Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-20-2015, 05:35 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,961
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

It must be extremely difficult to live with someone with mental health issues. The way I see it you can do 1 of 2 things: 1) find out more about her disease and try to get her reassessed by a mental health specialist, or 2) go straight to a lawyer and get some advice. Either way, her mental health is going to be a very big hurdle for you to cross.

I doubt very much that you will have success waiting for her "mood to improve." She very well might be in the beginning stages of alzehimers/dementia. Regular general practitioners aren't always very good at diagnosing this. Everyone just wants to mask the problem with medications. These medications are intended to keep the patient at a baseline of functioning (which it sounds as though your wife is doing with her cleaning). One pill knocks her out (12 hours at a time) and another pill makes her manic. Sounds to me like she needs some decent medical assessment and management.

Perhaps have a candid discussion with the social worker and ask that your wife get assessed by a mental health professional.
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 08-20-2015, 10:44 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Ontario
Posts: 164
Franklin is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

So you know she is not stupid, this means you know she will play you. Most people cant believe there better half has it in them to lie about you and then they do. They do and how.

I was not unfortunate in court and I didn't even use a lawyer. I did not have to lie, witch was good, my ex did not know how to lie well, witch was bad for her but good for me. I tell you this, if she had only lied about me 15% more she could have hurt me way worse. If she had lied about me 50% more she would have come close to killing me.

You are not young but the courts don,t care. They error on the side of caution. Every time, every single time and you would too if you had a dumb job guiding stupidity. I know we are not not dumb but our situation is.

Smart people recognize this and use it to their advantage and screw the honorable with it.

Talk her into renting a great place, move her out. Her leaving is on her own is your only hope to gaining control of the home. Do not move out. And be prepared to have proof she moved out of her own free will because when she realizes her mistake she will accuse you of the imaginable.
Want to imagine? She may say she was suicidal at the time and you drugged her, moved her out thinking this was some kind of vacation. You think this sounds dumb? wait till family court takes 1 year, $15,000 dollars and not even make a dent in this just beginning litigation.
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 08-20-2015, 11:14 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,961
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

And what happens if she moves out, rents a place for 5 large a month (a private supportive living environment)? Who is going to pay for that? Lets say the house gets sold and the money goes into trust into a lawyers account. Her lawyer then goes to court every 6 months and gets advance on the money for her living expenses and of course his legal bills. Meanwhile our friend here has to couch-surf because he can't access the money. His wife's mental condition worsens. He is powerless to do anything.

This is not an uncommon situation. I would therefore advise the OP to get some good legal advice and then get his butt to meet with the social worker and hopefully work out a plan that sees his wife's needs looked after while the two of them are still talking to each other. If he doesn't handle this amicably then the courts will surely look out for her best interest which may not necessarily include his needs in the plan. Court's view: he has his pension and her needs will be greater than his in the foreseeable future.
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2015, 07:41 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Ontario
Posts: 164
Franklin is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Ok I think I have 1 plan for you. Talk her into selling the house. Rent a great apartment that makes her happy. Her happy you will not live there for long so the bills or any other details should not matter. Even if it is in another country, even better.

Now all your money from equity is in the bank. Siphon as much off into your own totally personal account,as much as you can but not more than 50%. Use your credit card, your joint credit card for everything. Her name must be on the card, it must be. In the end she is responsible for half the debts. If you can have her have a credit card in her name only and max that one out, pay the rent with it even. Take a holiday with it. Live your life, she will soon be tired of you hire a lawyer to divorce you. Lawyer will promise her the moon. Do not hire a lawyer or use one very sparingly. Do not worry bout all the allegations or big legal talk. Conserve your money and never agree to pay for her debts, especially her lawyer,s bill, which will grow without thought as everyone expects those payments to come out of equity money, just do not allow it come out of your half.
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2015, 10:29 AM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,228
blinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura about
Default

Disclaimer : we do not support, endorse or recommend Franklin's posts, suggestions or any other questionable or illegal activities.

Franklin : if you do not have any helpful advice or information to share, especially with new members, please refrain from derailing threads for your own personal agenda.
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2015, 11:05 AM
Hand of Justice
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 3,146
Links17 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
she stays at the place of her choice and eventually when her mood improves we get together again.
This is crazy-talk....

Franklin's perspective is that you will get screwed in the divorce, I agree with it. Anybody naive enough to believe family law is not bias is naive and or in denial. The bias will not be towards you.

The key thing I think is selling the house and getting your half somewhere far away in an untouchable account. Don't hire a lawyer and just let her do the rest of the work. At the end they will just steal what they want from your pension anyways though.

You don't NEED to file for divorce.... just get the house sold and leave. Let her do the heavy lifting. If she files, respond - go to court, agree to split your pension with her till you both die so you have equal income and that is the end of story (unless she gets an inheritance or some other form of income).
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2015, 12:58 PM
Janibel's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Way up North
Posts: 1,496
Janibel will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Franklin View Post
Do not move out. And be prepared to have proof she moved out of her own free will because when she realizes her mistake she will accuse you of the imaginable.
Want to imagine? She may say she was suicidal at the time and you drugged her, moved her out thinking this was some kind of vacation. You think this sounds dumb? wait till family court takes 1 year, $15,000 dollars and not even make a dent in this just beginning litigation.
^^^ This much is good advice:

1 - Do not move out, this will be considered as "abandoning" her and will look bad if ever you do go to court.

2 - Once the lawyers get involved, you can be certain to lose control over your finances - this is a long term marriage and from what you have written, your wife is totally dependent on you. This could get very nasty and very expensive - very fast.

Arabian had the best solution, get social services involved first and then you can weight your options.
Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2015, 01:04 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 304
shellshocked22 is on a distinguished road
Default

Sorry to hear of your situation. However, I think the matter is relatively straight forward and might not be so bad for the OP...

1) The "matrimonial home", value $600,000, is simply split between you. Not "maybe" - the law is quite clear on this. I suppose she could agree to less but I doubt she will. So, you each get $300,000 from the home. Unless one of you has the resources to buy the other out, it must be sold, either voluntarily or the court would simply order it. Save yourself money and do it yourselves without hassle of legal fees.

The OPs plan to get cheaper housing elsewhere makes perfect sense. You might even be able to get similar housing elsewhere for the $300,000 you'll have considering crazy price of Toronto houses.

2) I think its a given she'll get be awarded spousal support - sadly for the OP likely till she dies. However, given his $1700 a month pension income and her $800 a month disability, according to mysupportcalculator.ca he's likely only going to have to pay her around $400 a month. AND, that's a tax DEDUCTION for OP.

The $400 would apply if it was "normal" or work income. However, my guess is he meant CPP. If that's the case, the CPP credits between him and his spouse would be equalized for the time they were together. Sadly, given she hasn't worked, it's going to mean LESS CPP for him and more for her (I'm not sure about OAS - I would investigate that....).

BUT, once the CPP is equalized, she shouldn't be entitled to anymore of HIS "share" of it since it's already been equalized.

3) HOWEVER, you need to see if the $800 is treated as normal "income" OR if it's "protected" from spousal support calcuations. Also, if her disability income is "tax free" (may or may not be), it needs to be "grossed up" to equate to taxable income IF the disabilty income is NOT protected and CAN be involved in spousal support calculations. Keep in mind the disability will likely terminate at age 65 - so you need to know what happens spousal support wise at that time.

So, check with a lawyer - I suspect it should be pretty cut and dried how it will play out.

Then again, even the supportcalculator.ca website notes that since his income is low, he may not even have to pay spousal support but my guess is he will.

BOTTOM line, a decent family lawyer should be able to confirm the outcome pretty quickly - it's a pretty black and white situation.

With respect to FUTURE income for the OP (ie. part time work) - see if you can get an agreement that any extra income he makes does NOT count for spousal support. My fear is that she'll try to grab half of any extra money he makes. If you can't do it, it may not be worthwhile for him to work extra since she'll simply take a big chunk of it. Plus, you'll be open to ongoing legal hassle with her potentially trying to take him to court to seize any "work income" he makes. In my opinion, how any extra part time job income is treated for spousal support is the biggest question mark and needs to be "locked down" in a separation agreement.

Good luck !

He should see a good family law lawyer to review....

Last edited by shellshocked22; 08-21-2015 at 01:13 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2015, 01:35 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,961
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

I don't believe that the OP indicated whether or not his wife worked through the marriage or what the disability payments are from.

IF his part-time income has been ongoing for a long time and if it shows up in bank records then it could be used to calculate income for purpose of determining support.

The tax deduction of paying support would also likely be considered when determining support and adjustment made.

I remain a bit confused by poster as he seems ambivalent about whether he wants to stay or go with wife. One post he wants to leave but then he indicates that he would come back if she had a change of attitude.

Perhaps all he needs to do is buy a cabin at the lake and give himself some breathing room?
Reply With Quote
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2015, 01:48 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,241
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I don't believe that the OP indicated whether or not his wife worked through the marriage or what the disability payments are from.

IF his part-time income has been ongoing for a long time and if it shows up in bank records then it could be used to calculate income for purpose of determining support.

The tax deduction of paying support would also likely be considered when determining support and adjustment made.

I remain a bit confused by poster as he seems ambivalent about whether he wants to stay or go with wife. One post he wants to leave but then he indicates that he would come back if she had a change of attitude.

Perhaps all he needs to do is buy a cabin at the lake and give himself some breathing room
?
It sounds like he needs a bit of a break from caring for his wife, he is overwhelmed. Maybe he needs to look into having someone come in to help with some of the day to day stuff. I echo the whole talking to social services to see what help is available.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
date of separation RainB Divorce & Family Law 11 12-01-2013 09:15 AM
Separation Date Dispute Margaret-Krupa Divorce & Family Law 17 02-27-2012 10:38 AM
Separation Agreement Mouse_117 Divorce & Family Law 6 09-18-2010 04:37 PM
Validity of a Separation Agreement NewGirlfriend Divorce & Family Law 9 12-11-2008 07:30 AM
Questions about legal separation mommyof2 Financial Issues 3 11-04-2005 10:26 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:43 PM.