Shared custody in practice

[Motorizer]

Hi, y'all.
Been on here a couple years now.
Received a lot of help, and now have a few questions.

Son born June 2010.
BM and I sit before birth.

Visited child 3-4 times a week at Moms, til 6 months old.
From 6 months to 1 year, had 2 overnights per week, Wednesday and Saturday nights.
After child was 1 year, schedule changed to EVERY Wednesday/Thursday night, 430 pm Wed til Fri at 430pm.
Additionally, every second weekend (Sat/Sun).

So, 6 days out of 14, along with an extra day or two every month, and babysitting when I can.
It works out to 47-53 in her favor... Negligable.
I have been paying full CS, as well as a mutually agreed upon 60-40 split for daycare...for now.

I guess my question is, since I've had shared custody for damn near 9 months now, is it a sufficient status quo?
I would like to get a permanent order, only asking for what already exists.
Child is doing very well, very smooth transition.

Full CS has been paid, it's nit about money.
However, since our costs are fairly equal, I'm thinking offset CS amounts is fair.
I haven't shot myself in the foot by continuing to pay CS, I hope.
I have documented all time, though one of my journals has been list.
Attended all doctor appointments, very well regarded by all daycare workers, etc.
Tons of witnesses regarding the arrangement.


Also, BM has brought up the possibility of a move, which I vehemently oppose.
Child is doing well in his routine, I see no benefit to a move... Especially away from an active and involved Father.

[iceberg]

Yes you can now ask her or file for shared custody because you already have it just need to legalize it.

[NBDad]

Do you have any sort of legal agreement in place right now?

If no, get one drawn up.

You have status quo on your side, so concentrate on getting the access schedule set down in stone. The babysitting thing is termed "Right of first refusal"...it's almost entirely unenforceable, but looks good to stick it in there.

Cannot stress this enough, get the access schedule agreed to and legalized FIRST. Then unless there is an agreement otherwise, start paying OFFSET CS.

THEN take your legal agreement and file with CRA for shared custody vis a vis CCTB/UCCB.

That last step will seriously piss off your ex. Save it until you have a legal agreement in place. (CCTB/UCCB arrangements are outside the jurisdiction of family court, as they are administered and controlled via the Income Tax Act)

[HammerDad]

I agree with NBDad.

Get the schedule in writing first. Then a couple months later start paying offset.

Don't make it about money now as she will likely fight you and start clawing back time you previously agreed to (one way or another).

But yeah, get her to agree, in writing (signed and witnessed) to the parenting time schedule. Say it is for both of your benefits to get it in writing to ensure there is no confusion down the road. Once in writing, file it with your local family court. It is now effectively a court order and to change it would require a) another agreement or b) a motion granted by a judge.

Don't bring up money whatsoever.

[Motorizer]

Update:

BM, while continuing to share custody, refuses to take part in any negotiations regarding a parenting plan.
Thus, I have made arrangements to file for one at the Family Justice office here in Alberta.
While I hope for a satisfactory, two party conclusion....
I'm only one half.

I will be sending a 3R letter to BM, containing a proposed PP.

Any advice, people?
I just wanna get this done.

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by Motorizer

Update:

BM, while continuing to share custody, refuses to take part in any negotiations regarding a parenting plan.
Thus, I have made arrangements to file for one at the Family Justice office here in Alberta.
While I hope for a satisfactory, two party conclusion....
I'm only one half.

I will be sending a 3R letter to BM, containing a proposed PP.

Any advice, people?
I just wanna get this done.

Advice:

2-2-3-3 access schedule. Two days with mom, two days with you, then three days with mom and three days with you and the schedule rotates.

60/40 or 50/50 makes no difference on CS. So ask for full 50/50. You will be paying child support on an "offset method" on a 60/40 so why does the other parent need the extra 10% of time? Rarely do you see 60/40 orders anymore because of the new offset standards for CS. Prior people use to fight for 60/40 so they could get full CS. Doesn't happen anymore that way.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[HammerDad]

Originally Posted by Motorizer

Update:

while continuing to share custody

This is the important part. She continues with shared parenting, and the longer that continues, the more status quo builds.

Should she delay with the parenting plan, but continue with shared, it just helps build your case for it to stay the same. If she wants a change, she will have to explain why status quo is no longer in the childs best interests.

So, as much as you are in a rush, it isn't like things are horrible. Just stay consistant and be there for the kids.

[Motorizer]

We're currently utilizing a 2/2/3, alternating week schedule.
Seems to work great.

I've established myself in this city, and wish to continue to be an active Father for our son.
Trying to get a mortgage.... But if I'm commuting myself that far, seems only fair that I get a PP down.
Hate to get geared up, only to have the rug pulled out.

Thanks.

[music99]

Originally Posted by Tayken

Advice:

2-2-3-3 access schedule. Two days with mom, two days with you, then three days with mom and three days with you and the schedule rotates.

60/40 or 50/50 makes no difference on CS. So ask for full 50/50. You will be paying child support on an "offset method" on a 60/40 so why does the other parent need the extra 10% of time? Rarely do you see 60/40 orders anymore because of the new offset standards for CS. Prior people use to fight for 60/40 so they could get full CS. Doesn't happen anymore that way.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Does one really think a 2-2-3-3 schedule is appropriate for such a young child?

[Motorizer]

Kids can adapt to almost anything...
It's the parents who usually can't.