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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 06-10-2015, 08:07 PM
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Default SBTX is threating to take me to the cleaners and get full custody

So the SBTX anytime they tell her that there is no job for next year or I ask her for her share in the house expenses, she threatens that she will take me to the cleaners. Anytime I suggest going to find another job as I need help in the house expenses, she threatens the same. I suggest to sell the house and everyone goes his merry way, she says that she can't afford a mortgage and she will get full custody. I know that no judge will give her the later.

All these discussions are away from kids, but she brings it up and starts yelling and screaming in front of the kids.
My older kid has told his before and after school home daycare about the mother loud voice and the threats to the father.
The home daycare sat with us and convinced her to stop doing that in front of the kids. The home daycare thinks that SBTX sucks at being a mom (can't drop off and pick up the kids before and after, can't take care of the kids in the summer......etc).
The SBTX continues the disrespect and the screaming and yelling. Any way I can get her out of the house at least till all paper is completed with conditions of communication?
Thanks
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Old 06-10-2015, 08:30 PM
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nobody cares about what she is yelling, and nobody cares about the home daycare's opinion.
As long as you don't have a court order, she has just as much right to stay in that house as you have. (assuming it is a matrimonial property)
no good situation. it can lead to false accusations of domestic violence very easily. I would tell her that there is a working voice recorder ALL the time when I'm in the building.
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Old 06-10-2015, 08:30 PM
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No.
And you can continue to ask this very same question every other week and the answer is always going to be No. You are both entitled to reside in the matrimonial home pending equalization.

Have you retained your own lawyer yet? What brand of recorder have you purchased?
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Old 06-10-2015, 09:47 PM
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For household expenses, simply let her know that you can no longer affordable cover the costs on your own and she will have to contribute. Giverbher a copy of the bills so she knows how much they are, let her know which ones you have notified for cancellation (hydro and gas are good ones to start with as she can't live without them either and has no way of preventing you from using them simply because she is paying for it like she could with phone, cable and Internet). Let her know you have been in touch with the utilities and cancelled tour account with them as of XX date and should she wish to continue to have utilities she will have to contact them and open an account.moving the bills into her name.

And agreed with above: voice recorder ALL. OF. THE. TIME.

That cannot be stressed enough how important this is.
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Old 06-10-2015, 09:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
For household expenses, simply let her know that you can no longer affordable cover the costs on your own and she will have to contribute. Giverbher a copy of the bills so she knows how much they are, let her know which ones you have notified for cancellation (hydro and gas are good ones to start with as she can't live without them either and has no way of preventing you from using them simply because she is paying for it like she could with phone, cable and Internet). Let her know you have been in touch with the utilities and cancelled tour account with them as of XX date and should she wish to continue to have utilities she will have to contact them and open an account.moving the bills into her name.

And agreed with above: voice recorder ALL. OF. THE. TIME.

That cannot be stressed enough how important this is.
i am not sure if cancelling essential services is a good idea with small kids in the house. I would go for phone, internet, cable and if she has her own car any bills related to that. I have a feeling that threatening to cancel essential services may bite him in the ass.
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Old 06-10-2015, 10:10 PM
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Technically, I believe they cannot be cancelled entirely, they must at minimum be transferred to another person as someone has to pay for the delivery charges even if not used. But giving her 60 days notice that she is expected to make arrangements is reasonable, I think. And it should definitely be done in writing via email.

Aside from that, there's always the other non essential bills but she is likely to play the 'you can't use my Internet /phone/cable' game.
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Old 06-10-2015, 10:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Technically, I believe they cannot be cancelled entirely, they must at minimum be transferred to another person as someone has to pay for the delivery charges even if not used. But giving her 60 days notice that she is expected to make arrangements is reasonable, I think. And it should definitely be done in writing via email.

Aside from that, there's always the other non essential bills but she is likely to play the 'you can't use my Internet /phone/cable' game.
and if she doesn't do it, then what?
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Old 06-11-2015, 12:23 AM
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Empower yourself. Get good, competent legal advice. Encourage her to get her own legal advice as it's better that your ex get informed about reality of divorce/separation from someone qualified rather than her girlfriends.

Her threats are likely indication that she is confused and frightened (in her own twisted way) of change and uncertain future.

Document, document and document everything. Prepare yourself for the fight of your life.

Yes you and your ex very will may lose everything you own to pay for legal expenses. Hopefully calmer heads will prevail in the future and the two of you can come to agreement on some things.
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Old 06-11-2015, 01:02 AM
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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
and if she doesn't do it, then what?

Then she doesn't get the benefits of all the extras. If he can't afford to pay everything on his own, she needs to pick up some of the slack, she should be anyways. So he stops paying for things and if she wants them she pays for them herself. She either pays the utilities or the others, either way she's either out of gas/hydro till she picks it up or she's out of phone/cable/Internet until she picks it up. Just like she would be when she's on her own in the near future if they actually get around to separate residences. She'll figure it out.
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Old 06-11-2015, 01:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Technically, I believe they cannot be cancelled entirely, they must at minimum be transferred to another person as someone has to pay for the delivery charges even if not used. But giving her 60 days notice that she is expected to make arrangements is reasonable, I think. And it should definitely be done in writing via email.
A friend of mine is in a similar situation. The STBX is living in the house, while he is not, but was still paying ALL the bills. This was putting him in a financial pinch. Thru his lawyer, he sent the STBX a letter giving 30 days notice that the utilities will be cancelled in his name and she is to make arrangements to create her own utility accounts.

It worked. That was done a few months ago, and the STBX now holds all the utility accounts. He is still paying the mortgage, property tax and insurance though.

Last edited by Teenwolf; 06-11-2015 at 01:12 AM.
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