman I spoke with said they had no legal grounds to do that and their "computers didn't work that way."

She said for me to move out would be a huge mistake because as far as they were concerned the mortgage was set up to be withdrawn from MY account and they would do nothing to accomodate me and if I didn't pay, again, my credit rating would suffer. (This being the CIBC bank).

My ex and I had no joint credit cards (thank God). We did have a joint bank account, which I did not use, but kept tabs on and noticed he was withdrawing huge amounts of money. In a 10 day period in June, for instance, he withdrew $1700.00. My lawyer told me to take the money out and close it, but he seldom left more then $20 in it, and he finally did end up closing it on me. I have bank receipts showing how much he "stole" -- since it was a joint account, I am legally entitled to half the money and I will ask for it.

I have several friends and my sister and brother-in-law who are in the process right now of writing affidavits about how he changed and that they have seen him using drugs and abusing alcohol and basically child endangerment at one point (he would smoke in front of our daughter when she suffered from asthma). As well as the gambling addiction. I don't know if it will help my case, but at this point, I doubt anything could hurt it, and it is proof that the creep should not be entitled to any support.

Right now, I am in the process of starting a court application. His lawyer kept sending me letters threatening to do this, only they never did. In fact, I have heard nothing from his side in over 2 months, I am thinking he probably ran out of money to pay the lawyer. I think he will be surprised when he sees I have started this process.

He has refused to supply us with a financial statement too. And yes, he does want my 4 year pension valuated, but he doesn't seem to get it that his pensions are more than likely worth more than mine, as he did earn more than me for the majority of the marriage. But he is not willing to hire an actuary to valuate his, when I mentioned this to him, his reply was "the lawyer is handling everything."

I honestly don't know what I ever did, other then try to make things work with him for over 10 years. I guess that is my mistake, attempting to take my marriage vows seriously. I worked hard, had difficult pregnancies, went to college and night school...even when I knew things were over between us, I bought him two vacations where on one of them, he insisted on taking along his "mommy" - to which I paid all expenses. I think that is when the bitterness really started for me. He enjoyed my hard work and did nothing but sit back and reap the benefits.

There is no way I could get him to sign anything...we had an agreement last year that I typed up TWICE to suit him, but after waiting 2 months for him to get his act together, he never did sign it. Is a verbal agreement worth nothing in these cases? He told me a few times he would not take me for spousal support after I paid him off, so I know he is only doing it now to be vindictive and financially ruin me.

Thanks, and sorry for being so long-winded...just I don't sleep much these days and I don't really have much of a life.

  #9 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2006, 03:34 PM
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 68
honey I'm home is on a distinguished road

hey custom gal

Well then sweetie hopefully you only have a few months left on the existing mortgage. At least that way you would have that chip in your court. You either sign the papers or I don't sign the mortgage period. I don't know... it's not like I'm a lawyer.

Like my friend that I want to help. He inherits a home and they are not even together when he inherits the house. About a year later asks her to move in and have a trial reconciliation and 98 days she has him thrown out. Ten years later he is still fighting for his house. Where is that right. She said that they had a trial reconciliation then how come she was able to re-start her child support. Because it wasn't a trial reconciliation - it was a trial "lets see how fast I can rip off my ex-husband". She forges cheques on his account, has left him to sleep in his car and is still collecting child support for children that are not residing with her.

O yeah isn't the law great it isn't fair that's for sure, he should be able to KICK the women out on her backside and he should get his house back free and clear at no financial obligation to her as it is an inherited property. Did she give him 1/2 of her inheritence (which would have been around $50,000 in his pocket) NO FRIGGEN WAY..

I just had to lend him ANOTHER $700.00 to put his house over "her" head and where is she.... living it up on a beach somewhere and the two children that are still residing with her...... at home alone - unsupervised.

WHATEVER.....that $700.00 could have put ME ON A BEACH but I did promise him I would be there for him. Mind you he has nearly strapped me, he has gone through all my savings trying to get her out of the house, and she just laughs at him, and the courts.... well we'll see what happens there, but how much do you want to bet that he has to give her 1/2 the house.

Sorry just had to have a bitch.... I promised my friend (we've been friends since we were maybe 6) that I would help him however I could. I never did like his wife and I told him that the day he started seeing her Years ago... but... she has done nothing but put him down and bad mouth him in front of his children, she steals from him, she will go through his vehicle and steal the canadian tire money, or any spare change in the truck, omg she has even yelled at me. I've seen her reduce her kids to tears and threaten them with the police if they don't come for a visit, she calls them stupid and is forever yelling at them.

Man it makes my blood boil....I gotta stop for now cause it's not right....I don't care if a judge or the provincial government say they have to watch out for women and the children.... well what about when those same women are abusing the system, the ex and the children.

O and check this out.... cause he's been staying at my house, she has the right to go after my financial information, and I know she will to. when and if that day happens well I guess that is the day my friend goes back to live in his vehicle, cause the only women I will EVER-EVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE give money to will be my DAUGHTER and no one else. Mind you she would love that.
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2006, 07:05 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 19
customgal is on a distinguished road

Hi Honey,

Wow, you must be an amazing friend to that guy, he is incredibly lucky. Other then the support of most of my family and friends, I have no one to help me financially, I have now spent over $5000.00 on legal fees and gotten nowhere.

As for this poor guy's wife, tell me one thing -- Why the hell is she not in JAIL??? Abandoning her children while she goes on vacation? Stealing from him? Writing out fraudulent cheques?

And as far as I am aware, if it is HIS house, and his name is on the deed/title, then he has as much right as does she to live there, and I also believe that if it was inherited, she has NO RIGHT to be in that house, unless her name was specifically mentioned in the will.

Why can't he get her thrown out? Why can't he get child custody because of her treatment of these kids?

I agree with you, the law here in Canada is definitely not right. It screws over the person who worked their ass off to get ahead and pays off people who are lazy, shiftless, self-absorbed, useless and in my case use drugs, so he is criminal. My friend lives in California, and she has told me that California is one of the most liberal states in the whole USA, and he WOULD NOT receive spousal support there.

I think there must be something your friend can do to have her removed from his inherited property, especially if her name is not on the deed. Why doesn't he go there while she is away sunning herself, and change the locks? He could say that she abandoned her children and since she is not on the deed, he has every right to throw her out.

My problem is just that -- my loser ex is on the deed so I have no legal recourse to change the locks unless he moves out and abandons the home, which he won't do, because he is basically staying here for free.

Man, I wonder how these people can sleep at night, and hopefully there is a God and when Judgment Day comes, they will get theirs. I know that doesn't solve any problems now though. But how can you not support your children, but spend that money on BINGO/CASINOS/MARIJUANA/CIGS and BOOZE???

I also thought of something else your friend could do, it will be expensive, probably around $1500, but why doesn't he get a motion for exclusive possession of the house, just to cover his ass? He wouldn't have a problem doing that, due to the circumstances. And he would be able to live in peace in the home. My lawyer mentioned I could try to do that, but that it is very difficult to get someone thrown out of a house they legally own, unless there is definite abuse.

Anyways, this has been very interesting. I just wish there was a law that covered useless, lazy, self-absorbed, deadbeat freeloaders like these people.

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