Settlement Conference Brief Rcd - Thoughts on My Response

[PundaSmith]

Hello,

Thanks again for all your responses. I received my Ex's settlement Conference Brief this evening (by fax).

Briefly, this is an offer to settlement by my children's mother who severely abused our son (Background details of my case can be found in this posting: http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ituation-3508/).

Her offer to settle is as follows:

- For the Victim: only telephone access -- she has not seen, spoken to our son in two years, suddenly she wants telephone access.

- For our other child: telephone access plus one week Christmas and six weeks of summer vacation. She has been having electronic chats with her for about a year now.

My ex has supported these offers with a letter from an organization "Women's Counseling, Referral and Education Center" in Toronto (their web says they are a feminist organization, and do not use psychological or psychiatric models in counseling) implying that it was my ex rather who was the victim, abused by me during our marriage, and that she has received counseling for her abuse and she is prepared to resume visits with her children. Interestingly, this letter does not address any of the child protection issues that underlie her abuse of our son. Instead, all this letter does is indicate that my ex has suffered from abuse during a marriage that ended about 10 yrs ago, and that she has finally had the chance to address these issues through counseling - I am not sure whether she is justifying her abuse of our son or not - but there was little if anything at all - about what she has done to address challenges of raising children, dealing with anger issues arising therefrom, etc.

I plan to respond to this offer as follows:

To our daughter: Only supervised access, held and supervised by professionals in US - where we reside.

To our son: no contact - either by phone or in person until I have had the chance to review:

-- (1) all of her treatment records and any records from her probation officer;
-- (2) a report from a psychologist or psychiatrist with expertise in treating someone like my ex, offering evidence that:

i) she has received treatment for the problems that led to the abuse, including control of her anger, and that

ii) she does not pose a risk to our child(ren) with the kind of contact that is being proposed. Until I have this, she would have no access to our daughter - whether by phone, email or face-to-face.

Do these sound like reasonable proposals?

Thanks very much -- Punda....

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

Originally Posted by PundaSmith

I plan to respond to this offer as follows:

To our daughter: Only supervised access, held and supervised by professionals in US - where we reside.

To our son: no contact - either by phone or in person until I have had the chance to review:
[SIZE=2]

Do these sound like reasonable proposals?

Your proposal in itself is justified, however I feel that instead of the wording, "until I have had a chance", perhaps something more neutral to avoid looking like you are trying to be controlling.
I have read your posts and understand that you are in no way trying to be controlling but rather are indeed looking out for the best interests of your son. I would rewrite it, something like, "to our son, no contact until such time as it can be demonstrated that the provided reports have been reviewed and verified. Also until such time as she can demonstrate to the courts that she has received and successfully completed treatment for her underlying issues that led to the abuse of our son and has also dealt with her anger management issues."

Similarly when addressing access to the daughter, avoid the "until I have had" wording.
Just another point of view to consider.

[NoahJenda]

I'm a little confused. If there's been a settlement conference, there must be an application to vary the existing order? If so, didn't the judge suggest an access report by third-party experts to get their input?

This isn't legal advice, but in any event my guess is your ex doesn't have much of a case. If there is an existing access order, she has to show there's been a material change in circumstances that would warrant a change in that access order. A letter from a little non-profit organization with no recognized credentials won't cut it. Accordingly, I would ignore that letter completely in any counteroffer.

You could propose the access you suggest and simply leave it at that. You could also stipulate that further access negotiations could only take place in the context of independent reports from recognized experts acceptable to the court.

As a footnote, if she has a criminal conviction, she may be unable to cross the border into the US.

[PundaSmith]

FL.

thanks for your suggestions - I totally agree with you, and has amended my brief to reflect the new wording.

rgds, PundaSmith

[PundaSmith]

Originally Posted by NoahJenda

I'm a little confused. If there's been a settlement conference, there must be an application to vary the existing order? If so, didn't the judge suggest an access report by third-party experts to get their input?

Actually you are not confused - i wasn't clear. there has never been any settlement conference. There was a case conference in which custody was decided on a final basis, and access on a temporal basis. so this is the first settlement conference.[/quote]

Originally Posted by NoahJenda

This isn't legal advice, but in any event my guess is your ex doesn't have much of a case. If there is an existing access order, she has to show there's been a material change in circumstances that would warrant a change in that access order. A letter from a little non-profit organization with no recognized credentials won't cut it. Accordingly, I would ignore that letter completely in any counteroffer.

You could propose the access you suggest and simply leave it at that. You could also stipulate that further access negotiations could only take place in the context of independent reports from recognized experts acceptable to the court.

I absolutely agree..., and that is what I would love, and I know our kids would. I'm not out to deprive her of access, but to ensure that our kids have such access in as safe a manner as possible.

Originally Posted by NoahJenda

As a footnote, if she has a criminal conviction, she may be unable to cross the border into the US.

But she can get pardons to enable her cross over.

Thanks very much....